Will she leave her husband for me?

[Anonymous]

unlikely. she was unhappy in her marriage, her discussions with you created an unexpected and confusing emotional intimacy, one that she lacked with her husband. She confused that intimatcy with being in love with you. Sounds like she never really wanted to end her marriage, and is not even sure of her sexuality.

I am sorry. I will say that my husband was in your position, some years ago (but with another woman). She went back to her husband. Similar situation. She was unhappy in her marriage, developed an inapporpriate emotional intimacy with DH (obviously before I knew him), temporarily left her husband (in part because he discovered the affair) but when push came to shove, she realized she wanted to work it out with the husband and DH was left out to dry.

I would leave her now, with your dignity intact, and ask her to work things out one way or another with her husband before you two continue your relationship. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Leave her alone, it doesn't sound like she is interested in pursuing the relationship further, and it is not going to make you more attractive to her to press it.

[Anonymous]

I'd let her be. If she loves you and you love her, you two will find each other again. Move on with your life and let her do the same. Sounds like she may not be sure about ending the marriage, or if she is, that she wants to end it cleanly. Pressuring her to make a decision was not cool, neither was looking at her phone. If you can do it sincerely, email her and appologize for your actions. Say that and only that. Then let it go. Ending a marriage isn't as simple as "I liked Billy for a long time and now I like Jill so I'll tell Billy he and I are through and Jill and I will ride off into the sunset". Hang in there OP, I know this hurts.

[Anonymous]

OP, this sound so painful. On the upside you are more in touch with yourself and your desires and needs- which will ultimately be a blessing if it doesn't feel that way yet.

Does she have kids or want them? When push comes to shove many people choose loveless marriages as the price to pay for biological children...I can't tell you how many closeted married people I have met in my lifetime.

You may find a deeper, authentic love sooner than you think.

[FBO]

That really sucks OP but I think you got your answer.

Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Move on, I'd also change jobs.

[Anonymous]

Threesome yeahhhhhh

[Anonymous]

I just went thru this exact situation for two months with a girl I was madly inlove with. She swore she thought of her husband as a best friend and they were separated for years. Today she told me no one will ever love her like him and she will love him till the day she dies so she needs to try. Shit hurts. But like everyone said a fling isn't gunna be a marriage and then you got the same sex thing which alone is a struggle. It's easier and much more comfortable to be were she's comfortable with who she loved at the end of the day. As hard as it is to here. I feel the pain.

[Anonymous]

You jumped in to a train wreck. Move on, find someone who is out and not married to a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman and co-worker and I have been working together for about 2 years. We became very close and best friends after about the first 6 months, like we had known each other forever. Slowly, she began discussing problems she was having in her marriage of 8 years. He drank all the time to the point of passing out, did not disclose to her about not wanting a baby (something she very much wanted) for almost 7 years, and has problems with his family accepting her which they often argued about. Other than that, he is a good guy and has done nothing terribly wrong in their marriage. He just isn't proactive and is a bit selfish in his ways. She said they were like roommates.

About 9 months ago something shifted for us. Neither of us has ever been with another woman but we both started having feelings for one another, to the point where we both wanted to know if there was something more there. So we kissed and realized we had an intense passion for one another. I told her I could not be with someone that was married, so she left him after the first 2 weeks and they have been separated every since. We continued our relationship non-stop, hot and heavy, for the past 9 months. In legal terms, it is a 6 month wait to file for divorce. During this time they meet every 2-3 weeks to talk about their problems, etc. We spent almost every hour together during this time, not because I needed to, but because she wanted to be with me and I her.

I noticed the past month or so she seemed more distant and has expressed guilt for the way she left things. We are in love with each other and have had many conversations about our lives together, but something just didn't seem right the last time they spoke. She came back afterwards and was visibly upset that he had said he wanted a divorce. This confused me as she is the one that walked out. Is it an ego thing? Has she not had time to really process the end of their relationship? He had done nothing the past 9 months to 'win' her back or reconcile the marriage.

I did something terrible, but looked at her phone one day and saw that she had told her friend 'he wants a divorce, i can't believe it! I went there to work things out, regardless of 'me,' i wanted to make it work.' This threw me for a loop. What does she want? So I decided to tell her straight forward that I love her and want to be with her, but she has to deal with her past and decide what she wants. I immediately regretted doing this, and asked if there was another way, but she agreed that we have already taken this step and it has to be done in order for her to deal with her past and more forward in one direction.

I'm terrified that I have lost the love of my life because I let her go too soon. Maybe I should have waited longer? It had only been 9 months, but a very intense 9 months where I felt this person was my soulmate. I wanted to move forward. I just hope my 'take a break' talk does not create a desire for her to go back and 'fix' things with her husband. Or maybe it will. I'm so confused as I am not the one who initiated nor went after her, even asking her to take space at the beginning. Now she says she wished she had because she is so confused now and doesn't know how to move forward without feeling guilty.

I told her I would be here and that she needed to make a decision. She does not want to talk besides about work stuff. Should I just take this as a sign that we are over? Or does she really just need some space to sort out her true feelings and be able to really move on from her marriage? Again, our relationship has been amazing and intense the past 9 months.

OP, THIS is the point where you "did something terrible." She was and is married. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Well perhaps that silver lining is you now know yourself a bit better, OP. Maybe you are a lesbian and this will help you find a better partner sooner once you have moved on. Now you won't marry a man and get into a scenario when you wake up one day and feel trapped.

On the other side of the coin:

I do know a couple who were in the exact same scenario, except the single woman was always a lesbian. Her partner got a divorce and they have been together happily for close to 20 years now. There are some affair partners that do stay together...