Advice for 12 year old daughter

[Anonymous]

One thing you don't mention is friends. What types of things do her friends enjoy? It is always more comfortable and fun to do something with a friend. Start low-activity (art class, band, etc) and build from there.

Does she second-guess her coordination? If not, maybe trying something totally off the wall just for fun (my neighbor's little girl has taken Bollywood class and thought it was great) would be appealing if she had some friends to do it with.

[Anonymous]

Why do you want her to take up a sport? I'm not understanding. She isn't overweight and she doesn't have the drive to do it, so why are you pushing it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want her to take up a sport? I'm not understanding. She isn't overweight and she doesn't have the drive to do it, so why are you pushing it?

Wow!

Staying active can keep you healthy and not put on extra weight. And I didn't know that ONLY over weight kids need to take on a sport! Pp stfu

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only who who squirms at this post because it sounds as if OP is a little overly concerned with weight, and is quietly demonizing her older daughter for being "the fat one?"

Pp hold your hand up, now slap yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only who who squirms at this post because it sounds as if OP is a little overly concerned with weight, and is quietly demonizing her older daughter for being "the fat one?"

I think you are. I'm overweight and was an overweight kid. And my mother made an issue of it daily. If not more. I didn't get the idea the OP was really concerned about that, but showing that her two kids are "very" different in temperament. That's all. Having said that, daily exercise is important for 'everyone' regardless of weight or athletic ability. It's important for health. Personally I think that's what the OP was trying to get at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only who who squirms at this post because it sounds as if OP is a little overly concerned with weight, and is quietly demonizing her older daughter for being "the fat one?"

I think you are. I'm overweight and was an overweight kid. And my mother made an issue of it daily. If not more. I didn't get the idea the OP was really concerned about that, but showing that her two kids are "very" different in temperament. That's all. Having said that, daily exercise is important for 'everyone' regardless of weight or athletic ability. It's important for health. Personally I think that's what the OP was trying to get at.

PP again. I added the info about my weight and history to give context -- I am usually very sensitive to parents picking on their kids for weight. I didn't feel that here, though.

[Anonymous]

Op, I totally understand and don't think at all you are concerned about her as " the fat one." Yes, art, music, drama are all important but physical exercise is key. My 12 yr old DS the same way. We have tried everything. We are not over weight at all and eat healthy, I run BUT high cholesterol runs in our family. It just does. I lost a sib at 30 to this so it is so hard for me to just let this go and I nag, cajole way too much. I feel the same way. Do you give up or keep trying. He asked to sign up for a sport yesterday and so I enrolled him but I am not optimistic as we have been down this path before. Of course, I don't let on and encourage him but it is very hard. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP, and for the record no one in my family refers to my daughter as "the fat one". High blood pressure and diabetes runs on my dads side of the family. Unfortunately, I had gestational diabetes both times when I was pregnant and I have a high chance of permanently getting when I get older, I'm doing everything to keep myself healthy because I was always a little bit overweight and never exercised when I was younger. I'm very proud of both my daughters, my 12 yr old is also a great artist, her drawings and paintings are beautiful. Music is also important in my family and she has exceeded everyone in that department and I couldn't be more proud.
There's nothing wrong with being active and Im not trying to be a pushy parent. I came here for advice and ideas to get her to be more active. Any who, she took the initiative and went around the neighbor to ask if she can walk dogs. So 3x's a week she walks 3 dogs and she is also getting paid! She's excited to start she loves dogs and her friend will also be with her to keep her company and help.

[Anonymous]

You described my daughter to a t. She plays piano, very academic and reads non-stop. She cried when I insisted she play a sport. We are new to the area, so I put my foot down and insisted on a sport as a way to make friends, learn the area, and "move her body". She picked field hockey LOVED it. She still doesn't like exercising, but now she looks forward to practice. What made the biggest difference was the coach, who truly inspired her. I don't think you are being overly sensitive to her weight and I think your dtr isn't alone in her personality.

I try to set the example by exercising too, and talking about how hard it is to get out the door, but how great I feel afterwards. Hopefully your daughter can find a friend to do a sport with.

Earning $ dog-walking is a great idea, btw. Oh, and another thing, her English teacher had the class read the book Chew On This, which got her interested in nutrition and making healthy choices. Now she reads food labels and refuses to eat at fast food restaurants.

Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

I think she can be active from less traditional outdoor "activities"- she can do gardening or if she likes art she would even get a reasonable amount of exercise drawing a giant mural on your driveway... What about babysitting (running around with small kids), rock climbing, hiking?

If nothing else works, you could try to get her to walk on a treadmill for 30 minutes a day while she reads...

[Anonymous]

Sports, especially for girls, helps with leadership, self-confidence, self-esteem, teamwork, compromise, developing friendships and finding self. I wish I had the opportunities kids have today when I was growing up. For girls, it was softball, track or golf team in hs.

[Anonymous]

I think the dog walking is a great idea. Does your daughter have a lot of friends? It seems like she is introverted. You may consider signing her up for Girl Scouts Cadettes. They are really good at including all girls and making everyone feel welcome. They build confidence without high active sports but they do fun things like camp, archery, kayaking, etc.... It is a really great experience for middle school girls who are shy and introverted. They do community service and fundraising for really cool trips.

My older daughter (11) also needs one on one with either mom or dad or both. If your younger one and her activities consumes a lot of time, you may just want to be sure your daughter is getting some of your time, even if it is not physical but more things she likes. Go to Barnes & Noble to pick out a book, maybe find a mother/daughter book club, take her to Strathmore - they have awesome orchestra shows and kids are free. I am not saying you aren't already doing that, but my younger one does consume my time and I found going on "dates" with the older one really made her feel more special. We have really gotten close in the last year or so because of that. My husband also offered to coach a sport and she is now in softball and loves it.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

It seems you have two choices and that is to encourage her to do an activity which you do as a family (swimming, biking, walking, hiking) or you can find an activity which you could sign her up for lessons, (Karate, dance, tennis, ping pong, soccer).

I understand all the people who suggested taking up rock climbing or kayaking are trying to help, but unless you also want to become proficient, she is not going to be able to pursue those without you. Plus they both take having equipment.

I would tell her she needs to find an acitivty to keep her body in shape and give her some choices, where no is not one of the choices.

Maybe a zumba class for teens or other class designed for teen girls.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to insist that your DD do some type of physical activity. In my case it was dance, which my DD initially hated, but after a while started to like, and after a few years of dance is now pretty good. She also swims, which I "made" her do, and she's pretty good at that too. She's never totally enthusiastic about anything, but I know she's proud of how far she's come in both dance and swimming. Some kids you just have to insist (not in a mean way, but in a firm, "I'm not taking no for an answer" way) they do sports, or they never will. I wish my parents had pushed me, as I was a very bookish, non-sporty kid, who refused pretty much all encouragement to do sports. I wish I'd listened to my parents and learned to play tennis and soccer and softball, but I never did, and now I really regret it.

[Anonymous]

I was EXACTLY like your daughter- right down to the violin and piano playing, nose always in a book. I was always average- and I *knew* that I should have wanted to be more like my tomboy little sister, playing every sport imaginable.

The truth is, I just do not enjoy physical activity whatsoever. And I've spent my entire adult life doing the bare minimum (walking all over DC because I live there, but NEVER going to the gym or playing sports- occasionally doing a workout video because I feel like I *need* to do something.)

I think your best approach at this sensitive age is to downplay the eating factor and encourage physical activity at least 1x daily because it's good for her heart. Period. Tell her just like PE at school, there has to be some physical release from an 8-hr day of sitting on her butt at school. But maybe make her run errands for you on foot- if you living walking distance from something. Have it be productive. Or walk around the mall. I think productive activity is key. It doesn't matter how you spin it, I will never ever ever enjoy sports. She might be the same way.