I want to punch my husband in the face

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has it occurred to you that maybe HE is worried? Your post sounds a little self-absorbed...

But the way he presented it was- "You need to bring this up at his 18 month appt" and worry about it up until then. DH knows I'm a bit (read a lot) anxious about my child and we've had this discussion many times- please don't make me anxious about things I can do nothing about. I guess it just pisses me off that he'll say something then settle back to watch TV and I'm home with DS all day watching him and thinking about what may be.

I guess I'm hoping to hear that other toddlers know their letters too and it's not out of the norm.

"You need to bring this up at his 18 month appt." That's the problem right there. Anyone who starts a sentence with "you need to..." needs to shut his pie-hole. If he's so concerned about possible autism, then HE should be bringing it up at the 18 mos appt.

As for you worrying, that's on you. No one makes you feel anything. You're responsible for you. Stop framing this as "you make me anxious when you say x". Both of you would do well to start all your sentences with "I" rather than "you."

[Anonymous]

OP, men say and are concerned about the most off the wall stuff sometimes. Every time DS went through a "phase" DH thought it was something we should follow up with and investigate. I just explained, it's a phase and it will pass.

Your DH meant no harm, really. What he said was silly, but you don't have to overreact. Just explain this is a good thing your kids is so advanced and you should celebrate it.

[Anonymous]

DD also could ID upper and lower case letters by 18 mos, and most of her numbers to 10. At 18 mo appt, her dr was delighted, and she definitely is not autistic. With study your husband read, who knows whether there is a causal relationship. I wouldn't worry. Just enjoy this fun time of rapid development.

[Anonymous]

Wow, what a lovely wife you are.

You're overreacting big time. Is your husband not allowed to say anything you don't like?

[Anonymous]

Why are you so anxious about your kid, OP? That part isn't clear to me at all. What's the source of your anxiety?

[Anonymous]

You should get punched in the face. You sound really annoying.

[Anonymous]

He just didn't know how to say it, that's all I'm thinking. Men just aren't as eloquent when it comes to speaking. He has probably read a few articles and possibly has a colleague with an autistic child and was just talking out of his butt. Was it uncool of him to say it? Yes. Was he well intentioned? Yes. You have your entire life to get freaked out about tons of things in regards to your child. This is not one of those times.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should see a doctor OP, and bring this up with your doctor. Prescription anyone?

[Anonymous]

he just said outloud what he was thinking. he is allowed to voice his opinion, concern and it may have been something that he read that he was thinking about. He shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around you, always keeping his thoughts to himself in order to avoid activating your neuroticism. Rather than expecting him to always tip toe around your anxiety and overreactions why don't you take charge and do what you need to do to get your anxiety under control.

It is kind of like saying I have an anger management problem so you need to make sure you never make me angry and if I get angry it is your fault and you should expect to deal with my anger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has it occurred to you that maybe HE is worried? Your post sounds a little self-absorbed...

But the way he presented it was- "You need to bring this up at his 18 month appt" and worry about it up until then. DH knows I'm a bit (read a lot) anxious about my child and we've had this discussion many times- please don't make me anxious about things I can do nothing about. I guess it just pisses me off that he'll say something then settle back to watch TV and I'm home with DS all day watching him and thinking about what may be.

I guess I'm hoping to hear that other toddlers know their letters too and it's not out of the norm.

"You need to bring this up at his 18 month appt." That's the problem right there. Anyone who starts a sentence with "you need to..." needs to shut his pie-hole. If he's so concerned about possible autism, then HE should be bringing it up at the 18 mos appt.

As for you worrying, that's on you. No one makes you feel anything. You're responsible for you. Stop framing this as "you make me anxious when you say x". Both of you would do well to start all your sentences with "I" rather than "you."

Thank you for this. It's my pet peeve when people try to blame others for making them feel a certain way (anxious, guilty etc.) Total lack of responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is a wonderful husband and father and 99 percent of the time I adore him. But tonight he made me so mad. Our 17 month old is really verbal and good with his letters and numbers. He can identify and say the numbers 1-9 in any context as well as about 22 of the letters of the alphabet. He loves playing with those foam letters in the tub and through lots of exposure he picked them up. I thought it was pretty cool but that was it. Anyway, tonight DH tells me that he did some research today and he's concerned that a lot of kids who pick up letters and numbers quickly are autistic. WTF? I used to work with autistic children so I'm very familiar with them, but I just don't get why DH would say or do something like that. What would he like me to do about it? If he is, he is and we handle it, but I just don't get why he would put a concern in his overly anxious wife's mind. Thanks for letting me vent.

Since you are an authority on autism, he probably thought you would be able to allay his fears. How dare he look to his allegedly-knowledgeble wife for support! Hope you taught him so he knows to look elsewhere next time.

[Anonymous]

Man reads random thing on the Internets, Man repeats random thing, Listener wants to punch him.

Usually this involves discussion of football teams in the Southeast Conference or Big 10.

[Anonymous]

Calm down mommy. Let your husband be part of the parenting process too.

My oldest knew all the letters, numbers, around 2-3 dozen colors, etc. Doctor was freaked out at the 18 month appt to the point of finding me outside the office following the visit to reinforce that I needed to have DC tested (we didn't). The kid is an older elementary student, exceptionally bright typical kid with a very high IQ and no autistic tendancies.

We do have family members on my side though with equally high IQs who are on the high functioning autistic spectrum (aspergers). Ask your doctor, but don't stress and be kinder to your husband about it. If your child is on the spectrum, you aren't going to change anything by stressing and fighting. If your child hasn't shown the other characteristics (lack of eye contact, sensory overload, etc) he is probably fine. In our family, the ones on the spectrum showed cues from a very young age, probably around 6 months. The pieces of the puzzle came together after the diagnosis. It was if everyone had a big aha moment. My child did not show the signs at all.

[Anonymous]

My 4.5 year old doesn't know what your 17-month old does. Not sure either of our kids has a problem. But seriously, you need to honor your husband's role a little more than you are. At least fake it!

[Anonymous]

Your husband is right.