Have you run a background check on another parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Won't do any good. My step-dad molested me when I was 12. His bio daughter is now 13 ( my parents are divorced). He is not a registered sex offender because my mom cut a deal so he could keep his gov job. no record, paid child support. she lived off it. good for everybody except the concerned parents of his daughter's friends...

If this is true, you need to contact the police in the jurisdiction he currently lives in, and the mother of his daughter. You need to protect that kid.

'

new wife knows. old wife (my crazy mom) called local police. "there is nothing they can do". not even sure she was believed b/c she is that crazy.

But that's not my point. If my dad is not a registered sex offender, and I KNOW what he did to me (he did adopt me so is my dad) then there must be others. I told my DH that our DC can't join scouts unless one of is with DC entire time.

Seriously, I"m going to have issues with this and when it comes up, might have to see someone or take drugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I told my DH that our DC can't join scouts unless one of is with DC entire time.

Seriously, I"m going to have issues with this and when it comes up, might have to see someone or take drugs.

I'm sorry about what happened to you. Truly.

But I urge you for the sake of your kids to seek some therapy. You don't want them to feel like they are missing out on their childhood b/c you are too scared to let them go out a little and experience life for themselves. I think a good therapist would have some good techniques for coping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Won't do any good. My step-dad molested me when I was 12. His bio daughter is now 13 ( my parents are divorced). He is not a registered sex offender because my mom cut a deal so he could keep his gov job. no record, paid child support. she lived off it. good for everybody except the concerned parents of his daughter's friends...

If this is true, you need to contact the police in the jurisdiction he currently lives in, and the mother of his daughter. You need to protect that kid.

'

new wife knows. old wife (my crazy mom) called local police. "there is nothing they can do". not even sure she was believed b/c she is that crazy.

But that's not my point. If my dad is not a registered sex offender, and I KNOW what he did to me (he did adopt me so is my dad) then there must be others. I told my DH that our DC can't join scouts unless one of is with DC entire time.

Seriously, I"m going to have issues with this and when it comes up, might have to see someone or take drugs.

I wasn't molested, but I completely agree with you PP. Most sex offenders aren't known or registered so a background check on someone is useless.

Long story, but I once knew several men in therapy for sex-offender type charges. One guy abused many relatives and students without ever being charged. Others were charged and convicted and others had charges drop without a record.

I think the only way to deal with the fear is embracing the idea that these people are not in the majority. That and teach your kids to protect themselves.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you don't normally check parents' backgrounds or consider yourself to be an overly anxious person, then I'd ask myself what is it about this person that makes me want to check their background? Do you have a gut level discomfort around this person for no obvious reason? If so I'd probably listen to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are kidding, right? If not, you have serious issues.

Why? People run background checks on babysitters. This is still a person you don't know so what's the difference?

Because that is a person who willingly consents to it as part of a job application process.

[Anonymous]

My best friends parents were drug dealers! My parents were June and Ward Cleaver. They never knew what went on over there! I can only imagine if Mom could have googled them! The dad had been arrested and served time in prison in California. They used to smoke pot and snort lines after the kids went to bed. They ran a very successful cabinet making business as a day job. They were so much fun, let my friend take me with them on great trips and activities. My mom thought they were the bee's knees! I didn't realise what they were up to until I was a teenager, and by then I could care less.

[Anonymous]

Its not illegal to run a bg check without consent. You can hire a PI to do it for $50

[Anonymous]

OP, I am sorry for whatever happened to you to make you feel this way about others. I am sorry if it made you paranoid or worse. I am especially sorry if you have not gotten the help you need and/or you might be basing your ideas on what others might say about these friends parents. The friends parents might be innocent and know nothing about what is being said; or they might have all the proof they need for charges against those misspeaking. While this may not make perfect sense to you, I have seen it before and it can get really ugly. Resolve your issues before taking it out on a stranger. And know that Google only shows what the subject wants it to show.

[Anonymous]

Google is worth a try, but other than that I would only do playdates where each kid has a parent there until you are comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd Google them at least.

If I had to google them, then I doubt I know them well enough to leave one of my kids there unsupervised. My kids go to lots of kids' houses to play but they're all in the neighborhood, which meangot they go to the same school, attend the same family fun nights, science fairs, fund raisers, reading and math nights, etc. I'm either comfortable with them or I'm not.

[Anonymous]

Sad.

[Anonymous]

No, OP. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. It's a healthier way to go through life.

[Anonymous]

The guy who attacked me is not a registered sex offender.

Background checks are only a small part of the picture. Do supervised playdates or learn to trust your gut.