Retirement Communities in MoCo for in-laws - guidance needed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do/will they need services?

OP here - Thanks to everyone for the feedback. It is really great!

At this point, they do not need services. It might be that they move into a regular apt or townhouse now and then when they need more services, we either bring it in or have them move into a more structured environment.

[Anonymous]

I'm not "there yet" with my parents, but here are some things I have thought about for whenever they are ready for this step:
- I would want a facility that has independent, assisted, and possibly even dementia care on the same premises - even if your parents do not need these services yet, if they are in their early 80s, one of them may need assisted living in the relatively near future, and you can save the trauma and finances of another move if their facility already has these options
- think about your parents' personalities - do they like to be around peers, esp since they'd be moving from out of the area - even for example, if one passes on, would the other want to be surrounded by "friends by location", which argues for a senior community of some sort vs a regular apartment near your house
I have heard good things about Asbury and Ingleside (one in DC and one in Rockville).
You know, there really should be a service like the ones for summer camp where you can go to one "expo" and hear about all of the senior living options in the area!

[Anonymous]

I'm still trying to figure out how you can be old for your age when you're in your early 80s. My father lived until 90, so I'm familiar with the age group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm still trying to figure out how you can be old for your age when you're in your early 80s. My father lived until 90, so I'm familiar with the age group.

My MIL and my father are a year apart, both in their late 80s. My MIL needs help with ADLs, can't see well, can't hear well, needs dental work that she refuses to get, and has some cognition problems. She watches a lot of TV.

My father has a hip replacement and needs a hearing aid. He can still drive, does woodworking, gardens, reads voraciously, and participates in a Bible study at church and a current events discussion group his continuing care facility.

OP, I'd like to make a huge push for getting them to move someplace from which they will not have to move again. My parents have a ton of friends where they live, and they will never have to move again. My MIL won't give up her house, and she sees almost no one, because her old friends are either dead or unable to get to her house on their own. It is really sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm still trying to figure out how you can be old for your age when you're in your early 80s. My father lived until 90, so I'm familiar with the age group.

My mother died last year at 83 after living with dementia for about six years. For the last three years of her life she was mostly in a wheelchair, very confused, very physically and mentally compromised. She was very shrunken in size.

DH's mother is exactly the same age - just turned 84yo. She does yoga a few times a week, plays bridge, drives everywhere, volunteers at a hospital.

The contrast between the two women was astonishing to me. My mother was old for her 83 years. DH's mother is young for her 84 years (the age my mother would be now had she not died).

[Anonymous]

She "pays" between 7k to 10k per month at Sunrise/Reston, depending how much care she needs in any given month.

When they move, don't sign any papers yoursel (or husband) because they can come after you and your assets. If you have POA, every time you sign something, write "as agent."

GL.