How to converse if you don't speak the language?

[Anonymous]

Can you bring a photo album so in laws can "oooh" and "aahh"...which doesn't need translating. Plus, in laws love gushing over pics. espeically of Junior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you bring a photo album so in laws can "oooh" and "aahh"...which doesn't need translating. Plus, in laws love gushing over pics. espeically of Junior.

I don't know if you can do this more than one evening (actually, I can't see it eating up more than an hour tops).
I think more sustainable is to have your husband translate everything being said and your responses. After an evening of that, I'm willing to wager that he'll allow you to zone out a little from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Participating in a group conversation is MUCH harder than pretty much anything else when learning a language.

If I were you, I'd put my efforts into learning the basics - with a class, perhaps? This way, the one-on-one conversations can start to take place in his tongue. Eventually your competency will improve. Start with something manageable and less intimidating than the group setting.

I would make an effort to get competent - you don't want your kids to have a "secret" language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why don't you try to learn their language at least to be able to follow a conversation? My family does not speak english, which is why it was very essential for DH to learn my native language. Plus, it is a nice bond to have.

Op again. Thanks for your suggestion. Ok. I'll keep this in mind. At the beginning of our courtship, I would have considered this, but spouse told me that the native language was useless to learn, since many people in the home country spoke English - everyone but the patriarch of the family.

I certainly get the impression that we aren't talking about Spanish or some kind of common language. I have to say though, if your inlaws speak the language with each other, it wouldn't be useless for you to learn a little. No need to try to become fluent--but pick up an at-home course or something just to get the basics. If most of them speak English, and if you can pick up a few basic words to get a sense of what they might be saying, then maybe you could respond in English. I spent a month in Germany when I was in high school after having only had one year of classes in the language. I really could not speak very much at all, but I could at least get a basic sense of what people were saying, and they all understood enough English for me to be able to respond in English (or a couple of random words in German). If they are overseas, you probably don't see them all that often; you could learn the very basics over the course of time and it might make a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what your spouse is expecting. When you mention that you don't understand anything being spoken, so you can't respond what does he say? What does the "effort" look like?

Agreed. As you've presented it, his objections don't make any sense to me. Exactly what does he expect you to do? Is your spouse is the only family member who's having issues with your lack of participation?

[Anonymous]

Perhaps what your husband is feeling is not really about the language per se, but rather wanting to share with you his culture, his family, a part of himself. Perhaps he's looking for more of a "she really get me, that this is where I come from." Don't we all really want to be understood, appreciated, in context? Is there a way, other than language, that you can show some enthusiasm for his family/culture during these visits?

My husband and I are just from different regions of the U.S., but there is a palpable sense of wanting to share where we came from, what it means for who we are now, whenever we visit his or my family. I can only imagine how powerful this would be if the countries were dramatically different. If you and your husband have always lived in your country, where he has adapted to your language and culture, his feelings might be even stronger-- no matter how long he's been here or how assimilated.

[Anonymous]

OP: I completely understand your situation!! I've experienced it numerous times myself. To make myself less bored, I try to sit w/ the kids of the family and make conversation with them. I find they speak more English than the grown-ups and are much easier to talk to! The other thing I started doing is rent movies in that lanaguage and watch them constantly. I've been doing that for 1.5 yrs now. Believe it or not, I may not be able to speak the language, but I can understand about 60-70% of any conversation now!

[Anonymous]

http://www.freetranslation.com/

seriously.

i have been able to have some basic conversations with people this way. it's not always translated EXACTLY right (I had my friends who are bi-lingual check it out) but it is close enough.

you obviously won't want to be doing it all night long but it is good to have a short back and forth.