Mother in delivery room

[Anonymous]

OP: I just wanted to say I COMPLETELY relate to the cycle of boundary-setting/resentment/guilt/caving in you describe above. That was so very much my relationship with my mother throughout my 20s. It all came to a head when my husband and I got engaged and planned our wedding a few years back -- the key part in that being "my husband and I" primarily planned our wedding, not my mother and I. This was a huge disappointment to her and I felt incredible stress as the cycle kicked in yet again.

I decided to find a therapist to help me better navigate things, figuring if I didn't the problem would only come up again when we had a baby (bingo!) A friend recommended Rosemary Shwartzbard, PhD in Arlington, and she was great. She helped me focus on MY thoughts and behavior (i.e. what I could control) as opposed to my mother's, and she helped me balance the backbone/confidence part with the compassion/love part. The process moved remarkably quickly (2 months, maybe?) and was money well spent -- my mother and I are MUCH closer than before and in a more adult way.

All of this is my way of wishing you the best. Adult relationships between mothers and daughters can be challenging -- I'm smiling right now imagining what it'll be like to experience this from the other side some day as the mother, not the daughter.

Good luck to you -- happy birth!!

[Anonymous]

Hi- a little late in the discussion here but I told my OB I didn't want my mom there and asked if he could say there was a limit of one person (which would be my husband) for delivery and he said "i'll tell her whatever you want"- and it's not like my mom can check with the hospital- it could be OB preference. No matter what- it set a clear lign that my husband was first and that I didn't/want /preferred my mom- naturally- since this is my husband and mine's child! Anyway- after going through delivery- I can tell you that I am SO glad only my husband was there. he was wonderful and labor was rough.. best of luck..