how to torture my MIL...

[Anonymous]

You're a pushover.

spineless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!
1.) As others have said, your husband needs to step up to the plate. Enough of this suck it up crap. Your husband endorses her ways by keeping silent. He needs to make it clear what respectful behavior is needed. He also should be the one getting the friggin muffins!

Onto ways to be passive aggressive with in-laws if you are not allowed to assert yourself and your husband won't do his part..

*Be a lousy cook

*Train the child in diapers to say "I only want grammy to change my poopy diapers."

*Get some mice from a pet store or wherever people buy mice these days and set them loose in the house. Alternativey, non harmful spiders or roaches would do.

*During dinner nonchalantly bring up that your neighborhood is being studies because of the high incidence of lyme disease and west nile virus.

If you want to sink to your MIL's level, these are some excellent suggestions for heading in that direction . . .

*Mention that the kids have poop worms and lice again and no matter how much you sanitize EVERYONE get these critters.

*Feed the kids lots of beans and high fiber and high sulfur food snd let the smelly farting begin...

*Give your dog whatever dogfood makes him/her have the worst smelling farts and tell them Fido insists on sleeping with guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!
1.) As others have said, your husband needs to step up to the plate. Enough of this suck it up crap. Your husband endorses her ways by keeping silent. He needs to make it clear what respectful behavior is needed. He also should be the one getting the friggin muffins!

Onto ways to be passive aggressive with in-laws if you are not allowed to assert yourself and your husband won't do his part..

*Be a lousy cook

*Train the child in diapers to say "I only want grammy to change my poopy diapers."

*Get some mice from a pet store or wherever people buy mice these days and set them loose in the house. Alternativey, non harmful spiders or roaches would do.

*During dinner nonchalantly bring up that your neighborhood is being studies because of the high incidence of lyme disease and west nile virus.

*Mention that the kids have poop worms and lice again and no matter how much you sanitize EVERYONE get these critters.

*Feed the kids lots of beans and high fiber and high sulfur food snd let the smelly farting begin...

*Give your dog whatever dogfood makes him/her have the worst smelling farts and tell them Fido insists on sleeping with guests.

If you want to sink to your MIL's level, these are some excellent suggestions for heading in that direction . . .

[Anonymous]

Why don't you just put them in a hotel, have dinner with them and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Does FIL drive? If so, let him go get the muffins and the prescriptions. If your MIL tells you you're a bad mother to two, just look at her with surprise and say "what an oddly rude thing to say" and then pleasantly change the subject. Politely set limits where you can, and if youre matter-of-fact and not apologetic, there's not much they can do. I agree completely with the approach to be calm, pleasant and non-committal, not letting her get to you. Treat her comments in your mind as unimportant (do you really care what she says?) and the rest of it as the actions of someone with mental illness. If you treat it like water off a duck's back, it might needle her and more importantly will help you not waste energy being upset by her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kinda sounds likes you enable her too. Going out to buy fresh muffins? Allowing her to abuse you re the sinus prescription? Just say no. Don't offer. Let your DH cater to them if he likes but don't get involved ourself. She's clearly mentally ill. The only thing you can change is your own behavior.

Yep, this. Set some limits. Let DH deal with whatever he wants to.

Otherwise, it'll just continue to eat you up. Not worth it. You'll never change her. My mom (not my MIL) is the same way. Haven't spoken to her in years, and my life is so much the better for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
As for the comments, my shrink says that 99% of the time when people criticize they are actually projecting what they feel about themselves. So, when she tells you that you are a bad mother, what she really means is that she thinks she is a bad mother. The way I handle it with my mother is to change the subject by complimenting her. It works like a charm. Literally act like she has said nothing horrible at all and then ask her for her wonderful chicken recipe or whatever. She'll be flattered and the subject will change and she will start to think you are great because who doesn't love people who compliment them?

Wow, you are definitely a better person than me. There is NO WAY I could do that. But, I do give you credit for being the bigger person!

[Anonymous]

If it isn't my child, I wouldn't have changed a dirty diaper either.

[Anonymous]

Cayenne pepper? In the sheets?

Salt instead of sugar.

Develop a habit of over salting food.

Play background music they don't like just loud enough that it is subliminally audible.

Teach your children to run to Grammy with sticky fingers.

Take kid down from table---give Grammy kisses!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As for the comments, my shrink says that 99% of the time when people criticize they are actually projecting what they feel about themselves. So, when she tells you that you are a bad mother, what she really means is that she thinks she is a bad mother. The way I handle it with my mother is to change the subject by complimenting her. It works like a charm. Literally act like she has said nothing horrible at all and then ask her for her wonderful chicken recipe or whatever. She'll be flattered and the subject will change and she will start to think you are great because who doesn't love people who compliment them?

Wow, you are definitely a better person than me. There is NO WAY I could do that. But, I do give you credit for being the bigger person!

Just try it once. Just for fun. You might be amazed at how not stooping to the existing lowly behavior, or "being the bigger person" as you say, can work and work for a lifetime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it isn't my child, I wouldn't have changed a dirty diaper either.

sorry, OP, i agree with this poster. but yeah, why is your DH not getting muffins and filling prescriptions? Why isn't he in your corner? That would really bother me. The MIL stuff is annoying but sounds petty, and I'd just get over it and not let it ruin my day - but my DH not being supportive of me? That's a biggie.

And yes, just stop. Stop doing these ridiculous things if you think she is crossing a line. Maybe you're really irritated wtih yourself for not being able to graciously say NO to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As for the comments, my shrink says that 99% of the time when people criticize they are actually projecting what they feel about themselves. So, when she tells you that you are a bad mother, what she really means is that she thinks she is a bad mother. The way I handle it with my mother is to change the subject by complimenting her. It works like a charm. Literally act like she has said nothing horrible at all and then ask her for her wonderful chicken recipe or whatever. She'll be flattered and the subject will change and she will start to think you are great because who doesn't love people who compliment them?

Wow, you are definitely a better person than me. There is NO WAY I could do that. But, I do give you credit for being the bigger person!

It's taken YEARS of practice. And it really is all about defense. I don't consider myself a better person, per se, but I have learned how to manipulate a nasty person so her impact on me is less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it isn't my child, I wouldn't have changed a dirty diaper either.

[Anonymous]

Let the kids play with really noisy toys.

Let.your toddler go clothless say your doing naked potty training.. while they are naked have them help make muffins.. yum.

When she wants to go somewhere give her the number to the taxi.

Breastfeed topless if you still do.

Ask your mother in law questions like how many people has she slept with? Did she use drugs?

Tell her you need help pinching a big pimple and tell her its green and on you inner thigh area...

[Anonymous]

I should shut up..really??? Thus is what we saw happen with my mom..unusual and socially inappropriate behavior can be a first sign. And yes family does need to deal with it..with kindness.