grandparent rules don't apply when the grandparent visits are too frequent, right?

[Anonymous]

Glad I'm not alone! The only thing I have to add is be careful how much policing you do. Depending on how shameless the grandparents are, you might end up with sneaky GPs that encourage "our little secret." My niece and nephews are also local and older so I got a good heads up with this stuff. I watched MIL sneak my nephews ice cream and fudge (not the end of the world) but then encourage them to keep it a secret. NOT OK!

DD is only 2 and a really good sleeper so the only vices I have to overcome are ice cream for dessert every time dd is with them. She always adjusts well to the later bedtimes. But when she is a little older, I'm going to have to have the secrets are bad talk with her, and with MIL. I have a better relationship with MIL than BIL/SIL and will talk to her about "some" spoiling being ok but if I ever catch her being sneaky or asking my child to lie or keep a secret, unsupervised visits with GPs are over.

[Anonymous]

OP i am in the same situation as you. Put your foot down -- the grandparents have to abide by your rules epecially if you see them that often. If your hubby does not support you, just enforce rules on your own. You are the mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my single biggest parenting challenge-- grandparents next door. Ok, not literally next door, but my ILs live less than a mile away. We see them almost every day, for one thing or another. I have tried everything: rational conversation, stern and specific instructions, begging, limiting access, and they WILL. NOT. STOP. with the grandparent spoiling. We're talking cupcakes (yes, multiple) and juice every time they get within arm's length of the kid, which again, is every day. We're talking absolutely unlimited and unsupervised screen time. We're talking tolerating truly awful behavior. (I once saw my daughter smack her grandfather in irritation when he tried to turn off her game. He chuckled. I nearly lost my shit.)

My husband has made it very clear that he is not interested in opposing his parents. (Cultural stuff.) His parents have made it very clear that they are not interested in learning the word "no".

My only hope at this point is to convince the kid that all this stuff is bad for her, so she starts policing herself.

I feel sorry for you, as you're screwed.

What if you stand up to them? If your husband is that bound to his parents and if his parents are that controlling - using kids as pawns, I'm sure - you either suck it up or create boundaries.

And I, too, come from that "cultural stuff." But in the States, things are different!

Stand up for yourself or it will only become worse.

You sound like one of those bad bosses who says "Just make it happen!" It doesn't work that way. There is no magic wand.

What, specifically, do you mean by "stand up for yourself" that isn't covered under "rational conversation, stern and specific instructions, begging, limiting access"?