DON'T answer the question, but Why is the SAHM and WOH issue so touchy?

[Anonymous]

Thank you; this thread is actually civil and reasonable.

[Anonymous]

...and that's why it will be short

[Anonymous]

The anonymity makes people say dumb, dumb stuff. Then the anonymity makes others respond to the dumb, dumb stuff in a harsh maner.

Real life allows for nuance and social decorum. I've never had a SAHM/WOHM issue in real life.

[Anonymous]

OP here, well I'll be....no arguments? DCUM manages to surprise me. I will say that I'm jealous of SAHMs, shit, I'm jealous of anyone who doesn't have to work. But I absolutely feel zero need to defend my choice to WHO. My mother worked, her mother did so that's life as I know it and inspire of working parents, all the kids in my family turned out ok. If my children are going to somehow end up scarred because mama had to bring home the bacon, then tough shit, they will just have to deal. The last I checked, life still remains unfair

[Anonymous]

I like this thread and I'm posting because it's so civil.

And...I agree with everything that's been said so far. I'll only add that some people have "hidden reasons" for attacking one group or another. There's a mom on here that always says that sahms are stupid because their husbands will leave them, etc., etc. Turns out, that poster confessed to that happening to her mother and she had a very difficult upbringing, so she's angry at all sahms for being "stupid."

I think the entire argument results from what pps have said - insecurity, justifying decisions on either side, jealousy, fear, etc. I would love if women would learn to support each other's decisions rather than tear them down.

[Anonymous]

I don't get it either OP. I used to WOH and now I SAH and there are pros and cons to both. Most kids will be fine either way. But PPs are right -- we all want what is best for our kids and for someone to imply that we aren't doing right by them raises hackles (just like BF/FF, CIO, all the hot buttons). I would never put down either WOHM or SAHMs for their decisions regarding work.

[Anonymous]

I think it's true that people do project what they're afraid of, particularly the example PP gave about women being left and not prepared to be on their own. In the other direction, people project the "when do you ever see your kids?" issue because that's what they're afraid of.

In a broader sense, most mothers work outside the home and we're all conditioned to be suspicious of what goes against the grain. We want to believe that if it's as great or fun or whatever as people say it is, *everyone* would be doing it, and so we tell a story that there must be something people are hiding or missing or whatever and we wan to ferret it out. Similarly, most people find their jobs to be kind of a grind, so when we hear that people love theirs so much they would never give it up even if they were super wealthy, we're suspicious and want to get at "the truth." Really people are different, and some people go against the norm and that works for them. (You could apply this to the breastfeeding thing, too: most people formula feed at least partially in the first year and hardly anyone nurses past one, so it's very countercultural to do so.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^

I do not think that's true. Not everyone is as insecure as you think. Some people deliberately frame their justifications as an attacks on other people's choices and then like to say "haha look at you, so insecure".

I have to agree that all women are not insecure or jealous. I feel like I might be in the minority but I really have no insecurities over my lifestyle. I don't even consider it a decision to WOH just as no expects my DH to have made the "decision" to work. It wasn't even a discussion about me SAH when I had my kids. I don't care or have any issue with SAHPs, but don't assume ALL women should admit to insecurities or jealousy when they don't exist for some.

[Anonymous]

I think we should add closemindedness to the list of reasons why this is a hot topic. Some women are so blisfully happy with their choice that they can't conceive that someone else might not be.

[Anonymous]

I WAH and am happy with my decision to send DS to daycare. Yet, I still get really angry when someone on here makes a comment like "you're not raising your kids." It just really strikes a nerve, even though no part of me wishes I could SAH or thinks it's best for my son (based on my temperament). So, I'm not sure why I get so upset. ...

More rambling...

If someone who is gay is sitting there and another person starts talking about how bad gay marriage is, they rightly get TO'd, too, right? Because to them it's just an ignorant comment, not because they are insecure about being gay and wanting to get married. It's probably because it seems like such a personal attack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we should add closemindedness to the list of reasons why this is a hot topic. Some women are so blisfully happy with their choice that they can't conceive that someone else might not be.

I'm happy with my choice, but that doesn't make me close-minded. I'd say it's pretty close-minded to think that ALL women MUST be either jealous or insecure and SHOULD JUST ADMIT it to make all relationships better with other women in their life.

[Anonymous]

Because both bitches are jealous of me- WAH mom !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we should add closemindedness to the list of reasons why this is a hot topic. Some women are so blisfully happy with their choice that they can't conceive that someone else might not be.

I'm happy with my choice, but that doesn't make me close-minded. I'd say it's pretty close-minded to think that ALL women MUST be either jealous or insecure and SHOULD JUST ADMIT it to make all relationships better with other women in their life.

You have me confused with the pp to whom you were responding. Natural mistake. However, my post was meant to be a stand-alone comment, not directed as a response to your "I'm happy to be me" post. I stated what I meant. I.e, some women don't think there are other viable choices for raising children well, outside of their own choice. I did not mean that you, specifically, were closeminded since you didn't mention whether or not you thought one choice was inferior to another. (On a sidenote, this is how arguments begin. Let's not ruin this a lovely discussion.) I think you've also proven what another pp wrote. Some people are just touchy about someone thinking they're wrong about something.

[Anonymous]

I will not tell you if I am a SAHM or a WOM, but I am an awesome mom. I love being a mom! What I have on my plate is not always easy, but I love my kids and put time into the joy of being a mom to these incredible little people. They love us. They enjoy each other as siblings. They are empathetic. We have fun in this house. There are many ways I could do this: working or not working. But, you can count on it that no matter which way I do it, I know I will do it well, because I love these kids and I love being a mom. I am jealous of no one! I love what I live.

[Anonymous]

As a WOHM I think other WMs on this site are pretty nasty and self[i]important sounding. I think it is a disgrace, see current long thread from today. I'm sorry, but the jealousy and insecurity just seep all over the pages upon pages.

Personally, even if a SAHM makes a small dig, I'm not worried about it and don't respond. I'm secure in my choice and have a very flexible job that allows me a balance, I'm not even moved to respond to them.