Teasing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Role play with this sort of thing is helpful. When my DD was dealing with this at 7, I worked hard to teach her that if you embrace the alleged "insult" and make a joke of it the teaser get's no satisfaction. Role play with you being your DD -- take a "That's right I'm _____ ha ha eye roll. What of it?"

I agree with talking to the other mom about this and with role playing. We did this when my DS was having similar problems. We came up with a few lines that he thoroughly memorized. It was difficult for him because the teasing hurt and he tends to get flooded by those emotions. But, after using his lines on just one opportunity, he really felt more empowered and confident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have discussed it with the aftercare teacher. I do know the other girl's mother, but don't want to cause bad feelings when we see each other so often. This could be a short-lived rift between the girls. I don't want to change troops. They've been with the troop since they started as Daisies and I co-lead.

I'm trying to find an appropriate balance between dealing with the problem and avoiding it. She can't just walk away from all of her friends because of the behavior of one girl. That's too much to ask of her. I wonder if declining invites to things like sleep overs and birthday parties is also too much to ask of her. But, I don't want to subject her to the stress of dealing with teasing that could go on for hours without a way to avoid her.

I should try to find a non-confrontational way to discuss with the other girl's mother.

This is your daughter who is being teased (bullied) by her once friend and you are worried about creating bad feelings? How about how you DS feels? What is wrong with you?

OP here. Little girls can be quite catty and mean, which should be no surprise to you. How old is your child? Kids have issues with their friends. It is not a good idea to go running to the other parent every time there is a conflict. I could end up alienating my child over what is a short-lived and normal friendship issue. And, if I embarrass my child by making a big deal over what turned out to be a small issue, it is not likely that she is going to tell me about these things if they happen again. If it had crossed the line into bullying, my response would be different.

I let the whole thing ride for a few more days and declined an invite to the offending girl's house. Now, the kids are back to being friends. I explained to my daughter that someone who says mean things is likely to go back to saying mean things. She agreed and now all appears to be well. I will continue to decline invites to the girl's house and hope their relationship continues to be a pleasant, but not too close one. Declining the invite seemed to be a turning point.

[Anonymous]

NP here. Help me understand - what's the difference between constant "mean" teasing and bullying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Help me understand - what's the difference between constant "mean" teasing and bullying?

Teasing is a normal part of growing up. If it becomes constant, controlling, vicious or violent, it crosses the line into bullying, in my opinion. You're welcome to search google for a better explanation. This thread is not about constant teasing.

[Anonymous]

I agree teasing isn't bullying, it is more joking without realizing your jokes are hurting someone's feelings. Growing up my parents teased us all the times, and played practical jokes. It was their sense of humor and we could give and take, it wasn't mean to us although I'm sure an outsider might think it was. I teased other kids as I had no idea it could be hurtful or that other kids had such thin skins and couldn't handle it (due to not having experienced it). As I grew older I realized I had to be selective in who I engaged in good natured teasing with, and who i couldn't, same thing with practical jokes, same thing with sarcasm. Some people see almost don't see any of that as humor...aka the 'it's bullying crowd', and other people totally get it.

OP, it could be that there is teasing in the other child's home and she doesn't realize it is hurting your daughter. I would support your daughter in speaking up and saying something back. I would also teach her that different people have different senses of humor and what one person finds funny, someone else doesn't. What types of things is she being teased about?