leading a double life

[Anonymous]

OP,

You get off on deception. You are deceiving your husband and your boyfriend. Get into therapy STAT. If you husband finds out and leaves you, you will share custody and kiss half your child's childhood good-bye. Financial security, too. What is behind this? Much more than perfect sex with a long-distance paramour.
Good luck. You need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've lived a double life for over 7 years. It's a perfect balance for me. The difference in my case is that I have older children, and my lover certainly knows I'm married (he is also). I don't wish to marry him, or divorce DH. It can be sustainable long term, you just have to know what you really want.

I think that everyone ignored your post because it's just so revolting.

Not everyone can do the monogamy thing.

[TheManWithAUsername]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've lived a double life for over 7 years. It's a perfect balance for me. The difference in my case is that I have older children, and my lover certainly knows I'm married (he is also). I don't wish to marry him, or divorce DH. It can be sustainable long term, you just have to know what you really want.

I think that everyone ignored your post because it's just so revolting.

Not everyone can do the monogamy thing.

Or the honesty, integrity, and empathy things.

[Anonymous]

OP, six hours one way is a long car trip, long enough for you to get your emotions in check. You like this and you know it. You only use the "I may kill myself" button to get sympathy. And, your DH knows, how else do you explain your absence? Your boyfriend probably suspects too.

[Anonymous]

Good advice about therapy, although I hope the PPs suggesting it realize that it is not a panacea, nor does having a PhD imbue someone with magical powers. You have a moral dilemma, not a mental illness. You may be better off talking to a friend or a religious figure who will give you some "tough love".

Yes, not everyone can do the monogamy thing. But it is the "honesty, integrity and empathy things" that make us good human beings.

You and your husband may eventually repair your relationship or even come to an agreement that allows you to continue your affair guilt-free (oh but will it still feel so good if there is no guilt?). But first you have to tell him the truth and ask for forgiveness. He surely suspects something is wrong and it must be tearing him up inside. No one deserves that.

[Anonymous]

keep the boyfriend and tell your DH to go get himself a girlfriend on the side

[Anonymous]

How are you getting away with driving 6 hours one-way to see boyfriend? THat is a long time to be away from a young child without drawing attention.... ARe you sure your husband doesn't suspect something is up? I have a hard enough time getting time "off" to get a pedicure let alone getting a six hour drive break with DH watching the children....... Who is watching your DC at this point? Husband? What excuse are you making for being away?

[Anonymous]

TheManWithAUsername wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've lived a double life for over 7 years. It's a perfect balance for me. The difference in my case is that I have older children, and my lover certainly knows I'm married (he is also). I don't wish to marry him, or divorce DH. It can be sustainable long term, you just have to know what you really want.

I think that everyone ignored your post because it's just so revolting.

Not everyone can do the monogamy thing.

Or the honesty, integrity, and empathy things.

Yes, nicely said.

[Anonymous]

Oh I didn't even catch that - a 6 hour drive every two weeks??? So you're basically gone for two entire weekends every month. Not sure how that's even possible with a young child, but ok. I am sure your husband at least suspects then. There is zero chance I would be getting away with bailing every other weekend.

[Anonymous]

I read once a month, not once every two weeks. And the trip is probably for work, or she has told the husband that it is, and the nature of her job is such that this is plausible. But that does not mean the husband doesn't suspect anything is wrong, or that he isn't in incredible emotional pain from feeling that something is very wrong in his marriage. Which is not to say OP's pain is not real as well. And who knows what her boyfriend is feeling.

OP, stop doing this to yourself and others. You have created a mess, but you have the power to clean it up too. All it takes is a bit of courage. Do the right thing, and perhaps a year from now you will have a happier marriage than you ever thought possible. Or you will be divorced and starting a new life with your boyfriend. Do nothing and things only get worse.

[Anonymous]

What does your boyfriend think of why he doesn't ever come to your place, does he know you have a child? What do you tell your husband about your monthly weekends away? I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

I'm beginning to think the OP was a troll. She has yet to respond to anything.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she just feels horrible about all of the abuse. Why would she respond?

[Anonymous]

OP, I was in almost exactly the same situation for 5 long years... Then my DH suddenly passed away.
Do you think that you have guilt? Imagine how much guilt I have...
Please try to end the affair as soon as you can.

Otherwise, you will feel worse and worse until you are so depressed, that you just might end your life and leave your child motherless...

[Anonymous]

OP out of curiousity have you always been self-destructive and/or did either of your parents have affairs?

I agree with therapy because for one thing you need to explore where this is coming from?

What was going on in your marriage before you started the affair?

OK not to make light of this, but I'm surprised you can have sex with your husband once a week and cary on the lie. I can't even have sex with my husband if he pisses me off without apologizing.