Mean Girls in Second Grade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, First of all, I'm calling them "mean girls" to YOU, the adults on this board, so that's not the problem.

More importantly, my DD is well aware of what makes a good friend, what doesn't etc. Despite that she's still naive, so being a good parent, and be a bit more sophisticated than her, I really do need to find a way to steer her to the other girls, and AWAY from this one girl. So, am looking for language so that I don't talk to her about "mean girls." And I do feel like my DD has this thing for girls that aren't nice -- maybe they are more visible or something. Anyway, I will of course, reinforce, the "what makes a good friend" talk, but I wish she wouldnt go after this one girl at all. She's truly, truly a very mean girl, yes, at 7 or 8!

Then this is a bullying issue that needs to be nipped in the bud.

People put down Catholic schools on this board, but as a public school teacher, I can honestly say that my daughter's K-8 nips bullying in the bud. They are proactive by building in a program to address bullying that's K-8. I know of a few cliques of girls who have weekly sessions with the guidance counselor.

Kids who bully are bullied at home. And although this is a sad fact, you can't personally handle the situation yourself. It's a school issue. If she's bullying one, she's bullying others. So allow the school to look into it, as perhaps there are issues at home.

So do the straight talk. It's bullying flat out, and kids do it b/c they're insecure and feel the need to control their environment. Sometimes a little kindness goes a long way, too. So if the school knows, there are ways to teach the child compassion. She's in 2nd grade. They're still very young, which means they can UNlearn some nasty habits.

That might be it some of the time but I know a few "mean girls" and they are actually anything but bullied but they are used to being the queen bee in their home and getting their way and they just learned to be loud and obnoxious to get what they want.

PP, it's essentially the same thing - whether you're outwardly bullied as a kid or enabled to such an extent that you feel as though no one cares.

Bullying is a cry for help. Spoiled kids are abused IMHO.
Now, having said that, I would DEFINITELY equip my kid with ways to handle it. I tell my daughter to surround herself with nice kids who are welcoming, as there's safety in numbers! There's also a child in her grade (2nd) who doesn't have any friends. Each day I remind her to play with her b/c a little compassion can go a long way.

What? Bullying is a cry for help?

Sometimes kids are just mean. And....sometimes, people are just bad (even girls). There are lots of resources out there on bullying, depending on what kind she's facing. McGruff has some good resources and tips for parents.

http://www.ncpc.org/topics/bullying/girls-and-bullying

http://www.ncpc.org/topics/bullying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, First of all, I'm calling them "mean girls" to YOU, the adults on this board, so that's not the problem.

More importantly, my DD is well aware of what makes a good friend, what doesn't etc. Despite that she's still naive, so being a good parent, and be a bit more sophisticated than her, I really do need to find a way to steer her to the other girls, and AWAY from this one girl. So, am looking for language so that I don't talk to her about "mean girls." And I do feel like my DD has this thing for girls that aren't nice -- maybe they are more visible or something. Anyway, I will of course, reinforce, the "what makes a good friend" talk, but I wish she wouldnt go after this one girl at all. She's truly, truly a very mean girl, yes, at 7 or 8!

OP, is your dd coming to you about this or are you trying to step in based on what you see? Depending on the answer, depends on how to go about it. Part of this is your dd's personality. Not all kids are attracted to kids like this. I disagree with a pp who said this is bullying. Your dd is the one seeking this kid's attention. It sounds like she needs loving support from you, but doesn't need you to "fix it." Let her build her own confidence. If it was me, I'd try to steer her toward sports, group activities, and would invite families over for dinner who had girls that I would like her to hang with. If she's complaining about it, then you can help brainstorm/write down solutions to her problems, but give her some control. I think this idea is from Siblings W/O Rivalry. To inject a bit of humor, we add funny/outrageous solutions too. I would be a good listener, and also see if she wanted help in role play, but her confidence will only grow if she can figure it out herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
....There are lots of resources out there on bullying, depending on what kind she's facing. McGruff has some good resources and tips for parents.

http://www.ncpc.org/topics/bullying/girls-and-bullying

http://www.ncpc.org/topics/bullying

I thought these were great. I'm the PP who said that although I was shy and something of a wallflower, but stood up for myself and avoided bullies...

The one thing I wish I had done more of was standing up for others. I truly wish I'd been more helpful to those I saw being victimized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, First of all, I'm calling them "mean girls" to YOU, the adults on this board, so that's not the problem.

More importantly, my DD is well aware of what makes a good friend, what doesn't etc. Despite that she's still naive, so being a good parent, and be a bit more sophisticated than her, I really do need to find a way to steer her to the other girls, and AWAY from this one girl. So, am looking for language so that I don't talk to her about "mean girls." And I do feel like my DD has this thing for girls that aren't nice -- maybe they are more visible or something. Anyway, I will of course, reinforce, the "what makes a good friend" talk, but I wish she wouldnt go after this one girl at all. She's truly, truly a very mean girl, yes, at 7 or 8!

OP, is your dd coming to you about this or are you trying to step in based on what you see? Depending on the answer, depends on how to go about it. Part of this is your dd's personality. Not all kids are attracted to kids like this. I disagree with a pp who said this is bullying. Your dd is the one seeking this kid's attention. It sounds like she needs loving support from you, but doesn't need you to "fix it." Let her build her own confidence. If it was me, I'd try to steer her toward sports, group activities, and would invite families over for dinner who had girls that I would like her to hang with. If she's complaining about it, then you can help brainstorm/write down solutions to her problems, but give her some control. I think this idea is from Siblings W/O Rivalry. To inject a bit of humor, we add funny/outrageous solutions too. I would be a good listener, and also see if she wanted help in role play, but her confidence will only grow if she can figure it out herself.

I agree with this. I understand your desire to keep her away from this girl, but your DD will likely figure this out on her own, with some guidance from you. The instinct, of course, is to protect her by keeping her away from this girl; but this girl is only one of many many queen bee's your dd will have to deal with in the future. Just keep the lines of communication open with your daughter and make sure she knows you're always there to help and listen. No harm in encouraging her friendships with nicer girls too, but if you tell her NOT to hang out with this girl, she will defy you. Remember what it was like being a young girl??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
....There are lots of resources out there on bullying, depending on what kind she's facing. McGruff has some good resources and tips for parents.

http://www.ncpc.org/topics/bullying/girls-and-bullying

http://www.ncpc.org/topics/bullying

I thought these were great. I'm the PP who said that although I was shy and something of a wallflower, but stood up for myself and avoided bullies...

The one thing I wish I had done more of was standing up for others. I truly wish I'd been more helpful to those I saw being victimized.

I did stand up for people a lot when I was in middle school and ended up being bullied in return; lost a bunch of friends and was tortured mercilessly. Not that I wouldn't want my child to do the same thing! I would, I just think parents, teachers, and administrators really need to be there to really support their kids when they do the right thing. Sadly, the good kids don't often get a lot of that kind of support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You deserve to be treated politely and with respect. No matter what. You never have to be friends with anyone who doesn't treat you this way. You are so great, and we love you!!! And if someone is really, really mean and will not stop, you do what you have to do - if you kick 'em, we won't punish you! (I only kicked once as a kindergartener -- I have to say, it solved the problem right then and there).

I think this is great advice.

I was bullied as a kid, and my parents were not supportive in the least. I think this kind of language would have gone a long way for me.