Meeting with teacher/guidance counselor tomorrow ADHD Advice?
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Anonymous
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Hi OP, 16:07 here. It sounds like you and your son had a rough day yesterday. Hang in there.
It does sound like your son is struggling, aware of it and frustrated by it. For me this would be a sign to follow up with professionals and figure out what is up particularly based on what his teacher has indicated earlier. Also, I read the SENG sheet on gifted vs. ADHD (which helped me a lot) and not recognizing the behavior is a sign. What you describe could be a sign. Hopefully someone with a child with ADHD will post for you. After reading your first post, I talked with our DS about how his mind works. He admitted to having lots of things going on in there at one time. So I told him that if the racing thoughts in his head ever start to bother him, to let me know. Because there was no diagnosis of ADD/ADHD 30 years ago, I watched my own family members who seem like they are ADD or ADHD self-medicate with alcohol, drugs, etc as they've gotten older and I want to watch out for that. So, go ahead and get an evaluation and see if you can get some answers. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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15:40 here. What you're describing is classic. Trying to pretend nothing happened or nothing is wrong (hoping that it will go away) and then feeling so negatively about himself. We, too, have NEVER called or implied that my DS is stupid. We use positive discipline so he frequently hears what he does right and not what he does wrong. We talk about poor choices, not bad kids. Still, he's so very hard on himself. Is it any wonder that anxiety and depression are fequently comorbid with ADHD? It's heartbreaking. Not only do I see it in my DSs, I can see how it manifests itself in adulthood. My DH was diagnosed with ADHD after my oldest (age eight) was diagnosed. It's been very painful at times for my DH because he can really see himself in DS and now better understands why his self-esteem is so battered and his fear of upsetting me.
I agree with the PP that this would be a really good time to get a professional assessment. And, take heart! There is a lot of support available for your DS and you! |
Anonymous
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Thanks all, it was a rough day. Now if that Dev. Ped appt. would just come faster! I was not as positive as I would have liked. Was just so frustrated so soon after my teacher visit. DH turned things around to convince DS that he in fact could get through it, and start fresh today with the proper apologies, and walked him through how to do this. I plan to walk him in today, to be sure things go well.
I also requested a meeting with the GC. Thanks again. |
Anonymous
OP, we have bcbs federal employee program. I did not need a referral to have my child evaluated for ADHD up at Kennedy Krieger. (His pediatrician did ask for the evaluation, but I didn't need to give them a referral). They said an appointment could take 6-8 weeks but then they called in three days and said there had been a cancellation so I got my child right in. You might possibly want to call them or Children's if it is in your plan and get on the list for appointments, just in case the developmental pediatrician wants you to get a full evaluation by a psychologist done. |
Anonymous
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PP, did part of this eval involve educational testing too? My first appt with our Dev. Ped in Reston (we see Hope Scott for my younger son who has suspected AS) is on 11/16 (parent meeting), but then another 3 weeks later in Dec. she will meet DS. Would you be willing to let me know what your eval for ADHD entailed?
Our BCBS is private (currently COBRA) but, Dec. 1 we will switch to a new policy with DH's new job, which is thankfully still BCBS PPO, private. Thanks |
Anonymous
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PP, I'm no expert so others may have better information.
My understanding is that ADHD is considered a medical issue. You don't NEED a neuropsychological evaluation for it, though -- it can be diagnosed just through parent and teacher questionares. However the neuropsych evaluation is warrented to rule out/diagnose other comorbid conditions -- depression, anxiety, ODD, OCD, etc. The neuropsych evaluation does not include academic testing, but it does test things like working memory, full scale IQ (WISC-IV I believe), and some executive function aspects (certainly not all) etc that would certainly impact school success. But the neuropsych evaluation would not be where you see for example what grade level the child is reading at, where he is in math, etc. |
Anonymous
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OP, PP again.
Is this little article about dealing with impulsivity helpful? http://www.addhelpline.org/parent_coach_column1.htm |
Anonymous
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PP AGAIN (so as not to be accused of sock puppeting).
The Parent Coach book looks like it might be useful: http://www.parentcoachcards.com/index.php?page=book |
Anonymous
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OP again. Thanks for all the links. I have been doing a ton of reading about this. Have Dev. appt on the 16th of Nov. We have had a better few weeks. We have worked through a few thinks, and the reports have been good for the most part.
So, here is my current quandary. I had the fall conference today. Though we did not get the report card yet, his teacher told me ds will be getting all A's. She said that academically, despite the fact that there are a number of behavior/impulsivity issues, he is keeping up with the work, and though in a number of instances she felt he was not "paying attention" due to distracting others, or reading at a time when he was supposed to be listening, he always had the answer when she called him on it. The two big things she felt were concerns were 1) taking responsibility for his actions. she said in this regard, she sees him well below his peers. He does do this with us as well on occasion, act as if he is being wronged for being disciplined for something he absolutely did. 2) distracting/bothering others. I asked if this was having social consequences, and she felt that it definitely did. He is being that "annoying" kid who will do things, just to get someone going, but then cannot seem to explain why. Interestingly enough, he does not do this at home, but gets VERY annoyed when his brother who has suspected AS does it to him. I guess I am struggling with the fact that I am taking my child who is getting all A's in an Advanced Academics class for an eval. It still feels like the right thing to do, I really worry if we do not figure this out soon, the behavior piece will just become more pronounced. And there are certainly major issues with keeping track of assignments, etc. Has anyone taken their child for an eval given the behavioral/impulsivity issues, but without academic problems? |
Anonymous
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Hi OP, 6:56 here. Our DS is the same - seems to be not paying attention but is taking it all in. Please excuse me if I'm repeating stuff you've answered before below.
You may have said but is this something that is of big concern to all his teachers over the years or just this year? Do you review behavior expectations with DS every morning and then talk about the day when he gets back and give him encouragement and talk about what he can do when he feels certain ways - like out of control? How does he like what he's learning? Would he rate school as easy, what does he say is hard about being there all day? Does he have friends or is it hard for him? What does he say when you have a conversation about one of these "episodes where he doesn't acknowledge what he's done" at a later time when all is calm? Is he afraid of consequences and just lying? Both our kids have reached an age where they will outright lie! All kids do. Have you tried all of this and it's still not working for him at all and you've seen no change? Is he any more mature than last year in the way he deals with stuff? If not, then I'd vote for moving ahead with the evaluation. It may provide valuable information to you or not but probably would be worth it. Despite the language we'd been receiving in emails, DS's teacher did not recommend an evaluation at the conference. We are working with her to settle him down in class. He can with reminders control himself but it's slow. It sounds like your DS is possibly, dare I say it, way beyond the curriculum. I would definitely have a complete IQ test evaluation done as well if that's not a part of the neuro evaluation. Good luck and let us know what you decide to do. |
Anonymous
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15:40 here. You absolutely can have evaluations for behavioral/impulsivity issues! It’s just that when there are academic issues, it can sometimes push people a little sooner or when academic issues are combined with behavioral issues that the totality of the issues leads one to an evaluation. Do not ever let school staff make you think that because your DS is achieving academically that he cannot qualify for an IEP/504! All the things you’re talking about are relevant in an academic setting, especially in elementary school. My kids have social goals and impulsivity goals in their IEPs. Please keep in mind that the school is focused on things that will impede is ability to access the curricula (and social problems will impact that) while you are looking at the ‘whole life’ aspect. Now is the time to teach your DS the structures and compensating skills that he’s going to need as he gets older. Things won’t always be so simple or managed later in life and it’s important to build expectations and support now.
FWIW I saw Dr. Scott speak at a CHADD meeting (I think it was CHADD) and I was really impressed by her. If we weren’t happy with our care provider, I would consider seeing her even though Reston is quite a haul for us. I imagine she would be a great person to speak to about this. I found her very knowledgeable and pragmatic. Keep us posted. |
Anonymous
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OP -- are you aware of this discussion forum? Might find useful info
http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/forums/3/1/Twice_Exceptional.html |
Anonymous
Yes -- for older DC who is in 5th grade (at an AAP Center) and doing beautifully, but after a year of therapy, medication, and a 504 plan. (We had our fall conference on Monday and the teacher is very, very pleased with DC's work academically, and really understands the 2E-nature of kids, including those with ADHD.) We are also in the midst of eval with younger DC who is in 2nd grade and has already been diagnosed with ADHD, and the fall conference with that teacher was markedly similar to older DC's comments. I echo the PPs suggestions about reading all you can in addition to seeking help from the evaluator. The FCPS Parent Resource Center has some great workshops, as does CHADD (as indicated by PPs). Good luck! |
Anonymous
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"The two big things she felt were concerns were 1) taking responsibility for his actions. she said in this regard, she sees him well below his peers. He does do this with us as well on occasion, act as if he is being wronged for being disciplined for something he absolutely did. 2) distracting/bothering others."
My oldest ADHD, inattentive type, had these behaviors before starting on medication. Literally overnight they were gone. I can tell if he forgets to take his meds even without looking at his school work because he blames everyone else for his behavior instead of accepting responsibility and by the way he annoys those around him. |
Anonymous
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OP again. PP thanks so much for your reply. Indeed, this has been a big problem since preschool. We have tried all sorts of behavior charts, etc. and with the exception of last year, he has had issues every year. Last year, his behavior grades were satisfactory (but not good or outstanding..which I am ok with).
I spoke with him about our conference. I started with how he is doing great in his subjects, and his teacher mentioned what a strong student he is. Then we spoke about some of the behavior issues. Mainly I discussed with him how he needs to 1) take responsibility for his actions 2) stop innapropriate behavior, and in fact, think before he does things like continually tap someones shoulder, even when they ask him to stop 3) be respectful, waiting his turn to answer, etc. With regard to friends, this is a sticky one. He does have friends, but he does not attend our neighborhood school. We had the right to opt out in K due to NCLB sanctions on our neighborhood school. Anyway, he is at a bit of a disadvantage due to this, since he does not see friends after school, etc. But, we have longtime friends from baseball, etc. The teacher mentioned that he does have friends, but, that other children have begun to not want to be around him since he can be annoying with his persistant behaviors. Funny enough, at home, he is not like that, but BOY when his brother (again who has suspected AS) is acting that way he goes crazy. So, I think I might try the slant of "when brother does this to you, how do you like it? So, it has begun to affect his friendships. Plus at his school, he is in a Local Level IV class, so he will likely be with the exact group for the next 3 years since there is one AAP class per grade. He needs to figure out how to get along... I was sort of thinking that we may need to make an appt for a more thorough eval done. Not sure what our dev. ped will do, since we saw her for AS with our younger son. Would love to know the full IQ stuff, to make sense of his strengths, etc. but not sure if we can get that paid for if part of a dev. eval
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