Outplacement directors that speak in code or total silence; can anyone translate ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aren't you all a little unhappy that this is the system you have bought into for your 8 year old or whatever (if we are talking WISC, this is an elementary aged child)? What a psycho rat race.

NP. Our family is in a lower socio-eco class, my son was accepted into all the schools we applied to. I happily shared the good news with our preschool head and was told not to tell any of the other parents. By the way, he had an excellent WISC score, teacher reports, and great play dates.

I don't get your point.

[Anonymous]

Most of the prior posters in this thread sound pretty needy and with outsized expectations of the amount of attention they should be getting in outplacement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the prior posters in this thread sound pretty needy and with outsized expectations of the amount of attention they should be getting in outplacement.

Why is it needy or outsized expectations to expect a school to return your emails, let alone pick up the phone? If OP isn't getting responses to her emails, that's actually pretty bad, and she's right to wonder if there's something going on.

Nobody here is arguing that it's the duty of every school to help every kid get into their first choice. Or that a school could even make this happen for every kid....

But it would be stupid to ignore how these things work, behind the scenes. This may -- or may not -- be an explanation (or a partial explanation) of what's happening with OP. Of course, we shouldn't rule out that there's something else entirely, like OP is a PITA, or her kid isn't as promising as she thinks, or she hasn't donated a penny to her current school. Only OP knows for sure. But there are a bunch of possible explanations, and OP needs to understand this one, which is real and happens every day during admissions season.

11:53's "pointless" post does make one useful point amidst all the boasting. Schools do encourage you not to talk about where your kid got accepted with other parents, and they tell the kids the same thing. I think this is actually a kind and humane thing. It's not just to spare the school the embarrassment of explaining why the kid with low SSATs but donor parents got accepted. It's also the polite and kind way to behave around other kids, because not everybody gets into their first choices, for all the reasons we've been discussing here, both the good and bad reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aren't you all a little unhappy that this is the system you have bought into for your 8 year old or whatever (if we are talking WISC, this is an elementary aged child)? What a psycho rat race.

NP. Our family is in a lower socio-eco class, my son was accepted into all the schools we applied to. I happily shared the good news with our preschool head and was told not to tell any of the other parents. By the way, he had an excellent WISC score, teacher reports, and great play dates.

That is great about the acceptances, but I don't see the connection. And frankly no parents really know what the teacher reports say as they are confidential. And if preschool it would not have been the WISC...

[Anonymous]

Schools put a lot of weight into where their graduates go. It looks much better on their pamphlets if they can say students went to elite schools. That could be one reason they are pushing you towards a school you aren't interested in: they feel it will reflect better on them to have your daughter go there than elsewhere.

Bullshit, basically.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 15:31 that K-6 schools have a long-term interest in sending the "right" lawyer's white straight-A daughter to the "right" school - with "right" obviously being a very subjective word but generally favoring donor parents and not favoring PITA parents, etc.... Otherwise, the elite school might think twice before taking the first school's grads in a future year.

Yeah, even if it makes sense from the school's POV, it's BS when you're a family caught up in it.

[Anonymous]

I am the pp who said to be careful. Our dc who scored really high and is a calm/happy child did not get in a few schools that we saw other kids get into--kids with lower scores etc etc. I had tried to talk with the OD a few times and also got blown off and I sort of let it go and thought it would be okay..it wasn't. I should have went to the top. Took a lot and had to wait to see if a WL broke..it did and dc now are settled in a great school--and yes I did have a meeting on why this happened but too late. If I could do it over again..I would have noticed that we were being pushed away and just went to the next level. FYI-we volunteer/donate etc etc but are not PITTA parents..I actually think the pains seem to get further as the assumption is that the others won't complain. I have gotten an education on this type of nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aren't you all a little unhappy that this is the system you have bought into for your 8 year old or whatever (if we are talking WISC, this is an elementary aged child)? What a psycho rat race.

NP. Our family is in a lower socio-eco class, my son was accepted into all the schools we applied to. I happily shared the good news with our preschool head and was told not to tell any of the other parents. By the way, he had an excellent WISC score, teacher reports, and great play dates.

That is great about the acceptances, but I don't see the connection. And frankly no parents really know what the teacher reports say as they are confidential. And if preschool it would not have been the WISC...

Meant WPPSI, it's been a while. Actually, his classroom teachers said to me in person during our meeting that he was wonderful. They must have told Beauvoir, Sidwell, and Maret the same thing.

Yes, he was administered the WISC as part of the admissions process when applying to STA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Meant WPPSI, it's been a while. Actually, his classroom teachers said to me in person during our meeting that he was wonderful. They must have told Beauvoir, Sidwell, and Maret the same thing.

Yes, he was administered the WISC as part of the admissions process when applying to STA.

Still not clear why you think it's necessary to tell us this, given the thread is about something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Schools put a lot of weight into where their graduates go. It looks much better on their pamphlets if they can say students went to elite schools. That could be one reason they are pushing you towards a school you aren't interested in: they feel it will reflect better on them to have your daughter go there than elsewhere.

Bullshit, basically.

Well, not Bullshit, but really something a whole lot different than, "we really get to know your child" and " the vast majority of families find their DC is accepted to their first choice school" Seems that DO steers a family based on all the puzzle pieces she has. If a family drinks the koolaid and goes where they are pointed, DO 's job is easy. If they keep insisting that they want something else, then maybe phone calls don't get returned or emails answered. Really sad, because DD has done her part:worked hard ,been a nice kid and gotten high marks and scores and does have her sights set on a particular school that , but is still being steered away. And yes, we do volunteer both in general and in our professional capacities and give what we can financially.

I disagree that the OD or a teacher who had 18 kids in his class knows my DD better than DH and I. It is their job, but she is our child.

[Anonymous]

They're not likely to know your kid better than you do but they are likely to know local school much better than most parents do. And likely to know which types of kids flourish where.

If you think that the school is clueless about what your kid's like, by all means ignore what they're saying (but then you might pause to remember that you've already proven you aren't very good at choosing a school for your kid because you've chosen one where they don't get your kid and then you kept her there for years regardless).

Koolaid's served in lots of places and flavors. Maybe you've been drinking it elsewhere without realizing it.

[Anonymous]

PS I'm not saying do what you're told -- just listen and you might learn something if you go in with a more open attitude than the one you've expressed and listen to what they're telling you about your kid, kids generally/her cohort, other schools, etc.

In the end, parents are the ones who decide (and live with the consequences). But you'll be a better parent if you can find people you can trust to partner with in your child's education and if you're willing to listen and learn and re-evaluate your own preferences and attitudes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're not likely to know your kid better than you do but they are likely to know local school much better than most parents do. And likely to know which types of kids flourish where.

If you think that the school is clueless about what your kid's like, by all means ignore what they're saying (but then you might pause to remember that you've already proven you aren't very good at choosing a school for your kid because you've chosen one where they don't get your kid and then you kept her there for years regardless).

Koolaid's served in lots of places and flavors. Maybe you've been drinking it elsewhere without realizing it.

You make some assumptions here. The discussion isn't about whether the parents get their DD or the school does. The discussion is about whether it is about the kids at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PS I'm not saying do what you're told -- just listen and you might learn something if you go in with a more open attitude than the one you've expressed and listen to what they're telling you about your kid, kids generally/her cohort, other schools, etc.

In the end, parents are the ones who decide (and live with the consequences). But you'll be a better parent if you can find people you can trust to partner with in your child's education and if you're willing to listen and learn and re-evaluate your own preferences and attitudes.

would you trust someone who didn't respond to your email on more than one occasion ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PS I'm not saying do what you're told -- just listen and you might learn something if you go in with a more open attitude than the one you've expressed and listen to what they're telling you about your kid, kids generally/her cohort, other schools, etc.

In the end, parents are the ones who decide (and live with the consequences). But you'll be a better parent if you can find people you can trust to partner with in your child's education and if you're willing to listen and learn and re-evaluate your own preferences and attitudes.

Yes, teacher.