Do you stick with your own?

[Anonymous]

It's human nature to gravitate toward people who are like you. It happens even within one monolithic culture. So it's not surprising that people with similar backgrounds chat together. You could invite them and their kids to a playdate if you'd like. I'm sure most people would be really happy to expand their circle of friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am white/US-born/euro-American. Live in a very expensive neighborhood in DC.

I have found that my favorite Mom buddies are invariably the women from other countries. It doesn't matter which, either! English is their second language.

I always gravitate to them over the more common archetype who populates my zip code.

I think I used to live in your neighborhood. I was the same way. I was the only 'American' mom in a big circle of International women. What I liked about it was there was such a different perspective on child-rearing, family, etc. There wasn't the competition that comes with American-style parenting. I found these moms to be so much more down-to-earth. There also wasn't a 'keeping up with the joneses' mentality. I have some really lasting relationships from those days and have even been overseas with my family to visit a few that have moved away (and vice versa).

I loved the neighborhood as a whole because it reminded me so much of my time living in Europe. I also made friends with a lot of the nannies too!

[Anonymous]

Nope!

Our best parent friends are native to another region / language. I think it helps that my college roommate was also from that region / language, so I know what to expect. Our daycare is also of another completely different region / language and we have some good friends there as well. I think in general its hard to make friends with parents since I'm chasing my kid around constantly and don't have a chance to make chit-chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope!

Our best parent friends are native to another region / language. I think it helps that my college roommate was also from that region / language, so I know what to expect. Our daycare is also of another completely different region / language and we have some good friends there as well. I think in general its hard to make friends with parents since I'm chasing my kid around constantly and don't have a chance to make chit-chat.

^^^Also I should say its easier to meet people one-on-one away from the group AND it helps to participate in areas / activities that a diverse group of people attend.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I feel most comfortable around folks who are like me.

[Anonymous]

New poster here. When my daughter was in elementary school, about half the students were Hispanic. I am white and do not speak Spanish. Some of the parents spoke English well, while others did not. But a number of times while I was talking one-on-one with Spanish-speaking parent in English, if another Hispanic parent came over to talk, the conversation would turn to Spanish, effecively cutting me out of it. I found that kind of rude and eventually started gravitating more toward parents of all races who spoke only English.

[Anonymous]

I am Caribbean-American, and gravitate to European or foreign Moms in general, but I chat with anyone who is willing. It just seems like the Euros are more comfortable having a genuine interaction than some of the fake niceties that I've come across from the US moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am Caribbean-American, and gravitate to European or foreign Moms in general, but I chat with anyone who is willing. It just seems like the Euros are more comfortable having a genuine interaction than some of the fake niceties that I've come across from the US moms.

We all have ways of being fake, in every single culture on the planet. The "fakeness" of other cultures than our own stands out more, but we all do it. I've lived here, in Europe, and in Asia, and I can tell you we all create cultural "niceties" that don't appear so nice to outsiders. To the poster, I presume you don't care, but your comment makes you sound like a snob, and if you come off at school functions like you do her, you are getting "fake niceties" because we're too polite to call you on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am white/US-born/euro-American. Live in a very expensive neighborhood in DC.

I have found that my favorite Mom buddies are invariably the women from other countries. It doesn't matter which, either! English is their second language.

I always gravitate to them over the more common archetype who populates my zip code.

this is me exactly. My DC friends are almost all here with an embassy or the World Bank, etc. The only hard thing is that those from other countries are more likely to eventually leave so that makes it sad.

however, we all speak English. I don't speak any other languages so I'd find it very difficult to communicate with someone who doesn't speak English.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you were living in a foreign country and found a group of American moms in your school wouldn't you choose to stick to them?

This exactly. My culture is rare in America so you can imagine my excitement when I overhear a random person speaking my language. It's almost like you instantly find a best friend/kindred spirit.

[Anonymous]

I've noticed that a lot of the black moms tend to befriend each other and so do the white moms. Not a lot of mixing so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am Caribbean-American, and gravitate to European or foreign Moms in general, but I chat with anyone who is willing. It just seems like the Euros are more comfortable having a genuine interaction than some of the fake niceties that I've come across from the US moms.

4

spot on, C-A!

I've been trying to explain this to my husband for years b/c it is a cause of friction I see among the mothers at my daughter's school. Two years ago, my friend, who relocated to Italy, vacationed in the US. She noticed immediately how many American woman loved superficial conversations - and how easily offended they were if you scratched beneath their glossy lifestyle!

Europeans have a very different way of looking at life, as they call a spade a spade.

My friend was born here but traveled each summer to Italy to stay with relatives. So she spent half of her life in the US. Growing up, I found myself surrounded by other Italians - family friends and school chums - b/c we just had more in common in terms of how we viewed life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish parents would just be friendlier in general--introduce yourself to others at school gatherings, gah, --I do it sometimes but after a while I get a little gun shy of people who act taken aback by an ordinary greeting. Come on people, we all went to college mixers; you should try to mingle!

I can agree with this. I made it a point to smile, greet and look at the parent and children in my sons preschool class. I have found that most people have not been friendly. It's very sad. Some just look as if I have invaded their privacy or something. Just trying to friendly, we are all in the same boat. I try to mingle but it seems to me too that people just hang with the same people and are not really open and inviting. I live in mo. co. rockville area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am Caribbean-American, and gravitate to European or foreign Moms in general, but I chat with anyone who is willing. It just seems like the Euros are more comfortable having a genuine interaction than some of the fake niceties that I've come across from the US moms.

4

spot on, C-A!

I've been trying to explain this to my husband for years b/c it is a cause of friction I see among the mothers at my daughter's school. Two years ago, my friend, who relocated to Italy, vacationed in the US. She noticed immediately how many American woman loved superficial conversations - and how easily offended they were if you scratched beneath their glossy lifestyle!

Europeans have a very different way of looking at life, as they call a spade a spade.

My friend was born here but traveled each summer to Italy to stay with relatives. So she spent half of her life in the US. Growing up, I found myself surrounded by other Italians - family friends and school chums - b/c we just had more in common in terms of how we viewed life.

Agree! I am from Europe and this is so true in my experience. It is really frustrating. I live in MD.

[Anonymous]

10:54 - this.
17:55 - this too.

This is likely the norm instead of the holier than thou maybe its you posters who like to think everyone should want to hang out with them. Its not all naive fun and games Kumbaya, y'know.

I know neighbors who would rather go out of their way to find their kind instead of the people next door. From baby groups through elementary. I think it is them who are ethnocentric.