K son comes home everyday saying he has no friends and nobody will play with him...what to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to the teacher and the school counselor. A lot of schools have "lunch bunch" and other programs to help kids at lunch.

This has worked wonders for my neighbor's son who is friendly to other kids but doesn't know how to make friends (if that makes any sense). He picks one or two boys and they all eat lunch in the counselor's office once a week or so. It doesn't seem so overwhelming to the child that way.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the suggestions re: counselor. I think I may see what she suggests.

I should also add - I really don't think the other boys are excluding my son on purpose. I agree that kids this age just stick to what is familiar. I hope my original post didn't suggest that I blamed the other kids. I don't. In fact, I think my son is probably not the best when it comes to playing what other kids want to play with (as opposed to what he wants to do).

Thank you again everybody for the helpful suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Do you belong to a local parish or synagoge in the neighborhood you are in? Maybe he will see some kids their from Thw school.

[Anonymous]

OP please tell the teacher. She can easily buddy him up with someone based on his personality. I've had several friends who have gone this route with great success. The teacher will be happy to help because your son will be happier and do better in class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assign seats in lunch? Be careful what you wish for. My son is nice and easygoing. When seats were assigned, all the nice easygoing boys were used to separate the handfuls.

Hoping it would rub off on the others (i.e., the easygoing boys would model expected lunchroom behavior).
Not exactly a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

So sorry to hear this. My DD had a similar situation last year. He was new to his school (1st grade) and felt very left out. He had always made friends easily in the past, but the culture at the new school was very cliquish and hard to break into. Rest assured that over time he will find that all-important 1st new friend. That's the hardest one to make. After that, it will be much easier. I agree with the PP's who suggest asking the teacher for a list of kids with similar personalities. That's a good starting point. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

oops, DS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assign seats in lunch? Be careful what you wish for. My son is nice and easygoing. When seats were assigned, all the nice easygoing boys were used to separate the handfuls.

Hoping it would rub off on the others (i.e., the easygoing boys would model expected lunchroom behavior).
Not exactly a bad idea.

as a parent of one of those "nice kids" I don't like the idea at all. Why should my child be the one to "teach" the more "difficult" kids how to behave? He should sit with his own friends and enjoy his lunch. Nothing my child does will change another child, why ruin his lunch.

[Anonymous]

OP,

A big hug to you and your DS. My DC had a similar experience in PS3, as the only new student in a class of children who'd known one another since birth. Plus my child was outgoing, but somewhat lacking in social skills. Painful experience, happy ending.

I noticed that DC was being excluded by the other children when I accompanied the class on a field trip. I shared my concerns with the teachers, and told them I trusted them to show us the way forward. I would consider touching base with your child's teacher before resorting to the counsellor, however busy s/he may appear to be.

My child's teachers spoke to the class about friendship and inclusion, and they helped build bridges between my DC and a classmate who was particularly...well, let's not go there. All DC's classmates were great kids, as I stressed to the teachers in discussing the situation.

Some of the parents observed DC's plight, and they began to be more inclusive with birthday party invitations, for which we were so grateful. So I think your idea of play dates is an excellent one.

It may be that your DC is already making lots of friends at this point; but if he's so stressed that he's complaining at home, he may need your active support. Based on my own childhood experiences, I wish my parents had validated, rather than dismissed, my feelings of social frustration. So I think it's great that you plan to be present in the classroom. I think that will help a lot.

The happy ending is that DC, now six, started a new school this year, and according to his teachers, is interacting happily with many new classmates. Part of it is that these new classmates are really a kind and gentle group of children. Perhaps it's also because DC was able to learn from that earlier experience, thanks to the guidance and support of her PS teachers. So no, I certainly don't think your DS is doomed to one thousand years of solitude! But even taking into account the difference in ages (5 years old vs. 3 year old), he may need support from you.

[Anonymous]

OP here -

A very heartfelt thanks to PP (and really everybody) for sharing. It truly does help to hear about other people's experiences (and especially the happy endings).

We have a couple of playdates scheduled...phew...and today seemed better. Again, thanks to everybody.