Forum Index
»
Off-Topic
Is there a hierarchy in death?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
If your husband is unemployed, you have no business contributing to funeral expenses, and they have no business asking.
A funeral doesn't have to be expensive, and not to be crass, funeral homes take credit cards. They can pay for it. A simple cremation can run under 1K. |
Anonymous
I'm not sure if this is true. My father passed away last year unexpectedly. He was not married (to my mother or my step-mother of which I have a little sister by). His mother was still alive at the time of his death and he has 3 surviving siblings. I was told by the police and coroner's office that I was the next of kin being the oldest child since he wasn't married. My sister is 14 yrs younger than me, so while she is an adult she is very young and has 3 young children. I knew that she couldn't afford to contribute so I paid for the whole thing. It costs $3000 for a cremation. That was the cheapest option. There was no funeral service, no one was there but my sister and I. The funeral home picked up the body laid him on a table with a sheet. My sister wanted to see so she was given a 15 mins or so with him and I wrote a check. That was it. They had him cremated and gave us the urn box and flag. I coordinated a funeral service with Arlington Cemetery because he was a veteran and that was no cost. The other issue was that his siblings wanted things done a certain way, but my sister nor I could afford it. They didn't offer to pay for these things so I did what my sister, my grandmother, and I could afford and agreed upon. While I was a little surprised that his siblings (my aunts and uncles) didn't offer to pitch in, I was grateful that I didn't feel pressured to conduct the funeral their way. So while I think the cost of a simple cremation is more than pp is guessing, I don't think you need to offer to money if you really can't afford it. She was married and her next of kin (DH) should be responsible for the cost. |
Anonymous
Her husband has been unemployed 18 months. She is 5 months pregnant. If they could afford to get pregnant, after a year of unemployment, obviously money isn't too big a concern. |
Anonymous
|
OP, I think you would be well-served to ask yourself, "What CAN I do?" instead of "What SHOULD I do?" Becuase of the cross-cultural stuff and other things PPs have mentioned, your framework for "should" isn't the right one here.
Support your husband as much as you can through this, including by contributing what you CAN to the funeral, and it will pay dividends in the future when you need something - whether it's a money thing, a spiritual thing, or an emotional thing - in the future. I speak from experience. |
Anonymous
Well, right, because ALL babies are planned. |
Anonymous
Precautions can be taken. If the OP has NO IDEA how pregnancy happens, she has way more complicated problems than paying for her SIL's funeral! |
Anonymous
| 14:36 is very wise. I'm glad I opened this thread and read her advice. |
Anonymous
| I hate it when people post stuff, ask a question, get replies, and then say, "oh, by the way, here's something that totally has an influence on how people might have answered." And what does "hope that helps? mean?? We aren't asking for help, you are. I don't get you OP. Just do what you want. You know the right thing, you just don't want to do it and are now looking for excuses and for people to agree with you. |
Anonymous
|
My half sister passed last year, very unexpectedly. She was broke and on disability. She also had 2 minor children she left behind. DH and I contributed about 3k. The rest came from contributions from the small town community where she lived. In OH, a bare bones funeral (at church) with limited viewing hours, basic casket/vault, lower end cemetary site & embalming/storage of the body and things like the obituary and memorial cards at the service ran just under 7k.
My Mom, other sister and her father, contributed nothing. They didn't have the funds. Now DH and I are both employed so the situation was different. |
Anonymous
Even so, how will he look at you if you fight him over his sister's funeral? That kind of thing doesn't go away. |
Anonymous
|
Do they actually need the money to pay for the funeral?
Or do they need the money to host a party afterward? Either way - if you feel you need to contribute - give them a $100 and call it a day. |
Anonymous
It's not his sister but SIL |
Anonymous
Re-read the original post. It is her SIL and she said that DH lost a sister. |
Anonymous
|
"...BIL lost his wife, [b]DH lost his sister[b], MIL lost her daughter..."
It's his sister he's trying to bury. Don't mess with that. |