How do you handle totally wack-o relatives?

[Anonymous]

I have racist/bigoted family members. I also have fundy family members.

We see them once a year. They have no idea I'm an atheist and I don't share my political persuasions at all.

If they acted like your family - I wouldn't see them at all.

[Anonymous]

"Family gatherings ARE obligatory."


No, it's a choice. It's always a choice.

[Anonymous]

"Now, now, you know I did not mean that literally. Your husband's family formed who he is, and you love him. It may have been negative formation, but it still brought your husband to you. Trying to be positive! "

Utter rubbish!

[Anonymous]

ManWithAUsername: you are spot on. They single me out as an example of what's wrong with the entire country ( and now the world) and raise their voices to the point that my DS came running in, wondering what the hell is going on!

Perhaps they do this because I let them, and it's time i set some boundaries.

Whether family visits are "obligatory" is a slippery slope.

[Anonymous]

"Obligatory" PP here...

My husband's ethnicity puts great emphasis on family, respect for elders, and obedience. As much as I would dearly love to put greater distance between us, and as many times as I need to bite my tongue and just not engage, and as many times as there have been ugly scenes, I know full well his parents will probably end up living with us in their old age (soon, actually), and while I may not be able to control that, I can control my reaction to them. Smiling, staying polite, just not responding...it is hard, but then, they clearly have a hard time accepting me, too.

BTW, they are the liberal atheists, we are the conservative religious ones.

[Anonymous]

Try having your dad call your infant son a "sand n****." That kills the obligation RIGHT THERE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Obligatory" PP here...

My husband's ethnicity puts great emphasis on family, respect for elders, and obedience. As much as I would dearly love to put greater distance between us, and as many times as I need to bite my tongue and just not engage, and as many times as there have been ugly scenes, I know full well his parents will probably end up living with us in their old age (soon, actually), and while I may not be able to control that, I can control my reaction to them. Smiling, staying polite, just not responding...it is hard, but then, they clearly have a hard time accepting me, too.

BTW, they are the liberal atheists, we are the conservative religious ones.

Stupid. Really, really stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Obligatory" PP here...

My husband's ethnicity puts great emphasis on family, respect for elders, and obedience. As much as I would dearly love to put greater distance between us, and as many times as I need to bite my tongue and just not engage, and as many times as there have been ugly scenes, I know full well his parents will probably end up living with us in their old age (soon, actually), and while I may not be able to control that, I can control my reaction to them. Smiling, staying polite, just not responding...it is hard, but then, they clearly have a hard time accepting me, too.

BTW, they are the liberal atheists, we are the conservative religious ones.

Stupid. Really, really stupid.

Which part?

[Anonymous]

I cut mine off b/c life is indeed too short.

FWIW, OP, my cousins got into an argument over whether OJ was guilty - the granola atheist versus the conservative Christian.

seriously heated argument

So why bother with stupidity? Blood may be thicker than water, but blood's messy. Water's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Obligatory" PP here...

My husband's ethnicity puts great emphasis on family, respect for elders, and obedience. As much as I would dearly love to put greater distance between us, and as many times as I need to bite my tongue and just not engage, and as many times as there have been ugly scenes, I know full well his parents will probably end up living with us in their old age (soon, actually), and while I may not be able to control that, I can control my reaction to them. Smiling, staying polite, just not responding...it is hard, but then, they clearly have a hard time accepting me, too.

BTW, they are the liberal atheists, we are the conservative religious ones.

wacko

[TheManWithAUsername]

Anonymous wrote:Whether family visits are "obligatory" is a slippery slope.

I don't share the opinion of some here that it's crazy to see these things as obligatory or in a gray area. I have a pretty black/white attitude stemming from early family conflicts, and it's served me well. I know many people who put up with more, and it seems to work for some of them.

I don't know many people who look forward to the holidays as much as I do, though. I wouldn't want to go back.

[Anonymous]

I have some ultra conservative, evangelical relatives and when politics or religion comes up, I say absolutely nothing. If I'm asked my answer is that I not well versed in either subject and will defer to their wisdom. Generally, once they know there isn't going to be an argument, they shut up and we find something pleasant to talk about. If this doesn't work then I find an urgent need to visit the bathroom and/or take a nap.

[Anonymous]

Are they better behaved in restaurants? At least they can't turn the TV to Glen Beck in a restaurant. If they don't shape up, you can limit your contact to going out to eat with them when you visit other family in the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are they better behaved in restaurants? At least they can't turn the TV to Glen Beck in a restaurant. If they don't shape up, you can limit your contact to going out to eat with them when you visit other family in the area.

Mine weren't.

Every Easter the entire clan went out. When the bill came, the SAME ones always paid for everyone (Dad was a "payer."). The others conveniently left for the bathroom or had to change a diaper or pretended not to see the check - you name it.

I am the "OJ Simpson" PP, btw.

What a great extended family I have, no? Guess who was excluded from my wedding?

It's the only way for me to stay sane.

[Anonymous]

12:46 - I don't care who they might THINK they are, people earn respect. NP here. If my IL's are disrespectful to me then, POOF! I owe them nothing. We have given our in laws much, and they are completely ungrateful and see it as every opportunity to slip into their old ways of DH as a door mat- instead of stepping up and saying gee, thanks. No. Way. They don't see me at family functions. I never did anything to them. Respect goes both ways. MIL can stuff it.