If your spouse's job requires 50% or more of travel--what is it like?

[Anonymous]

If that is what it takes for him to keep a good job, he has to do it. The good thing is that you have a PT flexible schedule.

[Anonymous]

I was a teacher and had to quit work. My kids were sick and I was the only one who could pick them up. We have no family in the area and I could only call on friends/babysitters so often.
My DH travels about 6 months of the year. He is gone for 2-3 weeks at a time, over weekends and holidays. It was really hard when they were young, but now that they're 7 and 5, we have a great routine. Time alone is very important to me. I tell my kids to have quiet time when they're home and we stick to it. I also have friends over for dinner frequently and occasionally get a babysitter to go to a movie or dinner with friends.
This deal only works because my husband is an amazing, hands on father. He understands the sacrifices I made in my career and life, frankly, and he picks up all the slack when he's home. We parent together, do things with the kids, and go out together on date nights when he is in town.
Also, I utilize the day care at my gym 5 times a week. I take a shower there some days and sit in the sauna sometimes just to get a break.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single parent and it can certainly be done. You sound like you are in a good place b/c of your job which is PT and flexible. The only difference between me and my married friends who husband travel a lot is that they get very nervous and uptight when DH leaves. They worry that they can't do it. Plan ahead as much as possible and ask friends for help. My friends ask me for help much more than I ask them.

[Anonymous]

My husband has been in sales since we met and always traveled. Currently, we're at the point where he's gone Sunday or Monday through Friday every single week. I work full time, and we have a 4 yo son. It's always been hard, but we've managed. The downside is that I'm positively exhausted all week and feel like I'm holding on by a thread by the time he gets home. I feel like I overindulge my son sometimes, because I'm just too tired to deal with behavior issues. I'm not proud of that aspect at all.

The one upside to my husband being gone all the time is that we miss each other so much that our relationship stays pretty hot. By the time he gets home on Friday night, I want to rip his clothes off the minute he walks through the door.

He's just accepted a new position in management at his company and will no longer be traveling. I really think that it's the best thing for our family, although it involves us relocating to Memphis. I'm excited to finally have my husband around full-time and for my son to have his father more involved in his life.

I think that travel can certainly work for a family if it needs to, but I don't know that it's sustainable for more than a few years. My husband's health has really suffered because of the grueling travel schedule, and I know that I haven't taken as good of care of myself as I should given all the demands.

Best of luck in your decision!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not sign up for an absentee DH and absentee father to my kids.

Actually, its what you do sign up for when you marry somebody. None of us go into it thinking our spouse will work long hours, or get cancer, that our children have autism or that we will have PPD. But it is a partnership, and one that you did indeed sign up for.

A decision like this needs to be made jointly with eyes open on the issues that may arise. And if the burden outweighs the benefits, decline the position. But a lot of people don't have that luxery.

You don't make the rules.

[Anonymous]

I work full time (though at a non-demanding job) and my husband travels a lot (40 percent, not 50). Now that my son is 2, I really don't mind. It used to be hard getting ready for work in the morning, but now that DS is older, he can play by himself for a bit or watch 15 minutes or so of TV while I shower, so it isn't a big deal. DS doesn't like dinner much, so he mostly elects to eat cheese and crakers or fruit and yogurt, which is easy to prepare. We have cleaning people, and in exchange for doing more work with DS, I don't do any housework that is not an immediate need (e.g., if DS has no clean clothes, I will do wash, otherwise DH does it when he gets back). Since DS is more used to me, even when DH is back, I do more childcare and he does more housework stuff.

[Anonymous]

One thing to add as 12:52 is that in some ways I like the travel, because I can have my own way about things a lot of the time, but still have a partner for company sometimes too. For example, my husband is big on trying to force my son to eat a "hot dinner", which he never wants. But when it is just me and DS, it is never an issue, I just give him something small, cold, and healthy and we move on.

[Anonymous]

"I really think that it's the best thing for our family, although it involves us relocating to Memphis."

Bummer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not sign up for an absentee DH and absentee father to my kids.

Actually, its what you do sign up for when you marry somebody. None of us go into it thinking our spouse will work long hours, or get cancer, that our children have autism or that we will have PPD. But it is a partnership, and one that you did indeed sign up for.

A decision like this needs to be made jointly with eyes open on the issues that may arise. And if the burden outweighs the benefits, decline the position. But a lot of people don't have that luxery.

Agree, and I don't get why people feel the need to post drivel like this (bolded poster). My husband doesn't travel that much, but if he needed to for work we'd be fine, my parents are nearby and they would just help out even more than they do. I'm sure some families don't have the luxury of deciding on things like this all the time - if your family's health insurance and income depend on it etc. It's not for me but hey, it works for some families.

My dad traveled all the time and it worked out fine. My mom stayed home and his job paid well that she was not overly stressed.

[Anonymous]

We may be in this position because DH is looking for work. I stay at home, so we're dependent upon his income. This is a recession, and good jobs are scarce, so if DH has to travel, well, that's the way it is. I'm scared of it, but if it happens, I will manage. My friend's husband travels two full weeks out of every month, and she's fine with it. She gets lots of things done in her DH's absence, but that's their relationship too. They keep in constant touch via phone, skype, text, email, so she feels she can call him about anything, trivial or not. That helps keep him involved with the kids (shall I let DD go on this sleepover?), even when he's out of town.

It's not ideal, but sometimes you don't have a choice in the matter if you want to maintain a career and support a family. If it happens, I'd think the heavy travel schedule is only sustainable for a few years, though, otherwise DH will burn out.