This whole trip on divorced and divorcing parents that pops up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14:29 Your income will go into financial aid decisions for college. Something to consider in your long term financial planning.

As a first mom, I am so tired of the bashing from the stepmoms! (Not surprised her ex went for an upgrade? That is VICIOUS.)

I'm one of the stepmoms and that was a nasty comment. But please note that the poster didn't idenify themselves as a stepmom. I agree, there shouldn't be generalizing and nastiness in either direction. (And, many of us are in multiple categories divorced/coparent/stepparent...etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12:27 The relationship between stepmother and mother of the first child/children is fraught, I agree. What I never get from stepmothers is any sense that they appreciate how much their arrival on the scene altered the post-divorce relationship between the first set of parents. My ex was much more communicative, much more involved with our child before his new partner arrived on the scene. (In fact, I always know when she travels for business because his old self resurfaces.) This partner has walked around in her underpants in front of our child, a boy, and not a toddler, in a hotel room! Our pediatrician was so appalled, she sent my ex a letter. She also connives to get my ex to take tons of vacations with her, as in several weeks a year, which means he drops overnights left and right. They do not care if that inconveniences me. This isn't knee-jerk. This is experience!
What really bothers me is stepmothers wanting the entire estate if their husband dies before them. In some circumstances, that is just wrong.

Ugh. You again. You have a problem with your child's stepmother. Stop taking it out on the UNIVERSE of stepmothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good post OP - I've been divorced (and a stepmom) now remarried....it's hard to imagine that anyone thinks people just jump into divorce.

Mine did. Refused to address his depression and ADD despite the ped even saying that the kids were impacted. Left and refused to go to any counseling other than to set up visitation. Treatment or any attempt at reconcilliation was off the table. I was a SAHM with 2 SN kids too young for full time school. He had agreed to keep us on insurance until I had a job but dropped that when a chance at a nicer apt for him came up. The financial commitment was minimal and I offered to give him that money to keep the good insurance for the kids and me but he said the idea of any tie gave him a bad feeling and that his feelings count for something. So maybe not all or even most people just jump into divorce but mine did. Turns out that he was having an affair with a coworker too, as that heated up all of the terms and treatment re: us got worse. From a healthy adult relationship standpoint we are better off without him but my kids have regressed, there isn't time or money for the quality therapies they received and I don't have much flexibility as a new employee to take time off even for their illnesses. I don't have family in town and the ex fought us moving out of the area. It's hard and we are always on thin ice financially. I get caught in thinking about if my kids could have done better if the focus could have been kept on that, that part is really hard, as is the thought that they would go to him if something happened to me. He rarely takes them on his own and almost never more than one of them at a time. There isn't much to do but soldier on. Kuddos to those that tried, that was not my experience.

[Anonymous]

22:07 No, I am not taking it out on the whole universe of stepmothers. Yes I have issues with my child's. If you knew the facts, you would surely agree she is not the ideal stepmother to my child. However I do not think every stepmother is like that. I have dear friends who are stepmothers to other children! As I've posted, I am tired of any criticism about stepmothers being misconstrued as a blanket criticism of all stepmothers. I do not write global sentences about stepmothers. Such thinking is specious, it perpetuates the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:22:07 No, I am not taking it out on the whole universe of stepmothers. Yes I have issues with my child's. If you knew the facts, you would surely agree she is not the ideal stepmother to my child. However I do not think every stepmother is like that. I have dear friends who are stepmothers to other children! As I've posted, I am tired of any criticism about stepmothers being misconstrued as a blanket criticism of all stepmothers. I do not write global sentences about stepmothers. Such thinking is specious, it perpetuates the problem.

I think I recognize your posts from other threads....

[Anonymous]

And so? I'm advocating fairness and thinking things through. Pretty controversial stuff! One OP, a stepmother, was not considering remarriage or a falling out with her stepson. These things happen! One PP was a financial planner who agreed with me. There are tons of articles on this, advocating the same thing: fairness. I am not bashing anyone, I am simply arguing for fairness.
http://www.delougherylaw.com/Articles/How-to-Prevent-Disinheritance-of-Your-Own-Children.shtml

[Anonymous]

Here's another article on estate planning for blended families. Everyone agrees it's complicated! I recall that in one thread, the OP's own husband did not agree with her reasoning on how to handle his son, her step-son, in the will! Is he saying terrible things about stepmothers? No. But somehow I am. Even though I am not.

http://rbsllc.com/blog/2011/03/estate-for-stepfamilies/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's another article on estate planning for blended families. Everyone agrees it's complicated! I recall that in one thread, the OP's own husband did not agree with her reasoning on how to handle his son, her step-son, in the will! Is he saying terrible things about stepmothers? No. But somehow I am. Even though I am not.

http://rbsllc.com/blog/2011/03/estate-for-stepfamilies/

Nothing kills a forum like articles on Estate planning. Pun intended.