Unintended pregnancy + consequences?

[Anonymous]

I was on leave for depression (Ivy league school, since we like to mention these things around here) when I got pregnant. Shot gun wedding, became SAHM for a couple years, went back to school and actually learned a lot by staying focused and attending classes and doing the readings - wish I had done that more the first time around! Now I WOH in a career I enjoy and I'm damn proud of that degree. Even though I finished college a couple years later than my peers, I'm doing arguably better than many of them who went on to law school... And even though DH and I married pretty young, we're going strong 7+ years later. I believe things happen for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Unwanted pregnancy finally broke up my crappy marriage. Which was a good thing. And I love my kid. So a win-win-win all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think out-of-wedlock mothers in their 30s may make more money than younger married mothers, but this is definitely not true for the younger set.

An observation: my friends who got pregnant at my college seemed to do fine. Most married their boyfriends, though one stayed a single mom and married another man later on in life. All found steady employment sooner or later.

My high school friends who got pregnant in their early late teens or 20s are not doing well. Most work in fast food/retail and cannot pay their bills. Some are onto their fourth or fifth children with several different men. No judgment here, I was just surprised to see the difference between them and my college friends who got pregnant at the same age.

The study that I saw actually looked closely at the younger women. They looked at their cohorts, rather than across all demographics. They did better than their peers in terms of lifetime income. That does not mean that they had a higher standard of living since the (non-pregnant) peers might have married and taken a back seat wrt jobs, let the husbands carry more weight.
I think that I saw it in the WSJ, years ago and the study was done by someone from the U. of Chicago. I was somewhat surprised, but I have noticed that the teen mothers who bring their children to my office for care are USUALLY way more mature than their friends.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I've had an unintended pregnancy, though we're married. We already had one child and I had just decided I didn't want another one. I was depressed and devastated- even a year later, my reaction (I found out at work) is legendary amongst my friends. I love that kid though! Wouldn't trade him for the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I've had an unintended pregnancy, though we're married. We already had one child and I had just decided I didn't want another one. I was depressed and devastated- even a year later, my reaction (I found out at work) is legendary amongst my friends. I love that kid though! Wouldn't trade him for the world.

I am intrigued - your reaction is legendary? Sounds like a good story. Wish you could share!

[Anonymous]

These are some great stories of women who have overcome great odds.

One of my favorite stories of someone who got pregnant at a young age, but nonetheless went on to great professional success-- Cathy Lanier, the Chief of the DC Police Department, a lovely tall blonde who was one of the youngest chiefs of a major city police department. She grew up in PG County, got pregnant at 15, and dropped out of school. She went on to finish school PT, and rise through the ranks to take her current position as DC Police Chief at age 37 a few years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got pregnant my sophomore year of college at an Ivy. I kept the baby, married my high school sweetheart, finished college. My husband joined the Marine Corps, got his JD. I returned to my faith while he was in law school. Now we have 8 children, whom I homeschool, and tomorrow is our 15th wedding anniversary.

I regret many things, because I see the consequences even seemingly small sins have. But I thank God for the many graces He has shown me, for forgiveness and love and redemption.

OP, I am so proud of you. I have several friends who dropped out of college due to unintended pregnancies, and they are brilliant, well-read, fascinating, STRONG women. Everything you are today is a gift, every experience an essential part of you. Think of all you gained by going the way you did.

And that is not just your child, who has a whole life to live. I mean YOU. You gained so much. Think about it.

I could ramble on, but I need to sneak in my exercise before all the kids wake up. God bless you.

Good grief! If you don't shatter the stereotype of a teen mom, no one does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I've had an unintended pregnancy, though we're married. We already had one child and I had just decided I didn't want another one. I was depressed and devastated- even a year later, my reaction (I found out at work) is legendary amongst my friends. I love that kid though! Wouldn't trade him for the world.

I am intrigued - your reaction is legendary? Sounds like a good story. Wish you could share!

Well, what I did was completely unprofessional, so keep that in mind. After I took the test in the office bathroom, I took 2 more, then called my husband and then had my sister make an OB appt for me. I then walked into my supervisor's office, threw down the still warm test stick on his desk (yes, I know- gross), and promptly burst into full-on sobs. Fortunately we're good friends and he was highly amused by it all. I kept on insisting I couldn't be pregnant so he called his wife and told her that it'd been 52 days since my last period and that there was a definite pregnant sign on the stick, and she said yep, I was pregnant and congrats. He was actually a little envious and wished that had happened to him. He still reenacts the drama today and each time I apologize for the unprofessionalism, he laughs and says that's awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not flame, but I once read that young women who have children out of wdlock actually have HIGHER than average lifetime earnings. It seems that the child kicks them into maturity that they would never have expected. They leave their pers behind and grow up, start working, take jobs seriously, perform well and so on.

I would like to see a reference for this one. I seriously doubt that this is true.

I'd be curious to see where you read that since all the research indicates poverty rates are higher for kids born out of wedlock - in fact, it's even something conservatives and liberals agree on. Try googling 'poverty and out of wedlock' and see what comes up.

NP here. It actually makes sense.
In a marriage, usually the woman either stays at home (no earnings) or takes a lesser-earning potential job because they are usually the ones that take off for sick kids, etc.
If you are a single mom, you don't have the luxury of a husband bringing in a paycheck, so you have to earn money, and you want/need promotions.

So yes, it makes sense that an unwed mom would have higher average earnings than one who either stays at home or takes a mediocre job.

[Anonymous]

21 years ago, I had an abortion. I was 19 and in college. My boyfriend was an enlisted guy who was being deployed to the first Gulf War. No money but a nice guy. I found out after he left. I used the Sponge, which was a mistake. My parents would have disowned me. I don't regret it at all but remember it was such a lonely experience because I told nobody. I do often wonder what would have happened if I had kept the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I've had an unintended pregnancy, though we're married. We already had one child and I had just decided I didn't want another one. I was depressed and devastated- even a year later, my reaction (I found out at work) is legendary amongst my friends. I love that kid though! Wouldn't trade him for the world.

I am intrigued - your reaction is legendary? Sounds like a good story. Wish you could share!

Well, what I did was completely unprofessional, so keep that in mind. After I took the test in the office bathroom, I took 2 more, then called my husband and then had my sister make an OB appt for me. I then walked into my supervisor's office, threw down the still warm test stick on his desk (yes, I know- gross), and promptly burst into full-on sobs. Fortunately we're good friends and he was highly amused by it all. I kept on insisting I couldn't be pregnant so he called his wife and told her that it'd been 52 days since my last period and that there was a definite pregnant sign on the stick, and she said yep, I was pregnant and congrats. He was actually a little envious and wished that had happened to him. He still reenacts the drama today and each time I apologize for the unprofessionalism, he laughs and says that's awesome.

LOL, thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are some great stories of women who have overcome great odds.

One of my favorite stories of someone who got pregnant at a young age, but nonetheless went on to great professional success-- Cathy Lanier, the Chief of the DC Police Department, a lovely tall blonde who was one of the youngest chiefs of a major city police department. She grew up in PG County, got pregnant at 15, and dropped out of school. She went on to finish school PT, and rise through the ranks to take her current position as DC Police Chief at age 37 a few years ago.

What's blonde got to do, got do do with it?