Overwhelmed by ADHD diagnosis

[Anonymous]

I tried to implement all suggestions at once and ended up with major anxiety and likely some depression. Saw my doc in tears weekly.

So...take care of yourself and as suggested above, take it one day and one step at a time. Your child needs a healthy mom!

And, don't let anyone withhold recess to "help straighten up that kid of yours." What a bunch of b---.

For us, meds help-- DS can get through the day without a thousand redirections--but are not a magic bullet.
We are in Bethesda too and have been happy with Dr. Brain, if meds are being considered at some point.

Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you will NEVER be berated here! unless of course, you're the "be-rater".

My 8 yr old DS has ADHD, along with a learning disability - auditory processing. We fought medication for about a year and it was a bad decision. My son could not learn without it.

All I can say is take it one day at a time. You will get past the shock and sadness, you'll find the right doctor, medication, books, support groups, teachers etc. It does fall into place, I promise. And once it does, you'll look back and wonder why you were so worried and upset.

One bit of advice - do not share with your decision on whether or not to medicate with family and friends who are unsympathetic. Many bozos out there still believe that ADHD is a behavioral problem that is solved with discipline, time out, withholding recess. their comments will hurt your feelings, so just keep it to yourself and share with us.

This is so true. My brother and I haven't spoken in months because of his reaction to our decision to medicate our daughter. (It was a good decision, BTW.)

[Anonymous]

I always worry when parents jump to medication before trying other methods, especially dietary changes and positive parenting. Medication should be the final choice when all other possibilities are exhausted. We were told to medicate our child, but we refused and tried other strategies. DC is now an honors student in high school, no behavior problems. When I mention this to the docs who recommended medication, they shake their heads and say, "Oh, well, some kids just grow out of it." HA! If you call years of dietary changes, supplements, various therapies, parenting classes, OT, PT, etc. etc., "growing out of it," well you are completely ignorant.

OP, I understand how overwhelming it is to have a child with a disability, but I disagree that it is "forever." I am here to tell you that my child lost the diagnosis after years of the treatment I just described. It takes years, and I don't work, so I've had the time to devote to this one child (and I have others), but I could not in good conscience medicate my child until I had exhausted every other treatment possibility. When I read research about how these drugs have long-term effects on children's brains, I'm glad I made the choice I did.

I felt overwhelmed and ready to throw in the towel many, many times over the years, but I'm glad I held on. I'm still working with my child, but it's much, much easier now. You can't do everything at once, so take one thing at a time, and do what you can. Medication can give you quick results (and yes, in some cases, miraculous results), but I don't think it's the only answer, and I do worry that physicians push drugs because that's the only thing they have to offer as opposed to therapies, diet, supplements and other nontraditional approaches, including exercise. Swimming, for example, was a huge, huge boost to our child.

Take the time to educate yourself before doing anything. Don't rely on "experts" who don't know your child as you do. I was told my child's diagnosis was "permanent" and would never go away. HA! They were wrong.

[Anonymous]

Not the OP here, but we're in the same boat. So at least you don't have to feel alone! We're visiting the doctor to start on medication today, which is scary but we feel strongly that it is necessary. We're also taking the CHADD parent-to-parent class which is providing us with some really useful information. OP have you looked at CHADD? You have to pay to become a member, but I've already found a lot of great members-only materials alone on their website, outside of the P2P class.

As a side note, my son's K teacher has been withholding recess from him as a "punishment" for the better part of the year. Ridiculous, isn't it? Thankfully someone put a stop to that. I don't know if it was a direct result of my intervention or the school psychologist's, but at least that's done. He was also getting sent to the Time Out chair for getting distracted on his way from the classroom door to the carpet after lunch time. Seeing as there are only 3 days left in school this year, we're happily focusing our efforts now on placement and strategies for NEXT year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always worry when parents jump to medication before trying other methods, especially dietary changes and positive parenting. Medication should be the final choice when all other possibilities are exhausted. We were told to medicate our child, but we refused and tried other strategies. DC is now an honors student in high school, no behavior problems. When I mention this to the docs who recommended medication, they shake their heads and say, "Oh, well, some kids just grow out of it." HA! If you call years of dietary changes, supplements, various therapies, parenting classes, OT, PT, etc. etc., "growing out of it," well you are completely ignorant.

OP, I understand how overwhelming it is to have a child with a disability, but I disagree that it is "forever." I am here to tell you that my child lost the diagnosis after years of the treatment I just described. It takes years, and I don't work, so I've had the time to devote to this one child (and I have others), but I could not in good conscience medicate my child until I had exhausted every other treatment possibility. When I read research about how these drugs have long-term effects on children's brains, I'm glad I made the choice I did.

I felt overwhelmed and ready to throw in the towel many, many times over the years, but I'm glad I held on. I'm still working with my child, but it's much, much easier now. You can't do everything at once, so take one thing at a time, and do what you can. Medication can give you quick results (and yes, in some cases, miraculous results), but I don't think it's the only answer, and I do worry that physicians push drugs because that's the only thing they have to offer as opposed to therapies, diet, supplements and other nontraditional approaches, including exercise. Swimming, for example, was a huge, huge boost to our child.

Take the time to educate yourself before doing anything. Don't rely on "experts" who don't know your child as you do. I was told my child's diagnosis was "permanent" and would never go away. HA! They were wrong.

I would have some strong words of caution with regard to this post, OP. There's an underlying implication that parents who choose meds are lazy or not willing/able to do the non-med route. I think you will find this is not the case (read Judith Warner's book for a better and deeper explanation of this). Most of us who choose medications also do therapy, behavior modification, and other things. Also, ADHD is a disorder of brain chemistry -- I would doubt that you can cure it. I think kids who "outgrow" it or improve as described above probably had something else going on instead. (The reference to things like physical therapy is a clue.)

With that said I will agree with this poster that exercise can have some great effects. My child has done particularly well with swimming and horseback riding.

I would also like to point out the sometimes nonlogical thinking of people who reject meds out of hand. You have to balance out the effects. If a child's ADHD is severe enough to disrupt the ability to learn in school and carry on relationships, etc., you have to consider the implications of that. People with unmanaged ADHD can also suffer from anxiety and depression, can self-medicate through alcohol and drugs, and more. Having seen these already beginning in my then-8-year old (the anxiety and esteem issues), and seeing its long-term effects in my husband, meds were a compelling option and I'm glad we pursued them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always worry when parents jump to medication before trying other methods, especially dietary changes and positive parenting. Medication should be the final choice when all other possibilities are exhausted. We were told to medicate our child, but we refused and tried other strategies. DC is now an honors student in high school, no behavior problems. When I mention this to the docs who recommended medication, they shake their heads and say, "Oh, well, some kids just grow out of it." HA! If you call years of dietary changes, supplements, various therapies, parenting classes, OT, PT, etc. etc., "growing out of it," well you are completely ignorant.

OP, I understand how overwhelming it is to have a child with a disability, but I disagree that it is "forever." I am here to tell you that my child lost the diagnosis after years of the treatment I just described. It takes years, and I don't work, so I've had the time to devote to this one child (and I have others), but I could not in good conscience medicate my child until I had exhausted every other treatment possibility. When I read research about how these drugs have long-term effects on children's brains, I'm glad I made the choice I did.

I felt overwhelmed and ready to throw in the towel many, many times over the years, but I'm glad I held on. I'm still working with my child, but it's much, much easier now. You can't do everything at once, so take one thing at a time, and do what you can. Medication can give you quick results (and yes, in some cases, miraculous results), but I don't think it's the only answer, and I do worry that physicians push drugs because that's the only thing they have to offer as opposed to therapies, diet, supplements and other nontraditional approaches, including exercise. Swimming, for example, was a huge, huge boost to our child.

Take the time to educate yourself before doing anything. Don't rely on "experts" who don't know your child as you do. I was told my child's diagnosis was "permanent" and would never go away. HA! They were wrong.

I'm so glad to hear this because we are taking a similar approach with DS who is 11. He was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD and other than not being able to pay attention at school, had few behavior problems. The push to put DS on medication has been overwhelming. It has been very hard to stick with our decision to not medicate but I'm glad that we have. In our case, DS's inattention has been a symptom but ADHD is not necessarily the cause. We have found that DS has several learning disabilities that, as we work on correcting, have lessened the inattentive symptoms to the point where they are basically gone. And then, there are other common sense things such as making sure DS has enough sleep, supplements, exercise etc. We are constantly vigilant of these things because if DS is not feeling 100% physically healthy, his brain doesn't function as well either.

I found the book, "The Mislabeled Child" to be very helpful. I also read as much as I could on the topic of ADHD, keeping in mind that doctors like Russell Barkeley - a huge proponent of medication and a prolific writer on the subject - also take large amounts of $ from pharmaceuticals. There is much bias in this field.

That said, I would never criticize someone for taking the medication route just as I wish that others didn't criticize us for not starting meds - and it is amazing how much criticism we have received. It's as if the fact that we took a different route from someone else somehow places a judgment on their decision. I realize this is a very difficult decision and every child and family situation is different. I'm just glad that in OUR CASE we were able to find some answers. If we had started meds a few years ago when we first started to get the push from his teachers and Dr., I wonder if we ever would have found out what the real problem was. (Dealing with learning disabilities has been no piece of cake either but it is possible).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always worry when parents jump to medication before trying other methods, especially dietary changes and positive parenting. Medication should be the final choice when all other possibilities are exhausted. We were told to medicate our child, but we refused and tried other strategies. DC is now an honors student in high school, no behavior problems. When I mention this to the docs who recommended medication, they shake their heads and say, "Oh, well, some kids just grow out of it." HA! If you call years of dietary changes, supplements, various therapies, parenting classes, OT, PT, etc. etc., "growing out of it," well you are completely ignorant.

OP, I understand how overwhelming it is to have a child with a disability, but I disagree that it is "forever." I am here to tell you that my child lost the diagnosis after years of the treatment I just described. It takes years, and I don't work, so I've had the time to devote to this one child (and I have others), but I could not in good conscience medicate my child until I had exhausted every other treatment possibility. When I read research about how these drugs have long-term effects on children's brains, I'm glad I made the choice I did.

I felt overwhelmed and ready to throw in the towel many, many times over the years, but I'm glad I held on. I'm still working with my child, but it's much, much easier now. You can't do everything at once, so take one thing at a time, and do what you can. Medication can give you quick results (and yes, in some cases, miraculous results), but I don't think it's the only answer, and I do worry that physicians push drugs because that's the only thing they have to offer as opposed to therapies, diet, supplements and other nontraditional approaches, including exercise. Swimming, for example, was a huge, huge boost to our child.

Take the time to educate yourself before doing anything. Don't rely on "experts" who don't know your child as you do. I was told my child's diagnosis was "permanent" and would never go away. HA! They were wrong.

I would have some strong words of caution with regard to this post, OP. There's an underlying implication that parents who choose meds are lazy or not willing/able to do the non-med route. I think you will find this is not the case (read Judith Warner's book for a better and deeper explanation of this). Most of us who choose medications also do therapy, behavior modification, and other things. Also, ADHD is a disorder of brain chemistry -- I would doubt that you can cure it. I think kids who "outgrow" it or improve as described above probably had something else going on instead. (The reference to things like physical therapy is a clue.)

With that said I will agree with this poster that exercise can have some great effects. My child has done particularly well with swimming and horseback riding.

I would also like to point out the sometimes nonlogical thinking of people who reject meds out of hand. You have to balance out the effects. If a child's ADHD is severe enough to disrupt the ability to learn in school and carry on relationships, etc., you have to consider the implications of that. People with unmanaged ADHD can also suffer from anxiety and depression, can self-medicate through alcohol and drugs, and more. Having seen these already beginning in my then-8-year old (the anxiety and esteem issues), and seeing its long-term effects in my husband, meds were a compelling option and I'm glad we pursued them.

Thank you for the response to the poster who said to try various other things first and had great results with supplements etc. DS, 8, had years of difficulty accessing school because of ADHD, starting in preschool. We actually went first to medication and, while it is not perfect, it has enabled him to do much better this year in school. ADHD is rarely a stand-alone DX and DS also has anxiety and possible other issues like auditory processing. Most people don't just give kids meds - they work on behavior, do counseling etc. We've done all of that.

The meds have been around for a long time and have been studied - their effects (positive and negative) are well-known. We didn't have issues with medication, just as we would not for treating any other condition. Meds take a lot of trial and error in many cases, but so do all the alternative methods, whose impacts are much less certain despite the success stories that people post about. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

21:45 here. We did not jump to medicate.
Have spent a good deal of time, heartache, resources and$$$ in the process of helping DS. One would not deny a child heart medication if it helped him get through the day with a better quality of life, if your other efforts produced minimum results. Despite therapy and diet, our child was suffering.

All of our children are different--you will need to find what works for your child and family.

Meds or not, there are success stories on both sides of the coin. Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

OP here--thanks again to all. Quick question: does anyone have a recommendation for a child psychiatrist experienced with ADHD, for medication? We're in Bethesda, so Bethesda/CC/Upper NW would be great if possible. A close friend happened to have had a horrible experience with Dr. Brain (whom a PP recommended above), so someone else would be great if possible. Also, we've called a couple people who weren't taking new patients, so we'd prefer a rec for someone who isn't going to have a waiting list a mile long (such as Chuck Conlon, for example). Thanks a lot in advance!

[Anonymous]

We see a pediatric neurologist, Sylvia Edelstein, and she's very knowledgeable and reasonable in her approach. We do this because DC has a history of seizures, but I believe she treats many kids who have ADHD as a stand-alone diagnosis. She is in Bethesda, just off Seven Locks and McArthur.

[Anonymous]

I highly recommend We've Got Issues by Judith Warner. Really an excellent book with a refreshing perspective on meds for children. Warner started out to write a book on the rampant overmedication of kids in the US and ended up writing a book about just the opposite.