My husband says I am selfish and lack values...

[Anonymous]

I don';t think changing your name is a huge issue- he's just using that against you to defend other financial things he's sticking to.. you both married each other- as you are- as you came.. some people come with debt- some don't- whatever- the way your finances are so separate is an indication that you're not a truly merged marriage.. it should be both of yours future - not his future or your own future.. I am not saying you can't have your own account or whatever- but this seems to be a bigger obstacle to marriage/future decision.. you should seriously consider talking to a counselor to work this out.. who knows what baggage he may have.. but at least you'd understand why he's acting this way..

[Anonymous]

I think you both have issues. I think the whole name changing thing is important to a lot of guys esp. if they are traditional and seems like you are sort of dismissing this. But..if you truly discussed this before marriage and he was okay with it--I would ask him in all seriousness, what was the change about--hopefully he wasn't lying at the time of promise. FYI I was lax about this until my hubby said it really hurt him that I hadn't changed my name and then I just changed it since I understood why this was important to him. On the money--my hubby had a ton of money when we got married--seriously if anyone could have asked for a prenup, it was him but he didn't because his traditional values went into the area of marriage and he believed that you gotta go in with the committment that you are in this together--helps that he said I was a good bet since like his family, my parents have had a long happy marriage, we are both Catholic and same goals for future etc. I think marriage is a leap of faith and some people are ready for the leap and some people have one foot out the door and are almost like roomates who have sex. I think whatever expenses you incur as a couple, should be handled as a couple--new car? Braces--these are normal expenses--he sounds like the guy in "Joy Luck Club--who gets dumped. I definitely think a therapist can help you guys come to some sort of understanding that works and if it doesn't--move on and find someone who is a little more nurturing..maybe then you might be more okay with the name change.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for counseling ASAP. These are core issues to a marriage, and it's sad to think that you and your husband are not on the same page. If your husband will not go with you to help learn how to communicate more effectively and build a stronger marriage, at least make the time and effort to go yourself. Good luck to you!!

[Anonymous]

do you have kids? It doesn't sound like you do...

[Anonymous]

Told my hubby this story today and he said it was good that OP kept her original name because it will be less hassle when they get divorced because any guy/partner who is as petty as your partner is not someone who you want to have a name with.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the marriage counseling suggestions. These are issues that most couples discuss and settle before getting married. You two need to learn how to communcate with one another and to understand what marriage means to both of you. Looks like you both went in with different pre-conceived notions. Married couples do not have to agree on every subject, but they need to learn to respect each others ideas and feelings.