Fitting the baby into your life, not the other way around

[Anonymous]

I think it is both tempermant and the parents ability to deal with a young child. For instance, if you freak out because your baby cries in public than its not likely you are going to be comfortable being out and about all the time.

[Anonymous]

3yo DC and I went out to lunch today, sat across from each other and had a very pleasant meal. No coloring, noipod, no meltdowns. We do this all the time. We got lucky in that he is pretty relaxed, but eating out is something I really enjoy and I've taken him to restaurants since he was a baby so he is used to it and understands how he is supposed to behave. My life has certainly changed a lot, but I don't think that having a kid requires you to completely give up on the things you enjoy. I think a lot of kids are more adaptable than their parents give them credit for.

[Anonymous]

PP- Have you had #2 yet b/c now that you've remarked about how easy your child is, you know #2 will be hellish, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are learning the hard way that although we thought we would fit our baby into our lives, she has other ideas! Before DD was born (a mere 15 weeks ago), I vowed not to be one of the moms who "disappeared" when they had a baby. My closest friend had a daughter 6 months before I was due, and she brought her everywhere, kept her up to all hours, let her nap in the carseat, etc. I thought we would be the same. Once DD was out of the newborn stage, however...no way. We would be over at a friend's house for dinner, out to a restaurant, or out and about during the day, and she would start having meltdowns. It finally dawned on me that she was tired, out of sorts, and she did much better with a routine in place. So, despite my best intentions, I have set and keep a strict routine. And you know what...it's not that bad at all So I can't enjoy the social whirl as much as I used to...a well-rested, happy baby who gets 3 naps a day and is asleep by 7 is more valuable to me than carting her to someone's house. It's what works for us, and it truly all depends on the baby!!

That being said, parents who insist on not changing their lives (for no reason other than principle) when they have a baby are ridiculous. That same friend's baby started getting fussy every time they would come over for dinner, and not a week goes by now that she doesn't call to complain about how her daughter won't nap, had a meltdown while they were out, or wouldn't sit still at a restaurant they were at. I never want to say anything critical or judgemental when I'm not on an anonymous forum (), but it does seem to me that parents who (selfishly, IMO) deny what is best for their kids because their lives would be cramped don't really understand what it is to be parents. Before I get flamed for that strongly worded sentence, please note that I am NOT talking about parents with easily portable kids who don't need a schedule (some pp's have described their kids as such), but parents with kids like mine, who need routine to be happy, and are not getting it.

I agree 100% - I have a friend who says her son doesn't need much sleep, will nap anywhere, and she can just transfer the baby to the crib whenever they get home in the evening. I hung out with them recently and her kid was clearly really, really tired - fell asleep three times in ninety minutes and they kept waking him up to get him out of the stroller, or to eat dinner. And after three hours of being clearly super sleepy the baby just started bawling and they couldn't figure out what was wrong! If your baby really does sleep well while out and about, that's great - but just because it works for you doesn't mean it works for the baby. Yeah, sometimes baby's naps get pushed to the wayside for really important things (doctor's appointments and the like) but really, do you have to wake your kid up from a nap to go to target RIGHT NOW?

[Anonymous]

Some people are just damned lucky. I see these people out and about with their kids...and the kids just hang out and are able to handle it. I've often wondered how these people did it....life just seems to be so easy for them and their children. Oh well. It didn't happen in this house. So, I think you have more company that not in this situation.

[Anonymous]

The way I see it, anyone who says you're a control freak for needing to leave somewhere early or passing on an invite to accommodate your kid's naptime or bedtime is welcome to come to your house to take care of said kid when they are in the throes of a psychotic meltdown from being overtired or not getting enough sleep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are learning the hard way that although we thought we would fit our baby into our lives, she has other ideas! Before DD was born (a mere 15 weeks ago), I vowed not to be one of the moms who "disappeared" when they had a baby. My closest friend had a daughter 6 months before I was due, and she brought her everywhere, kept her up to all hours, let her nap in the carseat, etc. I thought we would be the same. Once DD was out of the newborn stage, however...no way. We would be over at a friend's house for dinner, out to a restaurant, or out and about during the day, and she would start having meltdowns. It finally dawned on me that she was tired, out of sorts, and she did much better with a routine in place. So, despite my best intentions, I have set and keep a strict routine. And you know what...it's not that bad at all So I can't enjoy the social whirl as much as I used to...a well-rested, happy baby who gets 3 naps a day and is asleep by 7 is more valuable to me than carting her to someone's house. It's what works for us, and it truly all depends on the baby!!

That being said, parents who insist on not changing their lives (for no reason other than principle) when they have a baby are ridiculous. That same friend's baby started getting fussy every time they would come over for dinner, and not a week goes by now that she doesn't call to complain about how her daughter won't nap, had a meltdown while they were out, or wouldn't sit still at a restaurant they were at. I never want to say anything critical or judgemental when I'm not on an anonymous forum (), but it does seem to me that parents who (selfishly, IMO) deny what is best for their kids because their lives would be cramped don't really understand what it is to be parents. Before I get flamed for that strongly worded sentence, please note that I am NOT talking about parents with easily portable kids who don't need a schedule (some pp's have described their kids as such), but parents with kids like mine, who need routine to be happy, and are not getting it.

Yeah, because with 15w of parenthood under your belt you are an expert on what makes a good parent or not right? Get a grip PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is both tempermant and the parents ability to deal with a young child. For instance, if you freak out because your baby cries in public than its not likely you are going to be comfortable being out and about all the time.

I agree with this. There are babies who are fussier than other babies if they are uncomfortable (and being over tired or overstimulated is a kind of discomfort for babies) and there are parents who can weather fussier babies than other parents.

We have friends who have a shrieker. I used to think they were a little sensitive about her naps, but then one time I experienced her very shrill, very deafening, very extreme outbursts. In contrast, my mellow little muffin is rather different when he's tired--he rubs his face a lot and gets fussier than usual about things like falling or wants to be carried instead of running around on his own.

However, differents parents are more panicked/unhinged/upset by shriekers than others. Witness the example of what happens when shriekers get younger siblings. All of a sudden the parents can tolerate enormous amounts of noise in the interests of being able to get another child somewhere.

There is no "right way" to parent. You just muddle along. There's a wide latitude of what is "good" parenting and as long as you are loving, involved, and able to teach our kids limits when the time comes, you are a good parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP- Have you had #2 yet b/c now that you've remarked about how easy your child is, you know #2 will be hellish, right?

PP here - totally agree with your prediction, one of the many reasons I am sticking with one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are learning the hard way that although we thought we would fit our baby into our lives, she has other ideas! Before DD was born (a mere 15 weeks ago), I vowed not to be one of the moms who "disappeared" when they had a baby. My closest friend had a daughter 6 months before I was due, and she brought her everywhere, kept her up to all hours, let her nap in the carseat, etc. I thought we would be the same. Once DD was out of the newborn stage, however...no way. We would be over at a friend's house for dinner, out to a restaurant, or out and about during the day, and she would start having meltdowns. It finally dawned on me that she was tired, out of sorts, and she did much better with a routine in place. So, despite my best intentions, I have set and keep a strict routine. And you know what...it's not that bad at all So I can't enjoy the social whirl as much as I used to...a well-rested, happy baby who gets 3 naps a day and is asleep by 7 is more valuable to me than carting her to someone's house. It's what works for us, and it truly all depends on the baby!!

That being said, parents who insist on not changing their lives (for no reason other than principle) when they have a baby are ridiculous. That same friend's baby started getting fussy every time they would come over for dinner, and not a week goes by now that she doesn't call to complain about how her daughter won't nap, had a meltdown while they were out, or wouldn't sit still at a restaurant they were at. I never want to say anything critical or judgemental when I'm not on an anonymous forum (), but it does seem to me that parents who (selfishly, IMO) deny what is best for their kids because their lives would be cramped don't really understand what it is to be parents. Before I get flamed for that strongly worded sentence, please note that I am NOT talking about parents with easily portable kids who don't need a schedule (some pp's have described their kids as such), but parents with kids like mine, who need routine to be happy, and are not getting it.

Yeah, because with 15w of parenthood under your belt you are an expert on what makes a good parent or not right? Get a grip PP!

You're a dolt PP. A person with a 3 or a 6 year old, or a 15 year old isn;t an expert either. But we can all have opinions on what makes decent parents--right or wrong. We have almost all had parents, so we have some insight. I am a mom of a 4 year old, and while things have changed in terms of specifics, my overall philosophy to parenting hasn't changed since the kid was a baby. Try to contribute something meaningful next time you run your flapper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are learning the hard way that although we thought we would fit our baby into our lives, she has other ideas! Before DD was born (a mere 15 weeks ago), I vowed not to be one of the moms who "disappeared" when they had a baby. My closest friend had a daughter 6 months before I was due, and she brought her everywhere, kept her up to all hours, let her nap in the carseat, etc. I thought we would be the same. Once DD was out of the newborn stage, however...no way. We would be over at a friend's house for dinner, out to a restaurant, or out and about during the day, and she would start having meltdowns. It finally dawned on me that she was tired, out of sorts, and she did much better with a routine in place. So, despite my best intentions, I have set and keep a strict routine. And you know what...it's not that bad at all So I can't enjoy the social whirl as much as I used to...a well-rested, happy baby who gets 3 naps a day and is asleep by 7 is more valuable to me than carting her to someone's house. It's what works for us, and it truly all depends on the baby!!

That being said, parents who insist on not changing their lives (for no reason other than principle) when they have a baby are ridiculous. That same friend's baby started getting fussy every time they would come over for dinner, and not a week goes by now that she doesn't call to complain about how her daughter won't nap, had a meltdown while they were out, or wouldn't sit still at a restaurant they were at. I never want to say anything critical or judgemental when I'm not on an anonymous forum (), but it does seem to me that parents who (selfishly, IMO) deny what is best for their kids because their lives would be cramped don't really understand what it is to be parents. Before I get flamed for that strongly worded sentence, please note that I am NOT talking about parents with easily portable kids who don't need a schedule (some pp's have described their kids as such), but parents with kids like mine, who need routine to be happy, and are not getting it.

Yeah, because with 15w of parenthood under your belt you are an expert on what makes a good parent or not right? Get a grip PP!

You're a dolt PP. A person with a 3 or a 6 year old, or a 15 year old isn;t an expert either. But we can all have opinions on what makes decent parents--right or wrong. We have almost all had parents, so we have some insight. I am a mom of a 4 year old, and while things have changed in terms of specifics, my overall philosophy to parenting hasn't changed since the kid was a baby. Try to contribute something meaningful next time you run your flapper.

Huh, sorry but no. At 15w into parenthood no one can really understand "what is to be parents."

[Anonymous]

first one = a breeze

second one = monsoon

depends on the kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are learning the hard way that although we thought we would fit our baby into our lives, she has other ideas! Before DD was born (a mere 15 weeks ago), I vowed not to be one of the moms who "disappeared" when they had a baby. My closest friend had a daughter 6 months before I was due, and she brought her everywhere, kept her up to all hours, let her nap in the carseat, etc. I thought we would be the same. Once DD was out of the newborn stage, however...no way. We would be over at a friend's house for dinner, out to a restaurant, or out and about during the day, and she would start having meltdowns. It finally dawned on me that she was tired, out of sorts, and she did much better with a routine in place. So, despite my best intentions, I have set and keep a strict routine. And you know what...it's not that bad at all So I can't enjoy the social whirl as much as I used to...a well-rested, happy baby who gets 3 naps a day and is asleep by 7 is more valuable to me than carting her to someone's house. It's what works for us, and it truly all depends on the baby!!

That being said, parents who insist on not changing their lives (for no reason other than principle) when they have a baby are ridiculous. That same friend's baby started getting fussy every time they would come over for dinner, and not a week goes by now that she doesn't call to complain about how her daughter won't nap, had a meltdown while they were out, or wouldn't sit still at a restaurant they were at. I never want to say anything critical or judgemental when I'm not on an anonymous forum (), but it does seem to me that parents who (selfishly, IMO) deny what is best for their kids because their lives would be cramped don't really understand what it is to be parents. Before I get flamed for that strongly worded sentence, please note that I am NOT talking about parents with easily portable kids who don't need a schedule (some pp's have described their kids as such), but parents with kids like mine, who need routine to be happy, and are not getting it.

Yeah, because with 15w of parenthood under your belt you are an expert on what makes a good parent or not right? Get a grip PP!

You're a dolt PP. A person with a 3 or a 6 year old, or a 15 year old isn;t an expert either. But we can all have opinions on what makes decent parents--right or wrong. We have almost all had parents, so we have some insight. I am a mom of a 4 year old, and while things have changed in terms of specifics, my overall philosophy to parenting hasn't changed since the kid was a baby. Try to contribute something meaningful next time you run your flapper.

Huh, sorry but no. At 15w into parenthood no one can really understand "what is to be parents."

So when is that time? Is there a certain amount of time you need to log on your timetable? Of course they know what it is to be parents you moron!

[Anonymous]

My baby wouldn't nap in a crib for the first year of his life -- only while being carried or in the stroller. I'm sure you could have seen and judged me as I went on hour-long strolls a few times a day with a napping baby in stroller, but it is the only way he would sleep.

Never assume you understand other parents because your kid does things a certain way! My child kept this up at daycare as well. The very good daycare workers never did get him to nap in a crib, he only started napping when he moved to the toddler room, on a cot.

[Anonymous]

So far with our second it hasn't depended on the kid at all. It's a balance. We respect nap & bedtimes to a degree. If I know we have a neighborhood party to go to Saturday night, I make sure they have more downtime in the afternoon.

So yes, our kids have/do fit into our lifestyle. We are very social and we didn't stop being so. Yes we continued to do museums, parties, restaurants. But we also like to slow things down with kids and just don't do it as often in respect of their needs.