Weird Situation with stepdaughter's mom

[Anonymous]

Stepmom and mom here. My DH pays $780/month for a 15 year old that has no daycare expenses. The child support laws are based on both parents incomes, and typically any child care expenses are split 50/50, as well as medical and dental. $600/month doesn't even cover half the cost of daycare. If you went to court (which would cost several thousands of dollars), she would most likely get a minimum of $1200/month.
Seriously, you don't want your DH to pay for half of daycare? Half??? You do realize the woman works and someone has to take care of the child while she works, right?
Oh, FWIW, full time licensed daycare around here runs $14k/yr, so a $20k school really isn't over the top. I'm guessing you do not have children.

[Anonymous]

OP is really taking a hit here. While I agree that $600.00/month is not a lot, I would have an issue with not having any legal paperwork laying out what they agree upon. That protects everyone involved. I would especially want this if I was the bio-mom. I believe in getting everything in writing. I say this as a stepmom whose husband had custody and he was NOT paid child support. Folks are jumping on OP about the grandparent thing -- she could just be mean or she could be right. I mean come on -- even in intact bio-families we've all seen users -- the mom may be a user! But the dad needs to step up and voice his concern -not her. If that is the case and he stands idly by -- then stepmom's biggest problem is she married a punk.

[Anonymous]

I am not one to judge but how is this your business? What they do with their family is their business. Now if he is taking your income to support her there is a problem. Otherwise you do sound kinda jealous.

[Anonymous]

I find it strange that the mom has a lexus on a $50k salary. Thats not alot to have a child and afford a car like that (even with a lease) so maybe OP is concerned the money is not being spent on for the child.

[Anonymous]

I'm a stepmom and I want to be sympathetic to the OP, but your complaint kind of goes in two directions. If the complaint is about the Lexus, well, unless you think the mom is someone neglecting the girl to spend money on luxaries or you are having trouble affording the $600/month, I don't see how its your business. And, even if those things are true, you will not come off well complaining to your husband about them. Its his kid, and if he has issues about how mom is treating her (not spending/wasting the money, but actually treating the child) then he needs to step up and take care of that.

And, then you also complain about the mom spending /too/ much money on the kid (private school). I'd totally back away from that one. If she can make private preschool work, great for her. If your inlaws are paying for it, good for them. It's really hard to peg someone as a user if they are using to get school tuition. I mean, if the inlaws are giving her money, and that money is going to tuition, it comes off really badly to complain about the car.

One of the toughest parts about being a stepmom is the real lack of control. But, you have to get over this if you're ever going to be happy in this situation. In many situations in life, providing money means you have a say. But not in this one. The girl deserves her father's support. And, you don't really get a say in how that money is spent. Like I said, if its an issue of the girl not being treated well, her dad needs to address that. But, if its just one of those cases of different priorities in using money, you have to just do the right thing on your end (provide support) and let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it strange that the mom has a lexus on a $50k salary. Thats not alot to have a child and afford a car like that (even with a lease) so maybe OP is concerned the money is not being spent on for the child.

This is still not OPs business. If mom gets the money and the kid is being taken care of..keep it movin'

[Anonymous]

Dog pile on the rabbit. Dog pile on the rabbit!

[Anonymous]

OP,

How is this your business? It's not! Leave things be.

How do you know she didn't get financial aid to the school? Maybe she makes more than she's claiming. Maybe she inherited money from an aunt or some such. You two don't even know if his parents are giving her money.

You sound like a troublemaker!

[Anonymous]

OP here, I understand why everyone think that my post sounds bitchy, but there is more to the story. The little girl's mom and my husband were never together, it was a fling, she got pregnant right before I started dating my husband. She doesn't have a family, so she sees my husbands family as hers. My husband wants to pay what he is supposed to and not deal with her at all. We (DH and I) feel like she is taking advantage of his family. She drops off the little girl at my MIL's house every Friday and picks her up on Sundays, she doesn't really spend a lot of time with her.

regarding the school, does a three year old really need a 20K a year education? I mean, my In-laws are not rich, we are not rich, she definitely is not rich.

you are right though, it is not my business.....but she is using them.

[Anonymous]

20k really isn't that much for preschool. The going rate for daycare is $300-$400 a week.

If it was just a fling, then how is she so close to DHs family? Sounds like more than a fling to me. Sounds like they dated, she got pregnant, he dumped her and then started dating you. And it sounds like he wants nothing to do with the woman, so he thinks giving her $600/month will keep her out of his life. He doesn't sound very mature or responsible, and jealous that his parents are paying any attention to a child he never wanted and never intended to have a relationship with.

I feel sorry for the child.

[Anonymous]

10:30 is right. All the adults in this situation, except the grandparents, seem really immature.

[Anonymous]

OP - Does your husband ever both to see the little girl? Or are you happier that he doesn't? It seems that you feel $600 is plenty of money for him to write her off. Nice. She is actually someones child.

Watch out. You may be the next Mrs. X and the next woman may bemoan you that measly $600 and wish your child would disappear.

Go ahead and go to court. The PPs are right, your DH will end up paying way more.

I think its very kind of the mom NOT to take this to court as she could get plenty more money.

Also consider that your DH has an agreement with his parents - he pays the $600, they cover everything else. Maybe he just didn't bother to tell you....

[Anonymous]

OP, the more you post the more bitchy you sound. It doesn't matter that this woman was never a serious relationship. Your DH had a child with her. Nothing else really matters. I think deep down you just want her to go away and not complicate your life financially, emotionally or any other way. You sound insecure and jealous. Poor child!

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP who said the more OP posts, the worse she sounds. Does your husband even see his child? You both sound really immature.

About the Lexus- the mom isn't allowed to have nice things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband gives her about $600 per month and his parents give her money too, I am not sure how much. She makes about $50K and lives by herself with the little girl. She just bought a brand new Lexus and want to put the 3 year old in a 20K per year school. How on earth can she afford this? she is milking my husband's parents because she know that they are head over heels for the little girl. This makes me so mad!!! but what's worst is that my husband and her never been to court regarding child support or visitation rights, their deal is $600 per month and thats it. I want him to go to court and put everything in paper, but I dont want any conflicts wit him or his family. I feel like she is taking advantage of him and his family.

First, I hope the mom sees this and takes YOU to court to get her fair share. It sounds like she should be getting money from your DH. She should have gotten a better lawyer.

Second, you make me sick. I hope your DH never has a child with you - "This makes me so mad!!!" - ugh - this is his CHILD, and the fact that you resent his child for getting money and a good education? I assume you'd rather have the money and gifts?

I hear hell is nice this time of year.