Help me find a nice man for my friend

[Anonymous]

PP who met her husband on Its Just Lunch - it was fine - it was another opportunity for me to met someone - I continued using online avenues as well - one thing I liked was the higher price pooint, so I figured that the men took it more seriously than some of the ones I was meeting online. I don't think it's the golden ticket or anything, but it was decent. I was also excrutiatingly specific with my matchmaker about what I was looking for. . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny, but I have a single male colleague who is smart, funny, handsome and a thoroughly decent guy -- and while he's dated and been in relationships, he hasn't made it across the finish line yet.

Age? If you had to compare him to a celeb who would it be?

[Anonymous]

OP's friend may have to date some guys who are short and/or balding.

No dates in two years, I think she isn't all that interested in meeting a guy; she may say she is to appear more normal, but it seems she has her life and doesn't really want a man to inconvenience her. Of course she might also be a weirdo that you don't want to date (but can enjoy as a friend.)

[Anonymous]

Google It's Just Lunch and you'll see what a scam it is. I did it a few years back and hated. They'll lie to get you to pay them tons of money and then will ignore you. They don't care about your criteria and will set you up with anybody. Apparently, they lack men, so they have to just set you ip with whomever they can. I found that Match had a much better selection of men and it's much cheaper.

[Anonymous]

As a 39-year-old single mom (reasonably attractive, i think), it does get harder to meet guys who are worth dating more than a few dates. I haven't had many dates since I had my daughter because right now I don't have time to do online dating. But if she hasn't had any dates at all for 2 years and she's not a mom, she probably isn't giving online dating a chance. She also may have to lower her standards IF something is unreasonable. Like if her standards are "smart, decent conversationalist, decent sense of humor, not unattractive" she should not have to compromise that. (if she has those traits herself.) But if she's expecting a guy over 6'0" with a great head of hair, who is 35-45, never married, no kids, makes $150K+, she'll likely need to let those expectations go. I've dated guys shorter than me, balding guys, divorced guys, guys with kids, guys who make less than me... these things don't matter as much if the guy brings a good personality to the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is (almost) impossible- take it from someone who knows- but good luck- Hope she has better luck than me- As I always say "The best ones go last! =)" By the way, you are a very good friend.

I had a terrible experience with Just Lunch...

I was looking at age 34, and I ended up finding my husband online, who was 29 at the time. I almost typed in 30 as my lower age limit, and I'm so glad I changed it!

[Anonymous]

http://www.mcrrc.org/

She could try an athletic group/club of some kind. I used to run with the Montgomery County Roadrunners, and I recall that their website said that tons of couples meet this way.

[Anonymous]

It may help to ask her if she thinks there is any reason that she hasn't found someone. I did this with one of my best friends, and it turned out she has a lot of insight on how she can be unapproachable to men (despite her many great attributes). My friend needed a push to address some of her issues (which involved changing behavior and seeking therapy to address the fact that she grew up in a house with domestic violence). It helped my friend a lot that someone took interest and asked directly. She made big improvements quickly, and now she is married. (I originally brought this up with her 10 years ago.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a 39-year-old single mom (reasonably attractive, i think), it does get harder to meet guys who are worth dating more than a few dates. I haven't had many dates since I had my daughter because right now I don't have time to do online dating. But if she hasn't had any dates at all for 2 years and she's not a mom, she probably isn't giving online dating a chance. She also may have to lower her standards IF something is unreasonable. Like if her standards are "smart, decent conversationalist, decent sense of humor, not unattractive" she should not have to compromise that. (if she has those traits herself.) But if she's expecting a guy over 6'0" with a great head of hair, who is 35-45, never married, no kids, makes $150K+, she'll likely need to let those expectations go. I've dated guys shorter than me, balding guys, divorced guys, guys with kids, guys who make less than me... these things don't matter as much if the guy brings a good personality to the table.

Heck, I've done all that and I'm only 26.

[Anonymous]

You can't really say "I tried online dating and it didn't work out." Every time you try online dating, there are a new crop of men (yes, there's a few creepy guys who are always there, but generally, the pool changes). She needs to go back, spruce up her profile and change her picture, get someone else's opinion on her profile, make sure there is a lot of humor in it, and go out on coffee dates. Just coffee, meeting a lot of men. She will be marrried or in a committed relationship within a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't really say "I tried online dating and it didn't work out." Every time you try online dating, there are a new crop of men (yes, there's a few creepy guys who are always there, but generally, the pool changes). She needs to go back, spruce up her profile and change her picture, get someone else's opinion on her profile, make sure there is a lot of humor in it, and go out on coffee dates. Just coffee, meeting a lot of men. She will be marrried or in a committed relationship within a year.

I've always wondered why folks will give up so quickly on online dating. I mean, do folks give up on "the bar scene" or other offline venues where the success/fail rate is just as low so easily?

[Anonymous]

i admit, i haven't put much energy into online dating, but I've never really given up on the bar/party scene. Reason is that when I'm at the bar, I'm hanging with my friends, getting my social fix AND maybe meeting a guy. bonus. With online dating, you're JUST dating. It's not multi-purpose. People keep doing the bar/party scene - even if it isn't helping them meet guys - because it's not just about meeting guys. Plus there's something about meeting the guy in person first to gauge chemistry. I have found that i'm very rarely attracted to guys I've met online, even if their pic looked ok. I never seem to like them, but since I talked to them before meeting and the only thing that changed is that we've met, they assume I'm dissing them because of their looks. It can hurt people's feelings.

to the 26-year-old with the open mind about dating - good for you! i've always been open to all sorts of types, and my friends who are the same have had pretty good luck with men. it's good to be open about these things!