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My DD Godmother doesn't want to see us anymore....
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Anonymous
| OP are you absolutely sure it's due to the kid issue? Is there a possibility that it's something else all together that has caused the split? |
Anonymous
| Maybe both you and her saw her being your DD godmother as "practice" or worse a consolation of sorts for her not having her own child and maybe she has simply moved on and outgrown those ideas. Maybe she is the kind who would have loved her own kids but not so much someone else s and now can realize that. Your DD is the center of your world...she is not the center of your friend's and maybe your friend has begun to move on and no longer needs the kid centric lifestyle you provided her. |
Anonymous
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I think it is unrealistic to expect your kid to play such a major role in anyone else's world. People are routinely disappointed by the lack of interest shown by their children's grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.
The godparent role is special but people interpret the responsibilities differently. You should try to reconnect with your friend without involving your child. In about six months or so you can ask her to undertake a specific duty in her godmother role -- i.e. tell her that it would be special to DD and you if she could come to a birthday party or whatever. If she says no use it as an opening to discuss what the extent of her involvement as a godmother must be. Give her space to participate as much or as little as she wants to. |
Anonymous
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PP-
Great advice- Agreed. |
Anonymous
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OP here - I chose my friend because we have been friends for a long time. It was not a casual choice (I don't take things like godparents lightly and it wasn't "practice" for her). To my knowledge she is still regularly going to church, but as she is not talking to me (except by email) I don't know much about her spirituality. These are things that we used to be able to talk for hours about.
I worry that she feels I may not be able to understand her now as she moves forward. Before, lots of our conversations (for the past several years) have been about TTC. I can't imagine that there has been anything else as her world has been focused on TTC for such a long time - and maybe she is just trying to refocus her life. |
Anonymous
| OP you are a thoughtless idiot. Maybe that's why your friend doesn't want to put your daughters inflated expectations over her own wellbeing. You need to back off. |
Anonymous
I posted earlier and said you should give space, try to reconnect with her just as friends without your child, but since it has been a year maybe it is time to lay your cards on the table and ask her what's up? Ask her directly what is going on and if she wants out of the friendship. |
Anonymous
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I agree with PPs: just as with everything else, some people are more self-absorbed than others and unable to see past their own suffering to maintain relationships.
TTC and infertility are not worse experiences or losses than other things people deal with every day. It sounds like the OP has been compassionate and patient and if her friend is unable to both grieve and live at the same time, OP needs to move on and let the friendship go. I'd call her to the mat on her behavior first, but be prepared for her to just not be willing to be friends anymore. |
Anonymous
| OP, even the most sensitive folks can make thoughtless comments and perhaps that happened here. It really may be just too painful for her to be around your child, even after all this time. I have a good and long, long time friend who lives in another city - he and his wife were not able TC and opted to not adopt. Yes, I really wish they would come and visit, but it has not happened yet and may not for awhile. It is just too emotionally charged for the wife. Grief is very personal and doesn't necessarily follow someone else's schedule. |
Anonymous
You, and a lot of people here don't know what being a godparent really means. This role has been downplayed for a long long time and it's really sad to know this. |
Anonymous
| I don't think you understand what a godparent is. There is no binding contract and typically godparent means presence at baptism and attendance/small present on birthdays. It is not what you are trying to make it. |
Anonymous
Mabye this is true. Maybe your life is really that child focused that it would be hard for you to refrain from making comments or understaning her kid-free life. Think about it, maybe you have said things in the past that indicate that. \ |
Anonymous
This was my question too. I went through a friend break up recently. This friend was convinced that I didn't want to see her anymore bc of my husband... which is all in her head of course. I don't want to see her anymore bc she became super judgmental and catty as soon as she had a kid. I kindly and politely told her this and she just refused to believe it and just started bad mouthing me to our mutual friends pretending to be "concerned". I just stopped talking to her bc she just became way too annoying. OP, it is very possible that the fertility issues have nothing to do with this. Just leave her alone and let it be. |