Military Relationship

[Anonymous]

Does your boyfriend intend to stay in the Navy as a career?

My husband was in the process of becoming an AF officer when we got together, and he served his initial four year requirement and got out. It was too much for us: the moving, the uncertainty, my desire to have a career as well. We could meet many more of our needs outside the military as in. Talk to him about his service requirement and whether or not he's open to getting out at some point or if he is pretty sure he wants to stay in for the twenty years or so required to get retirement.

Life can be unpredictable and difficult in or out of the military, but military life puts up some extra predictability and lack of control from the get go. Consider your relationship with your child, your career goals, how much you value stability, how comfortable you feel being far away from your extended family, how easily you make friends, how comfortable you are with technology (for the inevitable deployment or training separation) as well as with being alone in a new place...it's a lot.

But, if he's worth it, he's worth it. It was worth it to me.

[Anonymous]

I cannot stress enough the difference between being enlisted and being an officer in the military (in terms of pay). And in most parts of the Navy, there is an extreme divide in terms of who you can and will associate with. Officer wives and enlisted wives don't socialize, period. It's like 1935 in that respect. Be aware of that.

Just go into it knowing what to expect. It's not all bad. The military is a tight knight community, and it's EASY to meet people--everyone is in the same boat. (no pun intended). Since your husband may not deploy much in his field, it may be much easier for him to do an extended homeport if you got a larger base and stay there. And you may not be looking at a 20 yr career. All of these things need to be discussed BEFORE you get married. Better yet, get engaged and don't marry him until you've had a taste of it.....

Good Luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, all of this talk about you and what your life would be like married to the military is nice, but what about your child? She doesn't get a vote here and yet this will impact her in ways that you cannot even imagine.

You say she's 4 years old. You say that you are 25; that means you had her when you were 21? I'm also guessing from your wording that you were never married to her father; my apologies if I'm wrong about that.

Just given that little bit of information, take it from those of us who know and recommend that you SLLLLLLOOOOOOWWWWW DDDDOOOWWWWNN. Alot. So he's deploying for some time; why don't you use that as an opportunity to decide if this is really the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

You are very young, and I'm sure that there is a part of this that all sounds very romantic. BF is probably gorgeous in his navy whites. But with a child to be responsible for, you don't have the luxury of leading with your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, all of this talk about you and what your life would be like married to the military is nice, but what about your child? She doesn't get a vote here and yet this will impact her in ways that you cannot even imagine.

You say she's 4 years old. You say that you are 25; that means you had her when you were 21? I'm also guessing from your wording that you were never married to her father; my apologies if I'm wrong about that.

Just given that little bit of information, take it from those of us who know and recommend that you SLLLLLLOOOOOOWWWWW DDDDOOOWWWWNN. Alot. So he's deploying for some time; why don't you use that as an opportunity to decide if this is really the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

You are very young, and I'm sure that there is a part of this that all sounds very romantic. BF is probably gorgeous in his navy whites. But with a child to be responsible for, you don't have the luxury of leading with your feelings.

Navy brat, here. FWIW, civilians are aware of the Whites from "An Officer and a Gentleman" but the really great uniform is the Dress Blues.

And I'm just going to say it again because I think it bears repeating: I don't know many military brats who didn't love their military brat childhood. The military cohesiveness makes it a little more "Mayberry" than what some of you are used to. It's a pretty good way to be a kid.

[Anonymous]

check out Blue Star families

http://www.bluestarfam.org/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, all of this talk about you and what your life would be like married to the military is nice, but what about your child? She doesn't get a vote here and yet this will impact her in ways that you cannot even imagine.

You say she's 4 years old. You say that you are 25; that means you had her when you were 21? I'm also guessing from your wording that you were never married to her father; my apologies if I'm wrong about that.

Just given that little bit of information, take it from those of us who know and recommend that you SLLLLLLOOOOOOWWWWW DDDDOOOWWWWNN. Alot. So he's deploying for some time; why don't you use that as an opportunity to decide if this is really the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

You are very young, and I'm sure that there is a part of this that all sounds very romantic. BF is probably gorgeous in his navy whites. But with a child to be responsible for, you don't have the luxury of leading with your feelings.

Navy brat, here. FWIW, civilians are aware of the Whites from "An Officer and a Gentleman" but the really great uniform is the Dress Blues.

And I'm just going to say it again because I think it bears repeating: I don't know many military brats who didn't love their military brat childhood. The military cohesiveness makes it a little more "Mayberry" than what some of you are used to. It's a pretty good way to be a kid.

Oooohh, I don't know about that. Lots of moving (every 2 - 3 yrs), no stability, Dad gone a lot. It's better if you have a big family, and if Dad retires when you're young (stability for JH and High.

Oh, and the Whites most people think of are for Officers....

[Aimee4]

Military life can be hard. But it can be incredibly rewarding. It is a lot easier to make friends and meet people, and everyone helps everyone else out. Moving a lot has its pluses. Deployments can be hard, but not insurmountable.
The hardest thing, I think, is keeping your daughter's relationship with her father. It all depends on where the Navy takes your potential hubby. It could be across the US or overseas, and your daughter rarely sees her dad. Dad becomes more like an extended relative that she talks to on the phone and gets cards and gifts from and sees twice a year. If he gets homeported in Va Beach, it wouldn't be that bad, at least DC is only 4 hours away.

[Anonymous]

Military life is not easy. My husband was in the army for almost the entire time we were dating and a large chunk of while we've been married. He's out now. Like I said, it's not easy, but it can be very rewarding.. The pay sucks, but insurance, leave benefits etc are good.. The commisary is ok... I found that I really didn't save enough to make it really worth it.. But if you want to have children, do it while you're covered under tricare.. you. pay. for. nothing..

That being said, we dated while he was in for two years (a LOT of that was long distance) before we got married. So I knew exactly what I was getting into when he proposed and I said yes. I think you would benefit greatly by letting him get his feet wet and trying the long distance thing for a while.. It is a great test to the strength of the relationship. My husband and I now figure that if we made it through all we had to get through to be together, that we could handle anything, and so far that's held true. Make sure your relationship is strong before marrying. And if you still decide to marry, you will find that making friends isn't hard. You can join a FRG, you will find other wives who live this life also.. It's a great support group.

Good luck.. Go with your heart, but not before you slow tihngs down a bit, and make sure that you do know exactly what you're getting into before you get into it.

As far as being young.. I was 20 when I got married. I am 26 now. When your heart is ready, your heart is ready. If he is the one for you, and you want to do this, don't let your age stop you..

I also do feel that I need to reiterate what others said, the money is really not great.. Money will be tight, and CDC (military childcare) is pricey and often there's a waiting list..), but it may be a good support system and way for your child to make friends who are living the same life he/she is.