Does anyone SAHM after age 4 or 5?

[Anonymous]

I have no intention of going back to work. I enjoyed it, was good at it and made a great salary. But I honestly believe it is critical if you can swing it to be there after school. In the mean time, I am really looking forward to the time to focus on other interests, perhaps take some classes, exercise, see friends, cook great meals, etc. Right now, it is 24/7 care (a 1 and a 4 year old) I never thought I would be a traditional housewife, but our finances are good and my husband (and the whole family) enjoys having a fun, relaxed, interesting mom who is able to take care of much of the home front. I feel very lucky. Now, never say never, and it may be that when they are much older I will be interested in a new career of sorts but the plan is not for that right now. And, of course, circumstances/health/finances can change. I am open to working, but I am certainly feel very fortunate that I can make a choice. AND I feel lucky that my husband is so supportive of my being at home. But this is such a personal choice for everyone, there really is no "right" way.

[Anonymous]

Totally agree PP, but I would add that I think our generation has a moral obligation to make sure that dads are also there sometimes afterschool. Bravo to all the SAHDs, part-time, flex time, and sneaking time dads out there who know that time with the kids is not only maternal domain.

[Anonymous]

Good grief, yes I will be going back to work! And it is certainly not for the money, as my DH is a surgeon does quite well for the family. Currently I have to be home because his hours at the hospital are very long and its just too stressful with the little ones to juggle it all and work now.

I was an RN before kids. I will be going back to nursing, but will work a flexible schedule that will allow me to be at home when the kids get home. Could not imagine a world filled with PTA and candy bar fundraisers. God bless those moms who do it, but the pettiness and hen pecking that goes on amongst that world is too much for me.

[Anonymous]

Yes, previous poster here that plans on staying at home until the kids are out of school, I agree with the poster reminding us about the Dads. ABSOLUTELY. And thank goodness my husband does the best he can on this. When he is present he is wholly present.

[Anonymous]

I've recently moved to DC from another part of the country.

Since I've moved, I've been surprised to hear from a few moms (including on this forum) who think that being with a child when they're older is more important that being with them when they're younger. I wholeheartedly agree that older kids benefit enormously from having a parent available them during after-school hours. But to trade-off staying at home with them when they're younger for that? I've tried, but I just don't see it. Kids truly need a devoted caregiver 24 hours a day until they're 4 or 5 years old. And whoever that is is having a huge impact on who the child becomes.

The other thing I'm surprised about it that a few of the mothers here seem baffled by "what career SAHMs do all day" once their kids are in school. Look at your child's school, your local library, the local foodbank, etc . They are filled with volunteers during the day. Some of the volunteers are people with full-time careers, but the people contributing the most time by far are the SAHMs. So given that you are benefitting from their work (and it is hard unpaid work), it's best to keep the condescension in check.

SAHMs for older kids are not sitting a home eating bon-bons and watching soaps.

[Anonymous]

My youngest will start school next year. I plan to still stay home. I cant wait My days will be "free" until 2pm. I do not plan to return to work again. I enjoy staying home and not having to answer to, put up with or take somebodies bull$hit for a paycheck. It was already decided that I would stay home with the children. I do the housework as well but my husband cooks 3xs a week and does the laundry so its not bad

[Anonymous]

This site tends to have a lot of WM who get very judgmental about SAHM--thus the "so and so has a cleaning service so I just don't know what she does all day"--these kinds of comments are not helpful and really are about control since said WM obviously thinks that because she is out in the job world, everyone should be. Frankly who cares if so and so gets cleaning done or has a nanny or has family helping--good for her!! By the way--I work from home so I am tech a WM. SAHM is a choice that a family decided together works and is a wonderful choice and I know a lot of people would like to be a SAHM but can't and that is sad. I know that when I was in the corporate world, I had a ton of time to go to fancy business lunches and also had a great time on my business trips--this I miss a lot so I wouldn't blame a SAHM to have a cleaning service--I know I do and I could careless what anyone thought about it.. Frankly if you saw my cleaning skills, you would understand. This always brings me back to the thought that feminism has gotten so off track--everyone should plan what they want in their lives without interference and instead too many women just attack each other if we don't make the PC choice. I hate that.

[Anonymous]

I want to provide a different perspective. A few posters have commented that staying home when the kids turn 5 is a good idea b/c they do not want to rely upon after school programs. I just want to let you know that many of these programs are awesome. My 5 yr old kindergartener really enjoys playing for an hour or so after school. Her school day is organized and structured, but at after school, she can play with her friends at the playground or inside doing arts and crafts, hoola hoop, board games, etc. The quality of the caregivers at her age is certainly important, but at 5 or 6 and up, the kids are focused upon their playmates and enjoying their games. The age groups are separated in most schools I know, so that 5 yr olds are not playing with 10 yr olds, but with their own age group. I suggest you check out the after school programs before you determine that they are a bad choice for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to provide a different perspective. A few posters have commented that staying home when the kids turn 5 is a good idea b/c they do not want to rely upon after school programs. I just want to let you know that many of these programs are awesome. My 5 yr old kindergartener really enjoys playing for an hour or so after school. Her school day is organized and structured, but at after school, she can play with her friends at the playground or inside doing arts and crafts, hoola hoop, board games, etc. The quality of the caregivers at her age is certainly important, but at 5 or 6 and up, the kids are focused upon their playmates and enjoying their games. The age groups are separated in most schools I know, so that 5 yr olds are not playing with 10 yr olds, but with their own age group. I suggest you check out the after school programs before you determine that they are a bad choice for your child.

Haven't you read the memo? Don't you know that kids who are raised by part-time parents turn out to be agressive and have behavior problems? Kids should be with their moms and dads at all times when possible. There is no benefit to childcare in any form no matter how you want to rationalize or what you want to call it to make yourself feel better for wanting to work. Woman, you should be at home where you belong!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know quite a few. I also know one mom who is working during elementary school but will quit again once her kids hit their pre-teens. I totally understand this. I remember always going to my one friend's house after school in 8th grade where both parents worked. It is where I tried my first cigarette, had my first drink and got into all kinds of trouble.

It's something that I am going to think about when my kids hit the pre-teen years. Do I work, have a limited schedule to be home after school or just stay home?

This post is ridiculous. Both of my Parents worked and I never got into trouble. Literally, never. I had friends who were ONLY allowed to play with me when they were grounded because I was considered a "good influence".....and I was one. I didn't smoke, drink, have sex or even drive downtown when I wasn't allowed to and no, I was not a geek. I had friends who did all of those things, they just didn't do them around me because they didn't want to "corrupt" me and I was practically immune to peer pressure. My husband is the same way....two working Parents and no trouble. Meanwhile, the poster of this got into "all kinds of trouble"....they just went to the friend's house to find it. I didn't go looking.

Kids do not get into trouble by virtue of the fact that their Parents work. It is a combination of many things and sometimes the Parents aren't even part of that. The one house we went to growing up that kids got into trouble was one of those houses where the Mom let the kids do whatever they wanted because she was scared of discipline and never said "No". I'm sure there are kids who never are disciplined and don't need it but everyone is different.

[Anonymous]

No, I won't be going back for a while, though I do freelance work from home. I would say that it's 50/50 in my neighborhood in NW DC.

My husband was a real latchkey kid, and it greatly influenced us and our decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This site tends to have a lot of WM who get very judgmental about SAHM--thus the "so and so has a cleaning service so I just don't know what she does all day"--these kinds of comments are not helpful and really are about control since said WM obviously thinks that because she is out in the job world, everyone should be. Frankly who cares if so and so gets cleaning done or has a nanny or has family helping--good for her!! By the way--I work from home so I am tech a WM. SAHM is a choice that a family decided together works and is a wonderful choice and I know a lot of people would like to be a SAHM but can't and that is sad. I know that when I was in the corporate world, I had a ton of time to go to fancy business lunches and also had a great time on my business trips--this I miss a lot so I wouldn't blame a SAHM to have a cleaning service--I know I do and I could careless what anyone thought about it.. Frankly if you saw my cleaning skills, you would understand. This always brings me back to the thought that feminism has gotten so off track--everyone should plan what they want in their lives without interference and instead too many women just attack each other if we don't make the PC choice. I hate that.

Great post.

Before I had kids, I would wonder why in the world my SAHM friends never had time to talk on the phone all day anymore. WELL, now I know!

Plus, give me a break - cleaning services aren't exactly just for the wealthy anymore in this country. I don't think I know one single family in my neighborhood that doesn't have one. Why should SAHMs be the only people cleaning their own houses? Like WMs they have more important things to do.

[Anonymous]

Totally agreee, PP! My goodness, it seems sometimes like the WMs truly do not get what is involved with a full day with the kids. Sure we clean the house (as in constantly clean up after//with the kids, when you are home all day you cannot imagine how untidy/and downright dirty the house can get.)

I used to work and had a fabulous nanny. I continue to be in awe at what an amazing job she did both with my child and with keeping things neat and doing laundry even! I love being at home (most of the time) and I love it because I get some help, including cleaning. Happy mom, in this household at least, does equal happy family.

[Anonymous]

Oh for gods sake, I'm a SAHM and the house remains clean. I never understand how this is a difficulty. It's called clean as you go and engage your husband at night to help with the finishing touches.

We go to friends houses durning the day and most of them are clean, but there are a good 20% who live in a pigsty. I suspect these people were messy long long before having kids. One of my friends has crayon on the walls, marker on the sofa, a thick layer of toys all over the place, and spills all over the carpet. She has absolutly no handle on her kids, they run wild all day. It will be very embarrassing for these kids when they grow up to have friends over when they live in such a mess.

I used to work at a home daycare and that even remined neat. There was not an overabundance of toys, the kids ate and did crafts at the tables ONLY, were required to clean up after THEMSELVES, and spent a good portion of the day outside. Tell me, how does 2 people running a daycare of 10 kids all under the age of 4 manage to keep it clean when 1 mom with 2 or 3 kids cannot?

[Anonymous]

PP you are missing the point--it is your choice not to have a cleaning service and you seem to be great at cleaning--good for you. But having one is no big deal-if you want to allocate funds there then fine. Again another mom who has decided what is appropriate--lame lame lame.