What should I say when my child asks about yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My six year old DD comes home from school and asks why she isn't invited on playdates. Breaks my heart and honestly, I wish one of those kids would ask her over. Wouldn't maybe be a typical playdate but would be fun.

You might want to reach out to one of the moms of one of the "nicer" girls in your DD's class and talk about scheduling some regular, standing playdates. A mom of a girl with Aspergers did this for her DD with my NT DD when the girls were young -- maybe 5ish. It was "work" for the mom, and honestly, my daughter didn't love going at first, but since my DC2 has SN, I recognized clearly what the mom was doing and supported her. My DD went along on those playdates and I would say after a while, she really began to enjoy herself, and as she and the other child got used to each other, she began to think of the girl as a friend and one she would include in bday parties and "regular" playdates. The same is going on now - the dad of the one girl in my DD's class now who has few friends and isn't social at all asks weekly for a playdate for his daughter and my DD. My DD would never ask to play with that child, but she is always happy to go or have her here in return, and has learned to have a good time when they are together. At first she found it hard to find things to play with this other child, but now that they have honed in on a few things, it's easier. And I provide lots of support - Hey, guys, let's bake cookies! Who wants to paint?! - to keep the playdates moving. And they are short - 1.5 hrs at most - whereas most of DD's playdates are much longer. BUt I know it helps this child to integrate and frankly, it helps my daughter to learn to play with anyone and to be empathetic and inclusive. DD is known as "the nice girl" in the class - prob because she has a brother with significant needs - so maybe she seems more accessible than others. If your DD has a child like this - someone who seems more accessible - maybe try to schedule weekly or every-other-week playdates with the mom or dad (rather than waiting for the children to plan it together) and hopefully something will catch on? Just a thought.

This is excellent advice and you are totally right. The problem I have is that the only mom who seems open to this is another mom of a child with special needs. I could probably talk to someone about it, but you are fortunate in that your DD has a sibling so can relate. I can honestly say, none of the parents in my daughter's class seem anxious to do this. We've invited five girls over for playdates this year, I know they've had fun (its been work for me to get it to that) but none of them have reciprocated. Sorry, I'll stop the pity party. I just need to find the right one. That's all it takes.