What kind of PITA parent behavior will get your kid kicked out/ or a non-favorable Rec ?

[Anonymous]

Below is the link to the Common Recommendation Form that many of the schools accept for Upper School Placement. Notice the last question on Page 2
You might print this out and review it with both your daughter AND husband as a little FYI

http://www.independenteducation.org/families/common-recommendation-forms-for-student-applicants

Hope this helps!

[Anonymous]

OP I feel for you-I have the same worries but for other reasons. My dc was injured in an accident at the school and I pretty much blew up. Justified actually because the whole thing was handled poorly and I have thought about this a lot and feel conflicted. Have to admit that I don't get the warm and fuzzies with the head of the school..which I do think is unfair because my dc was in injured by a teacher who made a dumb mistake. It almost felt like they tried to sweep it under. My dh thought there were worried about a lawsuit which we never considered ever...I actually wanted to pull child out of school but didn't because my child loves the school and after I calmed down..I thought this was an isolated incident and I believe they put in some changes that this wouldn't happen to other kids. I also like most of the teachers. I talked to a lot of friends who all said they would have blown up too because my child had to get treatment asap-sorry I don't want to go further into detail but it was a big deal. Anyway we are deep in admissions and I am worried about the reccommendation and I wonder what I can do. FYI child has a WPPSI score that is really really high so no problems there and was completely fine at all the playdates so I am not worried there. We are not asking for FA so no worries about that.. The only area is the reccommendation-I am a parent who volunteers, donates etc. etc. but I have always in the back of my head have been concerned about this one thing. I am curious-can I get a copy of the recommendation? I also considered bringing this up but frankly..what are they going to say. Yes..we are pissed you got mad and we are going to screw your kid? My friend who is a teacher says it would be hugely unprofessional but sometimes I feel like these private schools can be petty. Anyway this is my worry so I feel for OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I feel for you-I have the same worries but for other reasons. My dc was injured in an accident at the school and I pretty much blew up. Justified actually because the whole thing was handled poorly and I have thought about this a lot and feel conflicted. Have to admit that I don't get the warm and fuzzies with the head of the school..which I do think is unfair because my dc was in injured by a teacher who made a dumb mistake. It almost felt like they tried to sweep it under. My dh thought there were worried about a lawsuit which we never considered ever...I actually wanted to pull child out of school but didn't because my child loves the school and after I calmed down..I thought this was an isolated incident and I believe they put in some changes that this wouldn't happen to other kids. I also like most of the teachers. I talked to a lot of friends who all said they would have blown up too because my child had to get treatment asap-sorry I don't want to go further into detail but it was a big deal. Anyway we are deep in admissions and I am worried about the reccommendation and I wonder what I can do. FYI child has a WPPSI score that is really really high so no problems there and was completely fine at all the playdates so I am not worried there. We are not asking for FA so no worries about that.. The only area is the reccommendation-I am a parent who volunteers, donates etc. etc. but I have always in the back of my head have been concerned about this one thing. I am curious-can I get a copy of the recommendation? I also considered bringing this up but frankly..what are they going to say. Yes..we are pissed you got mad and we are going to screw your kid? My friend who is a teacher says it would be hugely unprofessional but sometimes I feel like these private schools can be petty. Anyway this is my worry so I feel for OP.

OP here. Thanks for sharing your story. It reveals a lot about the pressure and fear we all feel, even years after our DC's are "accepted". I had to respond to you to say that there is NO WAY a school would ever hold anything against a mother who "lost it" when her child was hurt . You were just being a Mom. Unless you beat up a kid who is bullying yours, I'm pretty sure you get a pass. Sorry for you that it happened and I know what you mean about that sad feeling when you feel a breach with the school.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine why that school would want to open the door on an incident that presents them in and even worse light than you! I highly doubt they mentioned it.

No doubt word gets out about OP's loudmouth husband. Schools get enough PITA parents unknowingly so they are going to be highly cautious of one who is known as a pain even before arriving. You mention you receive FA. Don't be surprised if you get an acceptance (so they save face) but a low award (to the point you can't afford it and don't accept) If you really want this, I would suggest putting forward your best efforts to show you are the type of family they really want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine why that school would want to open the door on an incident that presents them in and even worse light than you! I highly doubt they mentioned it.

This is the sort of thing I worried about too. If the school is being really petty (let's hope they aren't), then on the recommendation they would say something like "mom tends to overreact" or "mom is sometimes on a short fuse." There is need to describe the incident and their own role in it. But you never know what they are saying, and you don't get a chance to respond. Let's hope the school is less petty, and more professional than this.

[Anonymous]

If you are applying to a very competitive school that is trying to make distinctions between lots of equally qualified applicants, I would think that PITA parent(s) would be a factor that they would take into account. It certainly can't help. I would also suspect that, even if they don't affirmatively call the parents a PITA, an absence of a positive recommendation on that front probably speaks volumes.

I only know one kid that was counseled out of dc's school, and it did reflect the parent's behavior, in the sense that the parent's didn't take the kid's behavior problems seriously. I think if the parents had tried to work with school cooperatively, the outcome would have been different. Having issues is not uncommon, the question is how you handle them. Does your husband approach the school administration respectfully with positive suggestions on how to improve, or does he you simply subject them to angry critiques?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I've heard that being a trouble maker parent can cause problems for DC at exmissions time. Generally speaking in life, it's a good idea to pick your battles wisely. Some things are worth fighting over and others are not. An adult who fights over everything doesn't have good political judgment.

Is this an actual case that you heard of a child who had great reports, ERB's and was adored, but was rejected because of the parent? Can you elaborate so I can get DH to put a sock in it. Thanks.

Yup, I know of a family counseled out over the father's behavior. But, honestly, it doesn't sound like what your DH is doing. This father did stuff that arguably put kids at risk (violated photo policies, showed lack of judgment when supervising activities on trips). I didn't think that what happened was fair -- certainly not to the kid and maybe not even to the Dad, but, again, the issues went way beyond critique of the school and its policies. Actually, your description of what your DH does would fit me as well and there have been no negative repercussions for my kid (or me -- only positive ones, really).