Forum Index
»
Private & Independent Schools
What kind of PITA parent behavior will get your kid kicked out/ or a non-favorable Rec ?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| DD is doing very well at her local Private( stellar reports and great ERB's, well liked), but DH is a bit over-bearing and rubs people wrong way. Does this ever result in rejection from Upper School? |
Anonymous
| Examples? |
Anonymous
That would identify DH. Am trying to guage by posting here. Hear any stories? |
Anonymous
Suffice it say that if there is a lightning rod issue, DH always speaks up. DH is the type that says out loud what many people are thinking, but have the good sense not to. My concern is that he has offended the Head and the Board and DD is about to pay the price. |
Anonymous
| I can't speak from experience, but I imagine that not paying tuition on time would probably be a red flag. |
Anonymous
| They probably dislike him but they aren't going to kick out your child because of it. It would have to come down to something like teachers feeling threatened. I don't think it sound like he is anywhere near the line. |
Anonymous
Less concerned about DD being kicked out as not accepted at exmissions time. DD's school is a feeder. |
Anonymous
Don't worry about it. Your child will be fine in admissions (judged on her own merits), these schools are good at separating kids from parents. There are plenty of PITA parents at all these schools and they live with it -- with 30k tuitions they even understand the phenomenon! |
Anonymous
| Well I've heard that being a trouble maker parent can cause problems for DC at exmissions time. Generally speaking in life, it's a good idea to pick your battles wisely. Some things are worth fighting over and others are not. An adult who fights over everything doesn't have good political judgment. |
Anonymous
Thanks for the reassurance, but our family does not pay 30K, we get some financial aid. DH is not of the entitled crowd, but does speak up and am afraid school may pass on ," avoid this family" thanks to what they perceive as ingrate behavior. Meanwhile ,DH feels someone should speak up as the school says it values diversity etc....Do I need to apologize to the Head privately for my DH's behavior... what kind of "we are so glad to have our daughter here " behavior would you advise. Aren't these schools all very conncected to each other ( especially feeders)and not wanting to pass on a "problem parent" |
Anonymous
Is this an actual case that you heard of a child who had great reports, ERB's and was adored, but was rejected because of the parent? Can you elaborate so I can get DH to put a sock in it. Thanks. |
Anonymous
|
There are LOTS of overbearing parents at these schools. The fact that you are even aware of your dh's overbearing behavior sets you apart from a lot of aggressive mothers that I know. I don't think your DC will be couselled out.
On the other hand, you do want a good relationship with the school, particularly if you ever have to advocate on DC's behalf in the future. I think you could meet with the division head and express the concerns about your dh that you've expressed here, minus the bit about your DC being counselled out. Let them know that you are aware that your dh is difficult, but that you are a reasonable person who deeply appreciates them, and you wear the pants. Bring some warm, freshly baked food. Then limit dh's contact with the school to those times when you need The Terminator to step in. |
Anonymous
| This is 23:24 again. I didn't mean to suggest that only the "full tuition paying families" get understanding from the schools when one of the parents is more difficult to handle. Instead, I meant it as a comment that, as tuition has skyrocketed, schools actually understand that the parent body as a whole, given the enormous investment, may feel justified in putting more pressure on the school than in the past. So there are not only more so-called "PITA-parents," but schools do have some understanding of the feeling that parents want results/input/responsiveness etc. It doesn't mean people won't roll an eye when they tell stories about difficult parents -- teachers and administrators are human too, and they will. But (1) it's not that unusual; and (2) they're in teaching because they like kids, and they won't generally hold parent behavior against kids. (I'll agree with a prior poster that if a parent were unstable and making violent threats against school personnel, it might be a different story, but just being sort of abrasive and outspoken on policy issues doesn't take it to that level.) With that said, if you get a chance to give a gracious thank-you to the prior school for the good experience your daughter has had (if she has), nobody ever minds a sincere and nice interaction of that sort and yeah, maybe it balances the scales a bit as against your DH's more critical attitude. |
Anonymous
| From what I've seen, the family is important in exmissions recommendations. You hear this frequently in terms of positive factors, such as participating at school functions, heading the PTO, et cetera. If you can't find a negative example to wield in front of DH, perhaps you could find a positive counter-example. Maybe something on DCUM about the importance of volunteering for getting good recommendations - I know I've seen such posts on DCUM. |
Anonymous
|
OP,
Tell him to put a sock on it. Schools interview parents to weed out obnoxious types. |