Why is miscarriage taboo?

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who miscarried at 10 weeks and was disappointed but not devastated. I have one child already and I do absolutely think that made the miscarriage easier for me. I also have had no trouble getting pregnant both times I've tried so I have every reason to think I will be able to have another child. I think if I had miscarried my first pregnancy, I would have been a wreck because it would have made me think I might never be able to have children. Or if I had miscarried after trying for a long time to get pregnant. I honestly feel kind of strange about the fact that I wasn't all that upset over this MC...it seems like I'm in the minority in that regard. But I really do believe that MC's are just part of the conception/trying/childbearing process and I'm grateful to the close friends who have shared theirs with me so I know how common it is.

So, back to the point of this thread, I absolutely agree that MC should not be taboo because it is helpful for everyone to know how common it is. But I also don't really think it is "taboo" so much as it just is kind of personal. Meaning that I'll tell a few close friends but not broadcast it to the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I honestly feel kind of strange about the fact that I wasn't all that upset over this MC...it seems like I'm in the minority in that regard.

Please don't feel badly about how you responded to such a personal thing. I am one of the PPs who had a hard time with my miscarriage, but I don't think you are weird for handling it more smoothly. Everyone is different about these kinds of things and your feelings are just as valid as the next person's.

[Anonymous]

I've had two miscarraiges. The first was before I had my child, and it was pretty devasting. But, only in the sense that I would have to wait longer to meet my child. After I got pregnant again - with my DC - it was no longer devasting to me. I had my second miscarraige soon after I started trying for a second child. I was shocked to feel relief and realized that maybe I should have just one child after all. It has been two years, and I still feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who miscarried at 10 weeks and was disappointed but not devastated. I have one child already and I do absolutely think that made the miscarriage easier for me. I also have had no trouble getting pregnant both times I've tried so I have every reason to think I will be able to have another child. I think if I had miscarried my first pregnancy, I would have been a wreck because it would have made me think I might never be able to have children. Or if I had miscarried after trying for a long time to get pregnant. I honestly feel kind of strange about the fact that I wasn't all that upset over this MC...it seems like I'm in the minority in that regard. But I really do believe that MC's are just part of the conception/trying/childbearing process and I'm grateful to the close friends who have shared theirs with me so I know how common it is.

So, back to the point of this thread, I absolutely agree that MC should not be taboo because it is helpful for everyone to know how common it is. But I also don't really think it is "taboo" so much as it just is kind of personal. Meaning that I'll tell a few close friends but not broadcast it to the world.

I;m the other PP with the MC at 10 weeks and I do have fetility problems, so I guess that's why it's hard. I don't know when or if it'll eventually work out. I do agree that having my son helped tremendously. The MCs I had before him were harder b/c I didn't know if I'd ever get pregnant. They were also easier in that they were earlier.

I also don't think it's taboo. I would have no problem talking about it except that I'm kind of a private person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I honestly feel kind of strange about the fact that I wasn't all that upset over this MC...it seems like I'm in the minority in that regard.

Please don't feel badly about how you responded to such a personal thing. I am one of the PPs who had a hard time with my miscarriage, but I don't think you are weird for handling it more smoothly. Everyone is different about these kinds of things and your feelings are just as valid as the next person's.

When I had my first miscarriage, I was also not that upset. In fact, I was thrilled to finally learn I could *get* pregnant. But, the second and third ones were devastating. I think a lot of it is how old you are, how long you've been trying, and how far along you were. In short, how invested and hopeful in the pregnancy you were. I finally have a DS now, and am trying again (miscarried for the fourth time in November, which wasn't as bad).

I actually think *infertility* is the taboo, not the miscarriages. You can share your miscarriage with your friends and family and receive sympathy. Sharing a "lack" of something is much, much harder and more awkward. I was incredibly lonely when I was TTC'ing. And, when I had my first miscarriage, it was like the flood gates opened and I was finally able to share my heartbreak with my friends and family (they thought it was over the miscarriage, but really it was crying for the years of silent disappointment).