Why is miscarriage taboo?

[jodypratt]

I suffered two devastating miscarriages before my two daughters were born. The isolation and depression that followed was one of the biggest emotional challenges of my life. I recently wrote about my experiences for Babble. I hope that sharing my story can help others feel less alone in this tragedy. Here's a link: http://www.babble.com/pregnancy/my-pregnancy/coping-with-miscarriage-pregnancy-secret/

Best,
Jody

[Anonymous]

I haven't read your post, but totally agree. I also had a loss and thought it was so strange, and anti-feminist (for lack of a better word) that given the % of people who walk around having had a miscarriage in our world, this isn't talked about more. I don't know how to talk about my own loss- it's not teh sort of thing you randomly bring up at a dinner conversation- but I *do* feel like knowing that you are not alone --- at ALL! --- is really helpful..

[Anonymous]

This was beautiful and very well put. Captured exactly how I felt after 3 consecutive losses. Thank you for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Beautifull written. Had 3 mcs in 15 months myself. So sorry for your losses and thanks for posting.

[Anonymous]

I think what may be worse...

Your baby having a lethal genetic mutation that forces you to terminate the pregnancy.

It is amazing the number of people that will judge you for terminating a pregnancy, despite the fact that the mutation is lethal...

So again, you go through a horrible 'miscarriage' and can't even begin to share with others because of the uncertainty of how people may react.

[Anonymous]

I read that Babble article and I have to say that I didn't really relate to it at all. And I just had a miscarriage in January. I was not all that emotionally scarred by it and it was not that traumatic for me. (And no, I am not some weirdo who can't handle my own emotions). I think part of the reason it was not that awful, though, was because I realize how common it is because it has happened to so many friends of mine and they have talked about it. In my head and in my heart, I don't really feel "pregnant" until I get past 12 weeks and have seen the heartbeat. So when I had a miscarriage, I was disappointed but not devastated. I do agree that MC should not be taboo but not because it is necessarily so awful but because if it was not as taboo, then I think women would be less surprised when it happened to them. And no, I am not judging you for feeling differently about your miscarriage, I absolutely recognize that some women take it harder than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read that Babble article and I have to say that I didn't really relate to it at all. And I just had a miscarriage in January. I was not all that emotionally scarred by it and it was not that traumatic for me. (And no, I am not some weirdo who can't handle my own emotions). I think part of the reason it was not that awful, though, was because I realize how common it is because it has happened to so many friends of mine and they have talked about it. In my head and in my heart, I don't really feel "pregnant" until I get past 12 weeks and have seen the heartbeat. So when I had a miscarriage, I was disappointed but not devastated. I do agree that MC should not be taboo but not because it is necessarily so awful but because if it was not as taboo, then I think women would be less surprised when it happened to them. And no, I am not judging you for feeling differently about your miscarriage, I absolutely recognize that some women take it harder than others.

how far along were you? My recent MC was at 10 weeks and had already seen a heartbeat and definitely "felt" pregnant (exhaustion, nausea). Much more than you do in the second trimester when you feel much better. (and yes, I have one child, so I do know you feel better in the second tri - at least I did)

[Anonymous]

OP - I am sorry for the loss of your baby.

But I do not believe Miscarriage is taboo.

Relating the event of death in any circumstance to strangers, near strangers, friends - close or not, family, is never an easy thing and many, many people do not know what to do or say in these situations. In an ideal world, everyone would say the right thing but it doesn't happen that way.

People say callous and terrible things when faced with the issue of death. It's not just miscarriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read that Babble article and I have to say that I didn't really relate to it at all. And I just had a miscarriage in January. I was not all that emotionally scarred by it and it was not that traumatic for me. (And no, I am not some weirdo who can't handle my own emotions). I think part of the reason it was not that awful, though, was because I realize how common it is because it has happened to so many friends of mine and they have talked about it. In my head and in my heart, I don't really feel "pregnant" until I get past 12 weeks and have seen the heartbeat. So when I had a miscarriage, I was disappointed but not devastated. I do agree that MC should not be taboo but not because it is necessarily so awful but because if it was not as taboo, then I think women would be less surprised when it happened to them. And no, I am not judging you for feeling differently about your miscarriage, I absolutely recognize that some women take it harder than others.

how far along were you? My recent MC was at 10 weeks and had already seen a heartbeat and definitely "felt" pregnant (exhaustion, nausea). Much more than you do in the second trimester when you feel much better. (and yes, I have one child, so I do know you feel better in the second tri - at least I did)

I was 10 weeks and I had felt super nauseated and pregnant. I just didn't have my first US until 10 weeks and then we saw there was no heartbeat. Baby was measuring 9 weeks. Like I said, I was disappointed but not devastated because I know how common it is before 12 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read that Babble article and I have to say that I didn't really relate to it at all. And I just had a miscarriage in January. I was not all that emotionally scarred by it and it was not that traumatic for me. (And no, I am not some weirdo who can't handle my own emotions). I think part of the reason it was not that awful, though, was because I realize how common it is because it has happened to so many friends of mine and they have talked about it. In my head and in my heart, I don't really feel "pregnant" until I get past 12 weeks and have seen the heartbeat. So when I had a miscarriage, I was disappointed but not devastated. I do agree that MC should not be taboo but not because it is necessarily so awful but because if it was not as taboo, then I think women would be less surprised when it happened to them. And no, I am not judging you for feeling differently about your miscarriage, I absolutely recognize that some women take it harder than others.

how far along were you? My recent MC was at 10 weeks and had already seen a heartbeat and definitely "felt" pregnant (exhaustion, nausea). Much more than you do in the second trimester when you feel much better. (and yes, I have one child, so I do know you feel better in the second tri - at least I did)

I was 10 weeks and I had felt super nauseated and pregnant. I just didn't have my first US until 10 weeks and then we saw there was no heartbeat. Baby was measuring 9 weeks. Like I said, I was disappointed but not devastated because I know how common it is before 12 weeks.

I'm the person who asked you. I wouldn't say I was devastated either. Probably it was more of a shock since I had always heard/assumed if you saw the heartbeat, the chance of MC was very small.

[Anonymous]

i think part of the reason you may have been okay is that you KNEW how common it was and had seen others suffer through (and probably make it to the other end successfully). i was one of the first in my peer group to start having children and thus one of the first to have a loss. no one really knew what to say or what i wasgoing through. but i also know my talking about it helped them later.

sorry for all teh losses.

[Anonymous]

I've often wondered how different the experience is for women who are trying to start a family versus those who already have kids.

I lost my first two pregnancies, then had two healthy pregnancies, so I know what it's like to be kept waiting for motherhood, but not what it feels like to lose a subsequent pregnancy after you already have kids. (And may I never find out.)

Does anybody else feel that this could factor into the impact miscarriage has on a women?

[Anonymous]

I had one miscarriage between the pregnancies and births of my two children, and I, too, found it to be a difficult time and devastating loss. For me, knowledge was not power; I knew how common it was but that did not change how upset I was to lose that baby. I was fortunate that I have very open and supportive family and friends who listened during that time and acknowledged our loss with cards and even flowers. I was struck by how many friends acknowledged that they or their wives had had a miscarriage once I was open about mine. Even though you know it is common in theory, it can be quite opening to discover how many people you know who have been through it.

My condolences to all of you on this board who have had to go through this.

[Anonymous]

oops, I meant to say "quite eye-opening".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've often wondered how different the experience is for women who are trying to start a family versus those who already have kids.

I lost my first two pregnancies, then had two healthy pregnancies, so I know what it's like to be kept waiting for motherhood, but not what it feels like to lose a subsequent pregnancy after you already have kids. (And may I never find out.)

Does anybody else feel that this could factor into the impact miscarriage has on a women?

Hi, I'm the PP who had my miscarriage between children. Even though it was very hard, I did take great comfort from having my daughter at that time. I thought to myself that it might be worse for those to whom this happens before they have had other children.

I mourn the loss of that middle child, but I also think sometimes about the fact that I would not have my son, now 4 mos, if that second pregnancy had been viable. And, of course, I adore my son and can't imagine the world without him already.