Upsetting health care experience during miscarriage

[Anonymous]

I had a radiologist announce it to crowded waiting room "LastnName, looks like a miscarriage. Come with me". I was across the room from him. Had no idea.

Nice, hunh? Some woman sitting next to me jumped up and laid into him about privacy, etc.

[Anonymous]

I'm a patient at Capital Women's Care in Silver Spring (Travers, Levitt, Berger-Weiss, etc). I had a m/c in July 2009 while on vacation and they spoke with the doctor I went to see. Then when I returned home I had an easy time getting an appt with Dr Levitt to discuss further options and get an exam. Very warm and caring. The receptionists are not my favorite generally but I love the doctors and nurses. They are a high volume practice as well but they did provide good care during a difficult situation.

Sorry you had to deal with that. I would definitely send a note--especially if you decide to leave the practice.

[Anonymous]

OP, I had a similar experience with two OB practices with late first trimester m/c's, but luckily I had a great RE who technically wasn't my doctor anymore, but helped us deal with the loss. Overall, my experience with ob offices has been negative, it seems that have the bottom of the barrel staff wise, but since I'm an R.N. I know to bypass them when needed. However, when dealing with a m/c your emotions are so raw that a rude receptionist can really push you over the edge. It seems that most ob's can't afford to hire r.n.'s they have mostly nursing assistants and maybe an LPN, whereas my RE's office has great nurses.

[Anonymous]

PP poster here. I agree completely, an RE is much better suited and I am seeing one now. The problem is, even when I asked them if I should see an RE or if they had any recommendations for specialists they told me no, the losses were just a fluke and better luck next time. After my third loss when I stressed that I really think I need to see an RE or someone who specializes in recurrent pregnancy loss they sent me to a geneticist- even though all of the chromosome tests came back normal- who even told me herself that she wasn't the best person to see. While I don't expect them to be experts in fertility issues, I do expect them to appropriately refer me on to specialists when they do not know how to handle a case.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I had a similar experience at Capital Women's Care - in August 2007. We had learned through an ultrasound out of the office that we had a miscarriage (anembryonic pregnancy/blighted ovum), and my doctor at the time told me to come in the next day. So I did, and I waited, and waited, and waited for almost 2 hours to be seen. It was hell. Apparently my doctor was asking whether I was there, and somehow the office staff said I wasn't, although I had repeatedly gone up to the desk to ask what was going on. Anyway, it was so bad that my doctor later asked me to write a letter detailing my experience, because they were trying to fire the receptionist I had dealt with, as she had done a similar thing to another person as well. I had hoped that things had improved there, but apparently not. (That said, with a subsequent pregnancy, I had a great experience with Capitalo Women's Care in Silver Spring, so not all of them are bad).

[Anonymous]

OP, I am sorry for your loss, as well as for everyone that has shared their experience.

I had a miscarriage recently and I felt it was all handled very well by my doctor's office, even though she never offered any sort of sympathy. First of all all appointments were done quickly and I had minimum wait times. She patiently answered all of my questions, but she did keep it very matter of fact. I suspect they do this on purpose. The sonogram technician was the only one that offered some kind words referring to my miscarriage. Anything technical and medical was done just as any other appointment. This did not upset me though - I felt I was handled professionally and with the appropriate amount of sensitivity. I was also afraid that if anyone said "I'm so sorry" or anything like that, I would start crying, so I was almost glad they treated me as if this was all very normal.

I am sharing this because I think it is possible to feel taken care of even if they don't say much about the miscarriage. What you describe I think was not very professional - having to repeat over and over the reason for your visit, waiting so long when you plainly don't feel well... That is what I think made this so upsetting. I am sorry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP poster here. I agree completely, an RE is much better suited and I am seeing one now. The problem is, even when I asked them if I should see an RE or if they had any recommendations for specialists they told me no, the losses were just a fluke and better luck next time. After my third loss when I stressed that I really think I need to see an RE or someone who specializes in recurrent pregnancy loss they sent me to a geneticist- even though all of the chromosome tests came back normal- who even told me herself that she wasn't the best person to see. While I don't expect them to be experts in fertility issues, I do expect them to appropriately refer me on to specialists when they do not know how to handle a case.

On ob/gyn's who don't refer to RE's: This seems to happen amazingly often. I know "older" women who've lost precious time because of ob/gyn's failure to refer. Most often it's the patient who finally takes the step of consulting RE.

What's the motivation of these doctors? Arrogance, greed? I really don't get it.

[Anonymous]

RPL, recurrent m/c is a form of infertility so it is best treated by an RE or perinatologist, but usually an RE with follow up to a perinatologist.

[Anonymous]

In 2003 I had my first m/c at 10 weeks. It was discovered by an U/S tech who then called in an OB. I was so devistated. I was literally unable to speak, in the fetal position, wailing. They seemed shocked and ill-equipped to deal with it - Oh, and the OB was like 30 weeks pregnant. The OB repeatedly said to me sternly, you need to lie still so I can take a look at the image. I felt like my child had just died. They were great at the DNC and with follow-up questions; but with my following pregnancies I went to another doc. There is a part of my that grieves that loss still - and I wonder if my parents and the doctors and known what to do and say whether it would be easier now.

[Anonymous]

I dont think I'd know what to do with you either if you were wailing in a fetal position. I also had a D&C for a missed miscarraige discovered at my 1st appt when they couldn't find a heartbeat (after a normal sono at 8 wks). I was with Reiter and Hill - seeing Dr. Engel for the first time and he was very nice about it. I'm sure this happens in their practices very often and while it's devastating to us, i'm sure an Obs office gets desensitized to it.

[Anonymous]

Finding this post was really helpful (even though I know it was a long time ago!) - hearing that so many other women having had upsetting experiences in the health care setting made me feel less alone in this whole process.

I'm a physician, and I care for patients with cancer. Maybe because I'm a doctor, and in a field where compassion, empathy, patience, and respect are such a huge part of what is required in my field, I have what I'm finding out are unrealistically high expectations of my own physicians and their staff.

I'm only 28 years old, but have had 2 miscarriages in the past 5 months as my husband and I are trying for our first child. Although my doctor has been thoughtful, calm, compassionate, and extremely professional (love her - Dr. Williams at Women to Women at VHC), her staff is much less so. The lab slips are never ready for me when I arrive; I've been hung up on when I call for an appointment; the scheduling folks are often inflexible about trying to fit me in for appointments at times when both my husband and I could make it to the office. And this time, when a nurse called with my lab results (again, I had to call first and leave a message requesting the results before anyone called me back) to tell me my hCG was dropping (which I already knew, as I had begun miscarrying that morning), she lacked any compassion, let alone professionalism. She told me the number, but never asked me how I was feeling, what I was going through, if I wanted to come in to see the doctor again, how to take care of myself, or asked me if I needed any prescriptions. Thankfully I still had pain meds left over from last time (and I could have called in my own...), I knew about some of the precautions to take and what to expect, and I called back of my own volition to schedule a follow-up. I've also started looking around for an RE and maybe a second-opinion general ob/gyn practice, despite how much I adore Dr. Williams. Thankfully I have an unbelievably strong support network in my husband, family, and friends. But seriously - who trained these people how to deliver bad news? It's embarrassing, and if these were my staff, I would be looking for new ones.

Unfortunately, usually the only thing to do is to complain both directly to your physician (if the problem is with staff) and ask to speak directly with the practice manager (for staff and physicians). Most (but not all) physicians want to know if their staff are not performing at the level that would be expected; and most physicians within a practice want to know if one of their partners or associates isn't carrying out their job.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry for you loss op. Bad enough to experience this, let alone needing to chase down good care.
I have to say by the way, ibhad a miscarriage in April with Reiter Hill and they were FABULOUS. Called on a Sunday and got a call back with 5 minutes. Compassionate response, clear instructions and what to look for. Then another call from the doc later that Sunday asking fir an update, and then recommended the ER.
The next morning, at 630am, call from the doc on call (different doc from Sunday) asking how I was doing, and letting me know she had already cleared me as priority for an appt that Monday morning. Got to the DC office where the front office staff asked my name, saw the note from the overnight doctor, and put me in one of those window doctor offices to wait for the doc away from the waiting room. I ended up getting a DandC, and i just cannot say enough about the coordination of care from start to finish to follow up. I really think anyone who didn't get good care at RH should date their experience because they are just top notch in my book. They had issues a couple of years ago, but wow have they pulled it together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Finding this post was really helpful (even though I know it was a long time ago!) - hearing that so many other women having had upsetting experiences in the health care setting made me feel less alone in this whole process.

I'm a physician, and I care for patients with cancer. Maybe because I'm a doctor, and in a field where compassion, empathy, patience, and respect are such a huge part of what is required in my field, I have what I'm finding out are unrealistically high expectations of my own physicians and their staff.

I'm only 28 years old, but have had 2 miscarriages in the past 5 months as my husband and I are trying for our first child. Although my doctor has been thoughtful, calm, compassionate, and extremely professional (love her - Dr. Williams at Women to Women at VHC), her staff is much less so. The lab slips are never ready for me when I arrive; I've been hung up on when I call for an appointment; the scheduling folks are often inflexible about trying to fit me in for appointments at times when both my husband and I could make it to the office. And this time, when a nurse called with my lab results (again, I had to call first and leave a message requesting the results before anyone called me back) to tell me my hCG was dropping (which I already knew, as I had begun miscarrying that morning), she lacked any compassion, let alone professionalism. She told me the number, but never asked me how I was feeling, what I was going through, if I wanted to come in to see the doctor again, how to take care of myself, or asked me if I needed any prescriptions. Thankfully I still had pain meds left over from last time (and I could have called in my own...), I knew about some of the precautions to take and what to expect, and I called back of my own volition to schedule a follow-up. I've also started looking around for an RE and maybe a second-opinion general ob/gyn practice, despite how much I adore Dr. Williams. Thankfully I have an unbelievably strong support network in my husband, family, and friends. But seriously - who trained these people how to deliver bad news? It's embarrassing, and if these were my staff, I would be looking for new ones.

Unfortunately, usually the only thing to do is to complain both directly to your physician (if the problem is with staff) and ask to speak directly with the practice manager (for staff and physicians). Most (but not all) physicians want to know if their staff are not performing at the level that would be expected; and most physicians within a practice want to know if one of their partners or associates isn't carrying out their job.

It is comforting to hear there are doctors who care. I am sorry for your losses, PP.

My two miscarriage experiences could not have been more different. For the first, I had to go to a Naval Hospital. I was 13 weeks, and since we had just PCS'd, I had not had any prenatal care yet, so I went to the ER when I started bleeding. My husband had to stay at home with our kids, so I was alone and terrified.

I waited a few hours in the waiting room, and seven hours in the cubicle, through the night, praying, staring at the ultrasound machine that the nurse had wheeled in. The doctor finally barged into the room, never even looked at me, and said, "you are aborting your fetus. Why are you wasting our time? I see you've had other children, so you should know better than to waste a bed on something pointless. Call OB and set up your surgery when they open."

He turned to leave, and I said "Aren't you going to check for the heartbeat?". He whipped around and almost shouted, "I don't even know how to use that thing, and there's no point. You can go."

After he stormed out, a nurse came back in and held me as I sobbed and sobbed. She told me it wasn't me, that the doctor didn't like women in general.

I refused to go back to the hospital after that, and miscarried at home. It hurt a lot, and I bled for months afterwards. In fact, I did hemorrage a couple weeks later, landed back in the ER, and had an even worse experience.

For my second miscarriage, we were stationed in DC, and I got permission from Tricare to use a civilian doctor. I went to Tepeyac Family Center, and they were so compassionate, so understanding, so kind, I cannot find words to say how wonderful they were for me. Not only that, but they discovered a rare genetic blood clotting disorder that might have contributed to my miscarriages.

The point of all this is that kindress and empathy does not only make the patient FEEL better, but also may lead to a more accurate diagnosis and better physical care. Arrogance, coldness, and pride can prevent doctors from hearing their patients' needs, or stop them from investigating further.

Now, I am a member of Birth Matters, an advocacy group for women's care during childbearing. I hope my experiences help other women have better care.

[Anonymous]

Yes, overly sensitive. You did not HAVE to tell every office person it was a miscarriage. In fact, that's super awkward for them. Why not just say 'blood work'? Doctors are supposed to remain professional. Comfort is why you bring a friend or husband.

[Anonymous]

In my opinion, there are serious issues with CWC. Each practice is its own separate entity, but they all seem to have endemic issues. I went to the Rockville/germantown office. Stayed with them b/c I didn't want to/know how to go elsewhere in pregnancy. My GP had recommended Lakner. I found him to be awful. Wei shouldn't even be a doctor of patients, IMO. Worst and most painful gyn exam I have ever had in my life. Grossman treated me like I was an idiot. The only one I remotely liked was Laurin. I had a bleeding and threatened miscarriage early on and they could not have cared less. I only got help when I was sent for nucal fold testing (my age) and THOSE doctors looked at my other issues. I had a bunch of other issues as well. I know another couple recently who left that practice b/c they were also unhappy.

Another CWC practice (also one with a R'ville office) told a friend that she was crazy and imagining things and was being paranoid when she thought there was something wrong with her preg. She lost the child shortly thereafter at about the in the 3rd trimester. Another friend major issues with CWC practice and only stayed b/c of her main doctor there.

If I am lucky enough to get pregnant again, I would not go back. I haven't been back since the 8 week checkup. I go to a doctor very far from where I live who is good, but doesn't do OB anymore.

IMO, CWC practices tend to have one or two good doctors and then fill in with and force upon you a bunch of other mediocre to bad doctors..