Upsetting health care experience during miscarriage

[Anonymous]

I had a very negative experience at the downtown Capital Women's Care office yesterday and I was wondering if anyone else has ever had experienced something similar?

Last week, I began to lose my pregnancy at 6 weeks. When I realized something was wrong, I called for an appointment. My normal doctor was not available so they scheduled me in with another doctor the following day. During that visit, the doctor explained to me I could be miscarrying (which I already knew as I was bleeding very heavily) and that I needed blood tests. He explained that, if my first blood test showed pregnancy hormones, I would have to return the following week to do a follow up test. He informed me that I must call the following day after 1:30 to get my results. At the time, it struck me as odd that I had to call to get the results but I did as I was told. I was also amazed that my visit only took about five minutes and involved no physical exam. Also, at no point, did anyone point me towards any support resources for miscarrying moms or in any way acknowledge my loss.

When I called to get my results, I was informed that I did have relatively high levels of pregnancy hormones and that I needed to come in on Monday for tests. The nurse I spoke with said that the appointments were done on a drop in basis and I did not need an appointment.

I arrived at the office at about 9:50 on Monday morning and signed in, explaining to the receptionist I was there for labs and did not have an appointment per the nurse's instructions during my call for lab results. About 20 minutes later, she called me up for my insurance information and asked what kind of labs I was getting. I explained I was checking pregnancy levels to confirm a miscarriage. She said the wait was generally about 20 minutes for labs. At about 10:45 am, I went and checked with another receptionist how long I should expect to wait because people who had come in well after I arrived had seen the doctor and were leaving. Again, I had to explain I was having a miscarriage. She said that nurses pick up labs "when they have time" and someone would get to me eventually.

At about 11:00, a nurse called me back and asked me what kind of labs I needed because the doctor hadn't left a note saying what I needed. I explained again it was a miscarriage and she told me to sit down again and wait. Ten minutes later, she kind of popped out, grabbed me and dumped me in a line to have my blood drawn without asking me any questions about my physical or emotional health. Once I was called to the front of the line, I had to confirm to the lab tech I was having a miscarriage and that my pregnancy hormones needed to be checked.

After getting my blood drawn, I had to stand in line to check out at their check out desk, which is separate from reception. The staff there wanted to know if I need another appointment. And I said I didn't know and that I was there having labs for a miscarriage per the doctor's order. They wanted to know if I needed more labs. I said I did not know. Then, they wanted to know who I'd seen that day and I said just the lab guy. They couldn't figure out what to do with me so I ended up telling about 4 or 5 different administrators that I was there doing labs for a miscarriage until someone was finally like, "we'll have the doctor call you tomorrow."

At that point, I tried to explain to the staff how upsetting the whole visit had been. It was kind of hard because I was crying and they were looking at me like I was crazy. I was told that the reception staff often does not know why people are at the office that day. However, in my case, I told both receptionists that I was there with a miscarriage. Further, my wait time was not really my sole concern.

I did not get my point across very well but what I was trying to convey was that I felt the office handled my visit in an extremely insensitive fashion. I waited almost an hour and half in a room full of happy couples. I literally saw three couples go in to the treatment areas and come back happy and bouncy with their sonogram pictures. While I understand that an OBGYN's office will have pregnant women and they have every right to be happy, it seems a kindness on the part of the caregiver to provide grieving moms (i.e. those recovering from miscarriages or stillbirths) a quiet place to wait, especially if you plan to keep them waiting an hour and a half.

It also struck me as exceptionally cruel that I had to tell about 7 different people that I was having a miscarriage. At no point, did anyone in the office other than the lab tech who took my blood offer me any expression of sympathy or even ask how I was feeling physically. I'm clear on the fact that an OBGYN is not a therapist but I was appalled at how deeply uncared for I felt during this visit.

Anyway, the upshot of the visit was that I walked in feeling relatively together despite being positive I was miscarrying and I walked out crying and angry. If anyone has had a similar experience? If so, how did they handle it? Can anyone recommend a doctor they know is better in these circumstances? If I get pregnant again, I'm not sure I could face the prospect of having this office treat a potential miscarriage....

Thanks. V

[Anonymous]

I had a similar experience with them when I miscarried. I was just struck by how matter of fact they were, particularly the doctor, about something that was so devastating to me. It contrasted greatly with my first pregnancy in the UK where, after I was given some bad news about my pregnancy, I was taken to a quiet room, asked if I wanted a cup of tea, asked if I wanted to speak to a health care professional, and told to stay in the room as long as I liked until I felt able to leave. The nurses kept popping in to make sure I was fine.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I forgot to add that I am very sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

After going through multiple failed IVF experiences and spending more time in the doctors/RE/OBGYN office than I would like, I've just had to learn to buck up and understand that I am a medical treatment, not a person to these people. They are suposedly in the caring profession, but in the end, it's just a job and not a therapist office.

I'm sorry for your loss and the insensitive treatment you received. Sadly, this is par for the course in the U.S. health care system.

[Anonymous]

This was NOT par for the course for me, ever...and I have gone through three miscarriages, in three different ways.

The first, I was at GIVF in Fairfax for CVS when the US indicated that I had a blighted ovum. Dr. Stern immediately called my OB/Gyn practice and they called me immediately and helped me through the process of making the decision as to what to do next.

The second was a traumatic T18 loss, quite late in gestation. I can't say enough for my practitioners (RE, OB/Gyns)...and how they so kindly and compassionately dealt with me and guided me through the termination of my pregnancy.

Finally, I became spontaneously pregnant just recently...since I am AMA we knew that it was highly likely that my pregnancy was non-viable. Dr. Gordon at Dominion Fertility scheduled me immediately for a viability scan, and when the results indicated my pregnancy was non-viable, he immediately called and informed my OB/Gyn. Again, they immediately called me and started the process of discussing treatment options. I was scheduled for a confirmatory U/S, and then worked with the OB/Gyns to determine a treatment option.

I think if you have had these issues, maybe you ought to find a new practice!

[Anonymous]

Why post this in two forums? I hate cross posts.

[Anonymous]

Wow.. I am so sorry for your experience.

I also had a terrible experience there (but not as bad as yours). I was diagnosed with stage IV endometriosis at 25 and was very scared, didn't know what to do, etc. I was referred to that practice by a physician that I respect immensely so I thought it must be good. While the actual doctor to which I was referred seemed good, everyone else at the practice was horrid. Like you, I waited for hours, everyone was disorganized, they were AWFUL about scheduling the appointment and getting me in there, etc. Then, two weeks later I had another huge cyst and ended up in the hospital. We tried calling the dr multiple times and leaving messages with the nurses line, etc. NO ONE called us back. Not the dr, not a nurse, no one. That was all I needed to reinforce the decision that I needed to find another practice.

[Anonymous]

Sorry about this (all of it). I had a similar experience w/a well-known local practice. I left that practice for a solo-practitioner and never looked back.

[Anonymous]

First, I am very sorry for your loss.

Second, I think you are absolutely justified in feeling angry at this doctor for their treatment of you. FWIW, I left Capital Women's Care during my first pregnancy for some of the same reasons (though I was fortunate and had no issues with that pregnancy). But I just hated their receptionists, hated the manner of the doctors who did not call back when I had questions and seemed to have absolutely no recognition that I was a person and not a chart. I left that practice for Foxhall OBGYN and it was like night and day for me. The receptionists and nurses were friendly and remembered me and the doctors took time to answer my questions questions and return my calls. I know that everyone looks for different things in a doctor and not everyone loves Foxhall but it was much better for me.

Lastly, I have sinced moved from DC and live in an entirely different area of the country but I just went through my own miscarraige and the nurses and receptionists were all very kind about everything. All told me how sorry they were and handled me gingerly throughout the miscarriage process. Please don't hestiate to find another doctor because things will be different elsewhere. And I can name about 10 different friends who have had miscarriages and then gone on to have healthy babies so don't lose heart! Good luck in the future OP and again, I am sorry for your loss and your experience.

[Anonymous]

10:21 -- who gives a shit if you hate cross posts? I hate people who post insensitive, unnecessary comments. Get off the board if you can't behave in a respectful manner. For the OP I am so sorry. I had a friend who had a similar experience with Reiter and Hill. I would seek another practice.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

10:37 - Thanks for your response to 10:21. I cross posted because, honestly, I wasn't sure if my question fit in the expecting moms or fertility issues board as, technically, a miscarriage puts you in neither of those categories. I desperately needed advice so I just put my feelers out in both.

Thank you everyone for your input. I was really wondering if I was being overly sensitive. It makes me feel drastically less crazy that others have had similar experiences at CWC and were similarly upset by it.

I also realized from posts on this forum and others that my actual medical care at CWC might not have been sufficient. The only thing they did was take two blood samples. At no point was a pelvic exam or ultrasound done... and I'm still bleeding well over a week later. I'm somewhat concerned that improper medical care could lead to fertility issues down the road so, based on people's recommendations, I've made an appointment for a pelvic exam at another practice.

Thanks again, everyone, for your support.

[Anonymous]

I am very sorry for your loss, OP. I am a healthcare professional, and it makes me so sad to hear about a patient being treated this way. I feel like printing out this thread and sending it to the CWC office. They need to know how their careless behavior hurts patients.

[Anonymous]

I have had three miscarriages, and while some insensitives did occur, I never had anything near this happen. You are right to be furious. Find another practice and get an u/s ASAP.
I am sorry for your loss, and hope that you will find peace in your future path. There is hope.

[Anonymous]

I'm very sorry for your loss and the treatment you experienced.

I've had 3 miscarriages- all at Reiter & Hill- and definitely experienced this kind of insensitivity from them. The worst was when I found out about my most recent loss at a 14 week sonogram. The sonographer knew about my miscarriage history (at this point, 2 previous in the same year) and knew I was nervous. But when she didn't see a heartbeat she was very cold and her exact words were,"there is no heartbeat, the baby is dead. Looks like it died a few days ago. Better luck next time". Then left the room. When she came back I was of course balling. She looked at me like I was a crazy lady - literally did a double take as if she were saying to herself, I can't believe this woman is crying and then said flippantly, "oh right, ya, I guess these can be hard" then went about her paperwork.

Needless to say we will never be going back to them again for pregnancies. So if you are looking for a more compassionate doctor's office, def don't consider Reiter & Hill. (Not to mention they do not know anything about recurrent pregnancy loss, what to test for or how to treat common problems).

[Anonymous]

PP so sorry for your losses and your experience, but in their defense, recurrent m/c is best treated by an RE then a perinatologist. Most OB's do not have the time or experience to help us deal with this issue medically let alone emotionally. I hope you find the help you need, Dr Gordon at Dominion Fertility is wonderful, he helped me after 2 m/c's and then referred me to a great ob.