what if you really, really don't like your kid's school?

[Anonymous]

Give the school some time. If your son is happy, that's the main thing that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've had a similar experience this year. Parents are very wealthy and many grew up in area so know each other from childhood, college, etc. They live in the same neighborhood or two, belong to the same country club, go to the same social events/benefits, etc. Many of their kids were in the same playgroups and preschools. Everyone is very nice when I talk with them one-on-one but we're clearly the outsiders and are excluded from many birthdays, play dates, etc. Mainly because our kids are all very young and play dates, etc. are almost entirely parent driven. Kid A might say "I want to have kid B over to play" but it is up to the parents to make the call and many times, they simply arrange things with their friends' kids. Or perhaps the kids themselves gravitate to each other because they have lots of exposure to each other outside of school or have grown up together.

No one is purposefully mean or exclusionary (I truly believe this) but I'm sure they simply have limited time and are trying to keep up with current and old friends (i.e. each other). There are definitely other families on the outside as well and we tend to gravitate towards each other. I've met a few very nice moms who obviously are feeling out of place as well. I've also watched a few (new to the school) moms try extremely hard to be included in what is "the in group" of families (by hosting a zillion play dates, hanging around for 30 minutes after every drop-off and pick-up to chat with the more popular moms, etc). It's not my style but to each their own. I've been fortunate enough to have a social community outside of school that we spend our time with so I don't feel a compelling need to be at the center of the school's social scene.

That all said, I will admit that at times it's challenging to feel like a fish out of water at an institution that is so central to our lives. I think it would be far less of an issue if I was a working mom. As a (for the time being) SAHM I have more exposure to the school and am always present during my kids' time after school. So I am more acutely aware of the school's social cliques, etc. than I would be if I worked. And it always stinks to be an "outsider".

This type of thing exists in middle and high school. Pandering to cool parents as well as Queen Bee volunteering can really get out of hand. We are excluded from volunteering - told NO.

Parents in command would not even order school logo attire for a teen DC in DC's sport.

[Anonymous]

OP: I would give it time and do what all those posters suggested for now. But if you find yourself in a situation where you efforts to volunteer and participate are not welcomed, I would wonder whether your child should continue here. It speaks to a cliquish mindset that may influence your child in a way that you don't want. I would also be watching what the children in older grades and their parents are like. In second grade, kids can still be a big, fun group and yes, people are busy, but if parent and kid groups seem to solidify after 4th, this may not be the right place for your child if he don't make some friends in the next few months.

[Anonymous]

doesn't - trying to get kid off to school... mother interruptions