Has your spouse ever lost their jobs? How to stay supportive?

[Anonymous]

This JUST happened to our family, however, it was me who lost job and I am 1st trimester prego so no one at work knew yet. - I am SCARED SILLY ! hubby is calm....(or at least pretending to be). We have no savings. How am I going to get a job while pregnant ?

All i can say is, the fact that my spouse is calm is soooooooooo meaningful. Fake it if you need to - support your spouse, be a team...life takes twists and turns...this too shall pass.
Good luck !

[Anonymous]

Remember those vows, 'for richer or poorer' - well sometimes it goes the poorer route...remember why you got married. have a long talk w. hubby about the equity line - (try not to use) but he probably just likes to know that safety net exists.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you can compromise - let DH take 2-4 weeks off to recharge and mentally deal with his situation, then he agrees to do temp work to bring some income in until your maternity leave ends, then he can stay home with the baby.

[Anonymous]

This just happened to us also, except it's me who lost a job. Fortunately my DH makes more, but both incomes are necessary since we have ridiculously high student loan payments. I have to say that the best thing he has done or could do for me is not to show panic, if he is panicking, and be confident that things will work out (to echo PPs). I am scared enough for both of us. As a sidenote, it is great to hear (in a purely selfish way) that job loss happens to other people all the time. It feels very isolating when it happens to you. So thanks for this thread.

[Anonymous]

My husband lost his job 5 years ago and was out of work for about 2 months. We had savings, plus I was working, and at that time we did not have a child. We have just started trying to have a baby -- we immediately put baby plans on hold until he was employed again. We cut out all unnecessary spending and hunkered down. I made less than half of what I make now and I could just cover our monthly expenses on my salary. My husband requested a performance review before his last day -- his boss readily agreed -- the upshot of that was that we collected 2 bonuses during the layoff.

[Anonymous]

Oh boy, this just happened to us--DH was laid off last Friday with TWO WEEKS severance! He had left a secure job to work for another company and 4 months later he is laid off. I was just about to quit my job, but fortunately had not quit yet so I have to go back to work in 2 weeks rather than being home with my babies . We had saved up about 5 months' of my take home pay, thinking that we would live on DH's pay for the next 4-6 months, and I would find a part time job in the fall or winter, so we are actually ok right now but I am so miserable. I hated my job before and was just looking for a new job when I learned I was pregnant. I am trying to stay positive and supportive but I look at my babies and get teary-eyed. I love being home with them.

I don't blame DH for losing his job, but I am upset he did not see this coming. I am biting my lip and hiding my tears right now because it isn't helpful. I am telling DH not to worry, that if I can't be home with our babies then at least he is (for now--not sure what we'll do when he finds a job b/c I'll be afraid to quit right away). Plus we have some money saved up, and wouldn't have to touch our investments for at least 4-6 months, which gives us. But in this economy, it's scary.

OP, I wish you luck. Things will work out.

[Anonymous]

Whew - I could have written this one myself.... Have been in this situation. OP if you are still out there here is my advice. YOU ARE IN IT TOGETHER....never forget this....and I think its harder for the man than it would be for the woman bc he is EXPECTED by society to work without skipping a beat.

If you have a small nest egg, allow yourselves to chill for a little bit while he looks..make it fun. This too shall pass...maybe you will have to change homes, lifestyles, etc....whatever - futures are not guaranteed. If you have your health and each other and healthy kids...enjoy that, the work will come, even if its sub-par, but hope and plan for the best and DO NOT let this ruin your marriage. I have seen it happen then seen it faced with great regret. When you hear people fight and divorce over $$, this could be one of those situations. Realize that you must be strong...very very strong...pretend if need be. How you channel will affect his job search, his motivation, etc.... I learned this very young - if you want someone to act a certain way - act that way yourself. So if you want your husband to be super motivated, excited....take this job search on as a new challenge for upward mobility...then act like that is the opportunity at hand. Also - give him a little slack time too.... its an ego blow and you dont need to talk about it but it is what it is in our type A driven town.

Best of luck...and go get em tiger !