How do you stop yourself from becoming bitter?

[Anonymous]

The really frustrating thing about conceiving for me was that unlike in so many other areas of my life, putting myself 100% to the task and focusing on it and doing my best just isn't enough to make it work (and can even be counterproductive). That's very difficult to accept yet I did manage to accept that my approach to getting pregnant had to be different from other personal and professional goals. I think it is so important not to define yourself by the infertility struggle--I tried to turn to other hobbies, start some new things during that time. You have to have something to fall back on and you have to be happy with your life in other areas. It's so easy to turn it into "I would be so happy and complete if I had a baby" People think those things not just about children but about finding a spouse, getting into whatever school, getting an offer for a specific job. And the bottom line was that I stopped thinking of getting pregnant as the only path to parenthood--if I really wanted to be a mother, there are ways to do it without being pregnant. I didn't end up having to go that route but I had 3 years of lots of fertility and health issues that made me wonder all the time if I would. You're not alone, OP! Hugs.

[Anonymous]

OP - there is nothing harder than this - exactly because you can't really talk about it (there's literally nothing to talk about) and it doesn't end. I assume you have an RE and are taking steps to conceive. In the meantime, find another outlet. I started a blog on a topic totally outside TTC, and learned new skills. I knew inside that it was all just a way to avoid being sad about not conceiving, but it did help and it gave me another topic of conversation with friends. And, just focus on the next step in your treatment. It all takes so very long, but just one step at a time. I hope it works out for you! It did for me, finally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - there is nothing harder than this - exactly because you can't really talk about it (there's literally nothing to talk about) and it doesn't end. I assume you have an RE and are taking steps to conceive. In the meantime, find another outlet. I started a blog on a topic totally outside TTC, and learned new skills. I knew inside that it was all just a way to avoid being sad about not conceiving, but it did help and it gave me another topic of conversation with friends. And, just focus on the next step in your treatment. It all takes so very long, but just one step at a time. I hope it works out for you! It did for me, finally.

..."because you can't really talk about it" is so true. I'm also trying to fight the bitterness. I've just closed myself off to my friends...who I miss and love. But I they don't know what to say...and it makes for a hard conversation. So I haven't called them. Infertility is a hard pill to swallow. It's disbelief and sadness mixed together. In reading all these posts, I know we're not alone. You could be the person at the grocery store or driving in the car next to me. I'll never meet you...but I feel your sorrow in my heart...and I'm crying with you. I hope you find something to make you smile today. I loved everyone's posts to think positively. I'm also trying that...and I'm still hoping...even though I'm tired and scared of hope. Because it has let me down so many times. I'm still hopeful....for something. Lots of hugs going out to all of you...I'm thinking of you.

[Anonymous]

IF just sucks but we'll all get through it.

[Anonymous]

i felt very bitter. still do when i think about it. you're not alone.