Can a child be super bonded to SAHM even if she is a bad mom?

[Anonymous]

Golly, folks, I really, really, really think it's okay to be judgemental -- of ourselves and of others. That's how we figure out what our own values are, after all. Now, approaching someone else about this is another, more sensitive issue.

But, really, this is just an anonymous post, with no names attached even to the subjects of discussion... I don't see any harm done. Certainly no-one here would condone or promote substandard parenting or caregiving behaviors, even if on occasion we find ourselves engaging in them.

Right?

[Anonymous]

Responding to an OP to say stop being judgmental is judging that poster. Hypocritical and doesn't add to the discussion.

[Anonymous]

Whoa... NEVER said she was abusive. Holy cr*p. What I did say is that she can be disengaged with her two boys.

I included SAHM in the title because I wonder if her bond with the baby isn't simply a symptom of how much time they spend together, day in and day out.

I am concerned. Plain and simple. So as for MYOB, is that not the function of an anonymous site? I am reviewing this with nameless beings - not my sister.

Lastly, I am simply trying to calibrate my internal feelings. Her boys are amazing and like I said, her own husband thinks she is a good mom so therefore, I WAS JUST WONDERING.

[Anonymous]

OP: Are you a parent yourself? I ask because this influences how you see your SIL with regard to her mothering and your perspective.

[Anonymous]

OP- yes, I am a parent. This is my sister I am wondering about... not my SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

FBFNFTM wrote:I wonder what the sister is saying about OP's parenting skills...

Who are you?! Did you join DCUM simply to be nasty? This is the second thread I've read where you've had nothing nice to say. Didn't you mother teach you the golden rule?

FBFNFTM posted a completely reasonable response, given the judgmental nature of the OP. It was slightly snarky, but rather appropriate. At least she has the balls to put a face (albeit a cartoon one) behind her comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children love their caregivers, even abusive ones - although it sounds as if that mother is not abusive at all.

1. Regularly model "good" parenting behavior in front of her and hope that she understands.
2. Help her organize physical and mental outlets for herself such as exercise, volunteering, etc.

But realize the above can be construed as meddling...

[Anonymous]

OP, you said being home is really rough on her. I think that can really affect your parenting. I stayed home for a while because we were living somewhere where i couldn't work. I hated it. I am a much better parent now that I'm working. I didn't want to be home, so I had a hard time engaging. We aren't all cut out for that life.

My kids were bonded to me. In fact, they wish I still stayed home even though our time together is much better now. I don;t know what's behind it, but they still bond to mommy no matter what, I think.

I do have to wonder why she SAH when it sounds like she doesn't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worry about my sister's parenting skills with my two nephews. I can't quite put my finger on it but the things she does worries me ... she's too impatient with them, she yells too loudly & too often, she is on the computer too long, she rarely plays with them, things like that. However, her youngest child (13 months old) is SUPER bonded to her. He only lets my sister and my BIL hold him, and if he is tired or cranky, then it is just her. What is your take on this?

New poster here. My take on this is that you don't seem to have any specific reason to criticize your sister's parenting skills. You sound bored and miserable.

[Anonymous]

FBFNFTM wrote:I wonder what the sister is saying about OP's parenting skills...

Seriously.... Why are you ALWAYS a bitch on here???????? Wonder what people say about YOUR parenting skills!!!

[Anonymous]

"New poster here. My take on this is that you don't seem to have any specific reason to criticize your sister's parenting skills. You sound bored and miserable. "

Ditto.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a sahm to three boys. I can't sit and engage with the kids 14 hours straight. I'd shoot myself. It can be boring and not very fun to watch little kids all day. The computer allows me to get in touch with other grown-ups, I can research things I need to learn about (drs, recipes, home improvements just to name a few). And with three small boys by the end of the day I am also short tempered, the kids argue, fight, wont listen... It is not a glamorous job and it is certainly not being abusive.

Some days are better for me and we are all doing fun stuff together and it's a blast. Other days not so much. To make it more difficult I am struggling with a thyroid problem and my middle has ADHD. Have you considered your sister may have PPD or something medical going on? And yes, my 18 month old clings to me like I am his only love, so of course children can be super bonded to a PARENT, doesnt have to be exclusive to a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

I was one of those moms. I thought I wanted to be a SAHM -I thought I SHOULD be a SAHM- only to discover that I was terrible at it. What I really needed (and got) was encouragement from my DH to go back to work, and that I was not a failure as a mother (I just wasn't cut out to SAH). It was the best decision I ever made -- once I met my own personal needs, I was better able to meet by children's needs and became a better mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

FBFNFTM wrote:I wonder what the sister is saying about OP's parenting skills...

Seriously.... Why are you ALWAYS a bitch on here???????? Wonder what people say about YOUR parenting skills!!!

At least she posts with a name not a cowardly anonymous poster like you! Woot.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I would off myself if I had to stay home w/ kids all day long. I'm just sayin'.