How do you make right with your kid after you've screwed up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to pile on the OP because I think parenting is insanely hard and it's amazing people don't hit (bite? not so sure...) their kids more often, but tickling can be aggressive even if the kid is laughing. And you definitely don't want to go past the point where they are having fun. If he is giving you signals to stop, then stop immediately. Don't make him pull your hair.

Tickling is a form of torture, in my opinion. When I was little, my brother used to tickle me so long (when parents weren't around) that I would be screaming for him to stop and he finally stopped when I accidentally hit him in a spot where he saw stars. After that he knew I could protect myself and stopped.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, I'm not going to try to make you feel better. I find this absolutely abhorrent. I have been tested beyond the limits of what I thought I could endure in the patience department after having children, but biting your kid is so far outside the bounds of acceptable. This isn't about apologizing and making things right with your kid. This is about looking at yourself in the mirror and figuring out what in god's name made you do that. It's sickening. You posted this on a public website so don't go blasting me for calling you like I see it - a terrible parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but a parent biting a child is something that Child Protection Services might investigate if someone called -- even if a reflexive response to a child inflicting pain is understandable.
I feel for OP, but that's the objective reality.

I agree with this, unfortunately. I have really sensitive nipples (sorry if TMI) and there have been times when my baby has grabbed on to them through my shirt and pulled with all his might. I have to 'fess up that my first instinctive reaction is to throw him off me, so I understand the reaction, but biting seems like a very odd first response, rather than shoving a child out of the way.

[Anonymous]

Pushing a child who hurt you is reflexive. Biting? Forget it, you get not one ounce of sympathy from me. That doesn't even make sense. What are you, a rabid dog or someone's mother?

[Anonymous]

Talk to him, honestly. Say that when he pulled your hair like that it hurt, and you bit him without thinking and you shouldn't have.

Then you hug and make up and move on.

[Anonymous]

I think you can just move on. Every parents makes mistakes.

But I do have to agree, biting is not the reaction I would expect. Smacking him or grabbing his hand would have seemed more likely...

[Anonymous]

OP here. Reading some of these posts has been like wearing a Silas style punishment belt. I have felt horrible all day so to those of you who have offered kind words, I am very, very grateful. And to clarify, I bit him because his arm was across my face (as I mentioned, we were wrestling) and my arms were sort of pinned under his arms. I reacted without thought. Horrifying and inexcusable, but the honest truth.

I also wanted to thank those who pointed out how terrible tickling can be... after he got up from his nap, I asked him point blank if he liked being tickled and he said no. Lesson learned.

And to Ms. Sensitive Nipples, my bf'ed children have chomped down on mine on more than one occation, even to the point of drawing blood and needing an antibiotic cream. I never bit them back, hit them or threw them.

[Anonymous]

If I had a dollar for every time I was in pain about some horrible mistake I made with my child...

You learn from this, you don't repeat this, you talk to your child so he understands how wrong you were.

And you don't listen to half the people on DCUM because they have no face or form. They could be body snatchers for all you know. Listen to real live people, not the phantoms on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Relax....you made a mistake. DO't be so hard on yourself you realize it was wrong, said sorry, now move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Reading some of these posts has been like wearing a Silas style punishment belt. I have felt horrible all day so to those of you who have offered kind words, I am very, very grateful. And to clarify, I bit him because his arm was across my face (as I mentioned, we were wrestling) and my arms were sort of pinned under his arms. I reacted without thought. Horrifying and inexcusable, but the honest truth.

I also wanted to thank those who pointed out how terrible tickling can be... after he got up from his nap, I asked him point blank if he liked being tickled and he said no. Lesson learned.

And to Ms. Sensitive Nipples, my bf'ed children have chomped down on mine on more than one occation, even to the point of drawing blood and needing an antibiotic cream. I never bit them back, hit them or threw them.

I'm Ms. Sensitive Nipples (not sure if you were being snarky or not- I was trying to offer support, perhaps in a roundabout way- I exclusively pump and my nipples are very beaten up from being hooked up to a pump 12 times a day) and if you had included the bit about his arm being across your face, that would've made a lot more sense. I had a picture of you randomly grabbing his arm to bite it.

[Anonymous]

^^ Don't apologize to her. She doesn't deserve anyone's sympathy and it doesn't matter where his arm was. SHE BIT HER CHILD. No amount of justification is going to make that right.

[Anonymous]

Don't bother with the rude PPs, OP.

I got the impression from the OP that you're already feeling pretty bad about this.

My DD is only 3 and there are numerous incidents that I am not particularly proud of. We ALL make mistakes.

You apologized and now you can move on. Don't feel too bad about what happened. Your child will be fine.

[Anonymous]

As an aside, I don't think this is an Off-Topic thread at all! Definitely General Parenting.

I think we all want to know (at some point or another) how to do right by our kids after we've made a mistake.

I have a horrible relationship with my parents, and I know my mom and I would get along so much better if she asked herself this question.

[Anonymous]

OP I feel both ways about this - anyone can make a mistake. But this is pretty bad. I wonder if maybe you should go to one of those PEP classes?

[Anonymous]

NP here. OP, yes, you learn from mistakes and move forward. Despite the pummeling you are taking from some folks here, your post has also done a lot of unintended good. My kids are older than yours (8 and 5), and tonight your post inspired me to ask my 8 year old how I am a good parent and how I am not a good parent. I started thinking about how can you make up for things and the importance of communication (well, and there was an assist from the Older Kids forum post about someone at her wit's end with a 13 year old, but you were the prime inspiration). Her answers were very helpful and also gave her the strength to tell me about one thing I said that hurt her feelings within the last two weeks. She has a hard time expressing her feelings, so it was a major breakthrough for her to be able to do that.

I am getting help from you, you will learn from and get help from this, and we will all end today a little wiser and smarter. Parenting is not about always having the right answers. It is about asking the right questions and learning as you go. Good luck to you, OP.