SAHM pregnant with twins - DH wants a divorce....what to do?

[Anonymous]

21:57 She shouldn't be concerned for her finances so much? I was a SAHM with a one-year-old when my now ex started threatening to leave and that's all I could think about. I wanted to move back to my parents, but my ex would not let me relocate. It is not irrational to feel powerless in a situation like this. She is pregnant with twins! You are putting a crazy burden on her -- work hard! maintain power over herself! -- when she's at her most vulnerable. Plus lawyers are insanely expensive, what she needs most right now, legal advice, costs a bundle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husbands job is very low paying - we just get by with my staying home. We decided it was the best move for the kid(s) when they were little. With his salary, my alimony/child support would still be VERY low. I have calculated the costs of daycare for all three, and my salary alone would barely cover it, if at all. Even with his support, I could not keep our house (which is a modest to low mortgage of 1500/month). Plus, if I leave, then all three kids go straight to daycare, which I wanted to avoid. Did anyone stay till the kids hit school age?

We don't have much money or assets, no debt or outstanding balances and great credit. As much as he is a dick right now, he is responsible with money. He has offered all money and assets to me. That is when he talks about leaving.

So frustrating and it is Thanksgiving today!

OP I wish you the best and I hope there is a way you can keep your house because renting a 2-BR apt will probably cost you more than your present house payment. Whatever happens, I wish you well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, my sense is you can't take your name off joint accounts without the other person signing documentation. So ...

You can close any joint account without the other person knowing purely for situations like this. To keep the account open and have just one persons name on it you'd need both people to sign. I learned this when I wanted to add my fiance to my account, but I needed to remove my dad first. I lived hours away from him at that point so I just closed the account and opened a new one.

[Anonymous]

You will get child support for all 3 of your babies. Your low income means you will probably also qualify for reduced cost daycare. You may also get alimony. Not the best of worlds, but you will be able to get by.

Start researching now places to live so you get an idea of costs. Maybe you can't keep your house, but could you get an apartment somewhere farther out? Closer to wherever you are originally from? Do you have equity in your home? 50% of that equity is yours . . .

[Anonymous]

Of course OP will get child support. But how do you know she will be able to get by? This is DCUM at its worst, someone feeding a very vulnerable OP uninformed information. You are in no position to make such statements, 8:35.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thank you all for your helpful replies. I do have family that can help if need be. I have my own credit card and checking account that is not joint.

Has anyone's husband just freaked out over all these new changes, but come back to reality?

[Anonymous]

Freaking out over all the responsibility is a whole different issue and definitely possible. Is he open to talking about this at all or is ge totally shut down? Perhaps he wants you to go back to work because if the financial burden of the kids, but is terrified to ask? I know that would suck, especially if you both generally agree that having a sah parent is best for your kids. But maybe the financial realities seem overwhelming to him now. I'd freak out, too. But I'm the type who freaks out first and then develops a plan. Is your husband?

In any event, op, protect your financial health while you continue to work on your marriage health. Good luck with everything.

[Anonymous]

OP,
Are you two talking?
Would counseling help?

[Anonymous]

I have offered to go back to work, but with three kids, my salary would just cover the child care. I had plans to go back to graduate school, but we postponed them to have another child. I still plan on going back to school to get a higher paying job. We just did not anticipate TWO more children. I planned on going to school while my oldest was in school and pay child care for the youngest. Now, having twins has pushed back me going back to school. Perhaps this is what has been worrying him?

[Anonymous]

OP, what about welfare where you live? It really is for people in emergencies, like you.

Also, keep a PAPER diary (not electronic) and document everything, as another poster said. Also do you think he could be having an affair?

[Anonymous]

OP,
Even if he is freaking out, this is an extreme, never mind torturous, way to behave.
Are you two talking deeply about any of this?

[Anonymous]

I hope the gabriel project can help you with the care of your children. http://www.adw.org/service/pregnant_help.asp

[Anonymous]

Get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a job.

Have you even *read* OP's posts? She has a young child and is 4 months pregnant with TWINS. Stating that she should "get a job" is both unhelpful and mean.

OP - my heart goes out to you. I think if you can, try to start putting aside some money in your own account. See if you can borrow some money from family and consult with an attorney to figure out what your real options are.

And good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

You can't get a 'load' of alimony or support from someone who makes a low income. Been there, done that with countless friends who have deadbeat dads for ex husbands.

reach out to your network....family, church, friends. You need to start formulating a clear plan. And yes, first person to talk to is a LAWYER.