Any advice for dealing with racist comments?

[Anonymous]

Kids reflect a lot of their parents prejudices and those know no color. I know as one of 2 white kids growing up out West that kids can say some awful things. We are Muslim and I had a child tell my dd that she was with the devil. What frustrated me was that they only told her to apologize, but did not discuss why her words were problematic. I had to be the one to say your words represent a predjudice. All I can say is that the only time I have seen race really dealt with is when it is called out into the open and it is uncomfortable but important step. It will help your child and the other children in this class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First let me say that I am a current parent at xxxx and yes I am yyyy. My child has been there for the past 5 years and we absolutely love it. This is the first year at xxxx that I have had to speak about race. Race was never a major issue at the school before this year. All parents have always been able to work out any problem that our kids faced. We have a strong parent support system that you may not be aware of because you are new to the area.
The administration is extremely supportive and would work diligently to resolve the situation. However, in that same class, the same yyyy student has been wrongfully accusing students of all types of abuse verbally and physcially. Once the allegations have been investigated, it was proven to be false. This student is the common denominator in all the reported allegations. Though I understand it is hard being the new kid on the block, xxxx students have always embraced all fellow classmates regardless of race and religion. Maybe there is another underlying issue that needs to be resolved with your child (ie, moving, new school).
You also stated that the reason for the your child is being targeted is because she is the brightess student in the class, which test scores have revealed she is not!
Furthermore, these same students have been in class with other races of students throught their years at xxxx and this has never been an issue. So my advice to you would be to use the school directory and talk to the parents of the student your child is having problems with and see what the real issues are instead of going on dcurbanmom and projecting a situation that is may not be reality.

anonymous reply. Regardless of whether the child referred to in the above post is the subject of this thread, the above post is very disturbing for numerous reasons. I will point out the most salient in the hope that the above post writer reads this and gets some schooling. First, learn to spell. Second, if this is the first year that you have had to speak about race at your school you obviously are not well suited for dealing with race related issues among children. Race may not have been an issue before with the children in this class, but it is now and you need to get up to speed. If you enrolled your child in this school to be part of a racial majority so as to avoid these kinds of issues, it makes sense that you are relishing your majority status and do not want it challenged, and that is just sad. Need I highlight that you made a point of identifying yourself as yyyy? Third, regardless of the race, behavior or intellect of the child in question, if you are yyyy you know what it means to be isolated, harassed and discriminated against and you have no excuse for promoting further abuse of this girl by implying that she is asking for it. Fourth, When an entire classroom of children isolate and target one child, that is a REAL ISSUE and for this family it is obviously a harsh and painful REALITY. If you are choosing to deal with this issue by finding fault in this little girl rather than educating your own children about how to befriend her, then God help you, your children and your school. Fifth, you appear to have some sort of access to student test scores. I pray for a school where an employee, parent or administrator uses a child's test scores in this way - to PROVE that any child is NOT THE BRIGHTEST. And finally, you are demonstrating the very behavior that the children in the class are doing. One has to wonder what kind of hate and bullying goes on in your home and passes for righteousness and superiority over others. Very sad. Very sad.

[Anonymous]

I think we should all stay out of this. We can't possibly know the full scope of the story. There is obviously much more going on. Let this be a reminder to think carefully about how information is posted on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First let me say that I am a current parent at xxxx and yes I am yyyy. My child has been there for the past 5 years and we absolutely love it. This is the first year at xxxx that I have had to speak about race. Race was never a major issue at the school before this year. All parents have always been able to work out any problem that our kids faced. We have a strong parent support system that you may not be aware of because you are new to the area.
The administration is extremely supportive and would work diligently to resolve the situation. However, in that same class, the same yyyy student has been wrongfully accusing students of all types of abuse verbally and physcially. Once the allegations have been investigated, it was proven to be false. This student is the common denominator in all the reported allegations. Though I understand it is hard being the new kid on the block, xxxx students have always embraced all fellow classmates regardless of race and religion. Maybe there is another underlying issue that needs to be resolved with your child (ie, moving, new school).
You also stated that the reason for the your child is being targeted is because she is the brightess student in the class, which test scores have revealed she is not!
Furthermore, these same students have been in class with other races of students throught their years at xxxx and this has never been an issue. So my advice to you would be to use the school directory and talk to the parents of the student your child is having problems with and see what the real issues are instead of going on dcurbanmom and projecting a situation that is may not be reality.

I think we all know well how it feels to at one point be targeted, rejected or harassed because of our race, religion or anything as crazy as our hair color. And whats worse then the kids who are doing the harassing is those of whom are behind the kids defending what their doing. Its ignorant and makes me a little sick. Its easy to do the defending when your not the one who is being tormented. As for saying that this girl is not the brightest, I am simply abashed that you would be attacking a little girls intelligence. It doesn't speak volumes for your own common sense. There is a serious problem here and as a mother I think you could pull your head out of your ass long enough to see that this women is trying to do whats best for her family. Maybe you should work on improving your tolerance level and the kids will as well.

[Anonymous]

I think we all know well how it feels to at one point be targeted, rejected or harassed because of our race, religion or anything as crazy as our hair color. And whats worse then the kids who are doing the harassing is those of whom are behind the kids defending what their doing. Its ignorant and makes me a little sick. Its easy to do the defending when your not the one who is being tormented. As for saying that this girl is not the brightest, I am simply abashed that you would be attacking a little girls intelligence. It doesn't speak volumes for your own common sense. There is a serious problem here and as a mother I think you could pull your head out of your ass long enough to see that this women is trying to do whats best for her family. Maybe you should work on improving your tolerance level and the kids will as well.

Yes, I also agree with you completely as well. You also have demonstrated strength, caring, empathy, and compassion. Please continue being an individual who is not afraid to stand up and demand just treament for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Please, let us all remember that we are discussing a little girl and her legitimate difficulties at school. The parent who believes she knows what this exact situation involves (posting at 11/19/2010 18:24) is way, way out of line and should be ashamed.

[Anonymous]

Please, let us all remember that we are discussing a little girl and her legitimate difficulties at school. The parent who believes she knows what this exact situation involves (posting at 11/19/2010 18:24) is way, way out of line and should be ashamed.

Ashamed of what? Nothing has been verified by the staffers at the school. The parent has yet to properly investigate. Also, she/he is making accusations solely on the comments of HER CHILD! Until the investigations have been completed, she is wrong for possible false accusations.

[Anonymous]

I am a parent, and my child is in the above mentioned classroom. I think that the problem here is that the parent is allowing the child to become a victim. I have a been a parent at xxxx for the past five years and I have never encountered anything like this.

The kids there are taught to embrace everyone. To come to a forum and make this a race issue is out of line and also to jump on the case of someone who is passionate about the reputation of our school is also out of line.

My daughter is in this class and we have had discussions about this child and how she is allowed to act as she pleases with no reprimand from the teacher. When she is reprimanded she throws a tantrum and the teacher backs off of her case. THIS is the issue.

The issue is not that your child is yyyy. The issue is that your child acts like a brat and she gets her way. You said that your child was the only child allowed recess while the rest of the class got in - please explain to me how this is fair. I am sure that your child was not the only child that was behaving.

In my opinion, the teacher is helping your child be ostracized. Why would he think that this was okay?

The students at xxxx are not dumb and they can form their own opinions and they know exactly what is going on.

Please don't use this forum to call my child a racist, which is what you are doing, when you have not tried to resolve this issue in house. I have not been contacted regarding this matter which means that you have not tried to contact me.

We should all think before we speak in public forums such as these...your accusations are serious ones, especially when you are talking about someone's xxx year old.

I wonder how you would feel if someone called your child a racist.

[Anonymous]

Race may not have been an issue before with the children in this class, but it is now and you need to get up to speed.

Since racism is now an issue, it is evident it is coming in from the new parents and/or students.

[Anonymous]

Third, regardless of the race, behavior or intellect of the child in question, if you are yyyy you know what it means to be isolated, harassed and discriminated against and you have no excuse for promoting further abuse of this girl by implying that she is asking for it.

My spelling may not be perfect but not once did I imply this student was asking for it. Instead of focusing on my spelling, focus on what was written and your comprehension skills.

[Anonymous]

The issue is not that your child is yyyy. The issue is that your child acts like a brat and she gets her way. You said that your child was the only child allowed recess while the rest of the class got in - please explain to me how this is fair. I am sure that your child was not the only child that was behaving.

The OP was looking for advice anonymously on a message board, and never named the school. For some reason you have decided to make this personal, and have done everything but post the child's name and photograph here. How do you have so much information about this child and this situation? Who is providing it to you? How are you helping the situation and what are you teaching your child?

Lastly, why do you feel the need to shame this x-year-old child and her parent on this board? What is in it for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The issue is not that your child is yyyy. The issue is that your child acts like a brat and she gets her way. You said that your child was the only child allowed recess while the rest of the class got in - please explain to me how this is fair. I am sure that your child was not the only child that was behaving.

The OP was looking for advice anonymously on a message board, and never named the school. For some reason you have decided to make this personal, and have done everything but post the child's name and photograph here. How do you have so much information about this child and this situation? Who is providing it to you? How are you helping the situation and what are you teaching your child?

Lastly, why do you feel the need to shame this 8-year-old child and her parent on this board? What is in it for you?

I have so much information on this subject because, like I said, my daughter is in this class, so my daughter is one of the accused. I am not trying to shame anyone, actually, it seems to me that the OP is trying to shame the rest of the class. There were a lot of things said about the children in the class.

Like you said, the parent was looking for advice/opinions and I gave mine. I was not the first to name the school, but I do know what is going on in the class.

If the OP only wanted opinions that only agreed with hers, she should have stated so.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. This is ugly. And the administrative lack of response sounds nightmarish.

If I were inbounds for this school I would be looking at other options. It's probably too late for the OP to find anything better charter or OOB, but maybe there's a private option that is still open.

SO sorry, OP! I hope you can escape before the year is out, but if not it is only one year and a big growth experience. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

If the OP only wanted opinions that only agreed with hers, she should have stated so.

Your OPINION is based on what? On your child's version of events? Why do you make a point to engage in name calling?

The issue is not that your child is yyyy. The issue is that your child acts like a brat and she gets her way. You said that your child was the only child allowed recess while the rest of the class got in - please explain to me how this is fair. I am sure that your child was not the only child that was behaving.

This statement makes me think that you agree with the children in the class that this little girl is getting preferential treatment because she is yyyy. Am I misreading you here?

[Anonymous]

as an outsider on this post, since it is only November, I am hoping somehow this ship can get back on course. If I was OP I would ask for a meeting with the teacher and the principal. My child is not yet the age of the children in question, but in all my school years I can't think of a scenario where only one child got recess or of a scenario where that would have been even a remotely appropriate response to a classroom issue. I wouldn't want my child to be the child who got to have recess if recess was withheld from the rest of the class, and I would really want to gain from the child's teacher what the teacher thought was going on, how the teacher planned to manage it, and why the teacher thought that the recess-for-one technique (or other approaches that seems to be being employed here) would help solve the problem. It is a natural human tendency to generalize and try to make sense of a situation -- and it seems that is where some of the thoughts of kids in the classroom are going by focusing on OP's daughter's race. I think this is where the discussion begins -- and that the school should takes steps to address this ASAP with some community building activities at the school level and at the classroom and grade-level. I think whatever is happening in the classroom that the principal should work with the teacher to provide tools for the teacher to rely on to manage the classroom without ostracizing a single student. I think it is time to discuss race -- maybe even bring in an outside speaker or group to work with the school. It might be too late, but I hope not -- and it might make sense for OP to try to schedule playdates with kids from the class -- yes -- even those who have said things that hurt your child's feelings and even playdates with those from OOB. I hope families of kid in the class would still be open to it -- being a new kid in any situation is hard. familiarity increases liking. I think/hope OP's point in mentioning the OOB was that it was harder to arrange playdates or have the child develop out of school friendships naturally. Good luck to OP and the other posters with kids in the class. I think i would feel awful if my child was ostracized or made to feel bad because of her race -- and I think I would feel awful if my child was accused of being racist for trying to make sense of something that seemed unfair -- either way, i think I as a parent would put together a plan a, plan b, and plan c for trying to resolve the issues. I don't think this gets easier notw -- but hopefully it gets harder and then better.