Has your life turned out the way you thought it would? Are you happy?

[Anonymous]

Much better than I could ever imagine!!!!!

I married a guy who I love to pieces - this comes first because I always thought I would never love anybody this much. And I feel loved like never before. It gets better by the day and I never thought it was possible.

Professionally I'm not quite where I thought I would be but I like the turn my life has taken. I start in one industry and changed careers later on due to financial circumstances so it's different than what I had pictured but I'm very happy with my choice.

Spiritually I'm not happy but I'd say I'm comfortable. I was always very active in our local church and right now I'm barely making it in time for the service once a week so I feel like I should get more involved but life is so hectic right now and unfortunately this part of my life has been put in hold. Shame on me, I know, God but you know my heart... Forgive me for my selfishness...

[Anonymous]

I'm not unhappy, but am I happy? I don't know. The posts here really resonated with me and they've given me some food for thought. I guess it's about my (naive) expectations versus real-life.

I recently turned 40 and some things are great - a houseful of kids, financial security (a far far far cry from wealth, but we are comfortable enough all things considered), good health. Some things are not - my stupid job for one, which I am committed to until (a) the student loan is paid off in 2011 or (b) my writing career is launched when my book is published. Well, first I have to finish said book. Our house is too small (we literally have twice as many people as bedrooms). My marriage is nothing special.

And herein lies the problem. Plans/goals/dreams but lack of execution, because life gets in the way in the form of paying the bills, doing the laundry, chauffeuring kids, making lunches and dinners, bathtime, etc., etc., etc.

Have you heard the phrase it's not about having what you want, but wanting what you have? I still don't know if that is really just settling. Or I guess I don't know if settling is enough. But when things could be so much worse, how I can justify this general dissatisfaction?

Turning 40 really was hard for me. I feel for you.

[Anonymous]

sorry, hit submit too soon...

Kidswise my life also took I turn I would never expect. I was diagnosed with an illness during my teens and every doc said I would not be able to get pregnant so adoption was my expectation for building our family. Today, without even trying I'm expecting DC# 1.

sorry for the typos.

[Anonymous]

09:50 here that was to continue my 09:47 post.

[Anonymous]

At the moment, no. Never thought we'd be living with my ILs (in their house, not ours) and I'm very unhappy about it. The thing that is especially discouraging is the fact that I don't see us moving out anytime soon. FIL will be teaching in Italy next academic year and has asked us to stay through next year so MIL won't be alone. Meanwhile, I just want to crawl under a rock and disappear, I'm SO sick of not having my own space!!!!

[Anonymous]

I am happy, not sure life turned out like I thought. Can't really recall what I though in my teens. I was unsure about kids and now I have them. I thought if I did have kids, I would be a working mom, and I am. I think I thought careers were this big exciting thing and while I like my work, most of all us working professional jobs do our fair share of sitting in meetings zoning out and making mental meal plans and grocery lists and to do lists....so not every day is uber exciting.

I think I would get a kick out of the fact that I work in a city and commute by public transportation (metro). So different than how I grew up in a smaller town where my mom stayed home and my dad worked. I think I would be surprised with how much I depend on my parents. Now that I'm a WM I really rely on them. I grew up a few hours away from here, and my parents retired not far from us and we see them all the time and they help out so much. I'm probably more tired than I thought I would be, but otherwise I think I'm doing okay.

[Anonymous]

Much better than I expected, even a decade ago. Nothing at all what I thought it would be in early adulthood. And that's a good thing.

Amazing what exceeding low expectations will do for your mental well-being.

[Anonymous]

I was happier when I was single, with no kids. I felt more fulfilled, happier from day to day, more optimistic.

In many ways, I think we humans are like lemmings in our behavior and choices. The drive to reproduce is very strong.

[Anonymous]

I'm struggling with the idea that I SHOULD be happy but I'm not. I have wonderful kids, a good husband, we are not rich but we we are well off, two high income salaries but flexibile non crazy work schedules. nice house, and we are in normal shape/weight. There are moments when I am outside with the kids and just very happy and thankful but most times I am just overwhelmed with how much I need to do and sad that I can't enjoy things more often. Work, commute, house is a mess, kids birthday parties or playdates to get to, errands to run, and I never seem to be on top of things. I am normal weight and look good but I have no time to exercise. I started back running but then caught a bad cold from the kids and that went out the window for a few weeks. Now, I have not gotten back to it.

I keep thinking that if I could just get a burst of energy and organize it all then I would be able to sit back and enjoy things more. As soon as I accomplish something big at work, obviously something else rolls in the door. At home, I will sometimes stay up all night and do a huge clutter purse and clean up but then within a week DH and the kids have trashed everything. I really hate DH for this because whenever I get a little ahead he dumps something there. I have given up all of my prior interests before I was married. I can't see a time when I would ever regain these as I have no time and it just feels gone.

[Anonymous]

I did not have any set plan or expectations. My children (toddlers) have brought me more joy than I could ever have imagined! I wish I could say the same about my husband. I love him but feel less in love with him. Even though I'm less than content with my marriage, I am hopeful we can work through this rough spot (Anyone know a good counselor??? Seriously.) I do have a zillion things to be grateful for and happy about: healthy children, great family, some amazing friends, no financial worries, fulfulling part-time career, my health and fitness, etc. I intentionally choose to be mindful of all the good in my world - and try to be optimistic I can improve the areas of my life I am less than satisfied with.

[Anonymous]

I think I expected to have a more interesting life--travel, creativity, and a great career in some difference-making but financially lucrative field, but also that I would have lots of man drama and heartbreak and maybe never find the right one. Think sex and the city girls before they all got happy and settled. What I have is the exact opposite--a humdrum career, an average house, and a pair of Dansko clogs . Also a really wonderful, passionate, stable marriage with the best guy in the world and a beautiful sweet baby. I am happy, definitely, but I still wish I could have had both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I expected to have a more interesting life--travel, creativity, and a great career in some difference-making but financially lucrative field, but also that I would have lots of man drama and heartbreak and maybe never find the right one. Think sex and the city girls before they all got happy and settled. What I have is the exact opposite--a humdrum career, an average house, and a pair of Dansko clogs . Also a really wonderful, passionate, stable marriage with the best guy in the world and a beautiful sweet baby. I am happy, definitely, but I still wish I could have had both.

ha! this is me exactly, down to the Dansko's.
Somehow I hit 36 and ended up in the "American dream" life of 3 kids, nice house, financial security, no health problems, etc. I SAH in NW DC and am surrounded by interesting people and have a rich network of friends. But I'm also struggling tremendously with anxiety and spend a good deal of life feeling inwardly miserable.

[Anonymous]

No.

No college degree, thought being a well paid professional would be hard. I'm doing very well, wtih college grads working for me.

I thought I would have been a SAHM (as my mom was). I tried it for a year and a half and found I was happier with a good work/life balance.

I thought I wanted 3 children, but am happy with 2.

My relationship with my DH has gotten back to happy as the kids have gotten older and we have been able to reconnect on a physical level ,which has lead to a much happier marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm struggling with the idea that I SHOULD be happy but I'm not. I have wonderful kids, a good husband, we are not rich but we we are well off, two high income salaries but flexibile non crazy work schedules. nice house, and we are in normal shape/weight. There are moments when I am outside with the kids and just very happy and thankful but most times I am just overwhelmed with how much I need to do and sad that I can't enjoy things more often. Work, commute, house is a mess, kids birthday parties or playdates to get to, errands to run, and I never seem to be on top of things. I am normal weight and look good but I have no time to exercise. I started back running but then caught a bad cold from the kids and that went out the window for a few weeks. Now, I have not gotten back to it.

I keep thinking that if I could just get a burst of energy and organize it all then I would be able to sit back and enjoy things more. As soon as I accomplish something big at work, obviously something else rolls in the door. At home, I will sometimes stay up all night and do a huge clutter purse and clean up but then within a week DH and the kids have trashed everything. I really hate DH for this because whenever I get a little ahead he dumps something there. I have given up all of my prior interests before I was married. I can't see a time when I would ever regain these as I have no time and it just feels gone.

Ahh...how I relate to this -- my life. I SHOULD be happy -- my husband always says that we have a wonderful life and we do, but still I'm never satisfied. I thought I was depressed for a little while, but I'm not ... I'm just overwhelmed with how fast the time is flying by. My life now is a routine, I've always been a free spirit, but no more. I work on my happiness every day -- because I do not have a reason to be unhappy, just need to get over all this little things that get in a way.

[Anonymous]

Nope -- I thought I'd be living the life of the Sex and the City gals lol. I had sworn off marriage after witnessing my parent's crappy relationship and I never liked children that much so kids weren't in my plans either. Instead I figured I'd be a high-powered exec with a huge window office by the time I hit 30.

Don't get me wrong, I'm faaar from winning wife/mother of the year, but I never thought I was capable of loving someone so much that I'd do anything for them -- the way I feel about my family. I'm still pretty young so who knows where life will take me, but I think the huge window office ain't happening anytime soon. Of course things could be better in my life, but I wouldn't trade my current life for the one I dreamed of.