Anxiety re: having second child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, if you don't mind posting your email address (or make up a fake one to use for just this if that is more comfortable for you), I'll be happy to send you the compilation as I was the one who wrote it. Just be careful, it made me cry!
Meanwhile, I'm due any day now with baby #2 so I might have another good cry reading through them before I send them out to you!
Or... just sign up for the listserve on this website and that will give you access to the archives. I believe it was called "Anxiety about 2nd Child."

OP here -- my email address consists of my full name, and seeing that I've shared a lot of very personal info here re: IVF, fight with husband, etc.. I'd rather not display it. If you wouldn't listing yours, I'll email you offline. If you don't want to do that, I'll understand, though. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I have a 2 yr. old and 7 mo. old now and I have to say you should go for it. Watching the two of them
together is one of the biggest joys I have had being a parent. Also, No. 2 is not really that much extra
work compared to No. 1. Basically, I think it is a wash. Having the first is hard because you don't know
what you're doing and your whole life change. Having the second is hard because the first one is there
with his or her additional needs. However, your whole life doesn't change with No. 2 and there is no steep learning
curve. We have been so much more relaxed with No. 2 it's amazing.

Even if they don't end up "best friends" as adults, having a sibling is such a gift. We are going to be "old" parents and to the extent we become a burden on our children down the road I would rather that they have each other for support during that time. I think it is nice in life to have someone who understands your parents, your family and your upbringing and can commiserate where necessary and share happy memories with you of childhood too.

[Anonymous]

See if this will work: http://mailman.dcurbanmom.com/mailman/htdig.cgi/dc-urban-moms-list/2007-September/094399.html

[Anonymous]

OP here -- thanks, that worked!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Check out the listserve archives. There was a big compilation of posts on this subject last Fall. Lots of encouraging words!

OP here -- not sure how to begin searching for this compilation, but would REALLY like to find it. Can anyone help me out?

COUNT ME IN!!! "ONE & I'M DONE!!!"

[Anonymous]

I too am struggling with the idea of #2 -- in the same position as first poster, minus some of the work issues. Same on age, IVF, etc. Not sure I can go through the ups and downs again. It's harder when you're older and have to do fertility treatment. And having an infant and toddler together scares me. . . .

[Anonymous]

I'm 29 and it is rough for some of us younger ones, too. I can't imagine doing it again! As one poster mentioned, I can be great with one child, spread way too thin with two.

[Anonymous]

We wre in the same position- many fertility issues and older- finally conceived AND gave birth to #1- it was such a struggle- but I felt like DC should have a sibling - though the odds (even ol,der then) were not looking good.. my motivation was since we are older- i felt a sibling would always be there- not the same as cousins etc. We went through infertility hell again for #2 and at the last IVF- got preggo and have another baby. I have to admit our energy level being older (and we are just people that struggle with baby stage and have kids with reflux etc.) makes it harder- but we're getting out of the woods and baby (not crawling yet) and DC play- I love seeing older DC light up and run to see the sibling. It's a lot of work but it is worth it. As for our marriage- it's hard on it- we are tired- but we'll get through it.. i just know it.. we did this before and know that we can go back to going out etc.- so- we'll just adapt for a little bit more though things are looking up schedule wise..

[Anonymous]

Gosh, PP, I'm with you. We have been struggling for a year to decide on whether or not to have a second. The window is closing for the period when I want to do it (if we are going to) and we still can't decide. As I said to a friend recently, if it's this difficult to decide, should I take this as a sign that it's not meant to be? I don't know. My husband and I are not overly patient people and though we are great parents to one, we really struggle with how we would handle another. Also, we feel very grateful because #1 has been relatively easy and I'm panicked that means that #2 would be a little terror. (I always seem to hear those stories about how people thought parenting was easy until they had a second kid who was the complete opposite of the first.) Yet, I would sure love for my son to have a sibling down the line - and to watch them grow up together. It's so hard and scary. I keep hoping I'll wake up one day and know the answer in my heart - but no luck yet.