9 year old DD emotional meltdowns

[Anonymous]

For our kid, stimulants made him really on edge and he fell apart like that at home. It gradually got worse over several months, so it was hard to figure out that it was the medication. Guanfacine ER has helped a lot, but every kid is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On a related note how tf do you stay calm during these (somewhat absurd) meltdowns? I have a hard time with this. The first few minutes I can be empathetic and calm but eventually i want to scream.

Dan Shapiro's class will help you break down when to empathize and when to ignore.

Basically, empathize before the meltdown, to let them vent, show you care, encourage them to talk it out, hopefully head off the meltdown. Once a meltdown is in full swing, ignore. This could mean calmly exiting to the bathroom, or needing to check on dinner, or etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who’s going to tell OP? Probably autism. It presents differently in girls and she may have been overlooked.

Why are people so quick to diagnose autism? Emotional dysregulation is a core ADHD symptom. ADHD itself is a self-regulation disorder. It's well documented.

This is not normal for children that age, not normal for ADHD kids, and definitely not normal for an ADHD girl of that age. There is something else going on - severe anxiety, severe OCD, or in many cases ADHD + Anxiety + OCD = Autism. But if she and the other posters prefer the à la carte approach to diagnosis so be it.

Yes, it is. Are you a psychiatrist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For our kid, stimulants made him really on edge and he fell apart like that at home. It gradually got worse over several months, so it was hard to figure out that it was the medication. Guanfacine ER has helped a lot, but every kid is different.

Stimulants made me like this too and I am a grown ass woman!! Definitely could be a medication side effect.

[Anonymous]

I have a ten year old who’s similar. It’s hard. I have found that the more work I do on myself, the more I learn about ADHD in kids, the more I learn about RSD, PDA, etc., the better it gets. It’s nothing my kid does, it’s about building a world for them that doesn’t cause them to be in burnout all the time. Your kid does great at school where the stress and being told what to do and holding it in all day causes her to have nothing left at home. I don’t have a silver bullet, we are still struggling, but understanding what’s going on lightens the psychological load on the whole family. My spouse isn’t that great at approaching the child with curiosity and empathy and that harms the family and their relationship with the kid, but me working very hard at it has helped significantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On a related note how tf do you stay calm during these (somewhat absurd) meltdowns? I have a hard time with this. The first few minutes I can be empathetic and calm but eventually i want to scream.

Walking away is good advice but hard AF to implement for some of us. Just keep doing your best. It gets easier to walk away as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a ten year old who’s similar. It’s hard. I have found that the more work I do on myself, the more I learn about ADHD in kids, the more I learn about RSD, PDA, etc., the better it gets. It’s nothing my kid does, it’s about building a world for them that doesn’t cause them to be in burnout all the time. Your kid does great at school where the stress and being told what to do and holding it in all day causes her to have nothing left at home. I don’t have a silver bullet, we are still struggling, but understanding what’s going on lightens the psychological load on the whole family. My spouse isn’t that great at approaching the child with curiosity and empathy and that harms the family and their relationship with the kid, but me working very hard at it has helped significantly.

It’s not just hard work though. It’s education on the actual diagnosis which everyone else on this thread is discouraging.

[Anonymous]

My 11 year old daughter is like this. She’s diagnosed with ADHd and medicated. She just had a follow up neuropsych and while we don’t have the full results back yet, they are suggesting PDA. She’s perfectly great at school, activities, etc and then she comes home and it’s been brutal lately. I have no clue how to parent to this, as my default is punishment for bad behavior but that’s not a good strategy here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For our kid, stimulants made him really on edge and he fell apart like that at home. It gradually got worse over several months, so it was hard to figure out that it was the medication. Guanfacine ER has helped a lot, but every kid is different.

I want to add that we tried a couple stimulants and his meltdowns became better once we stopped those. And then later started guanfacine, which also has helped with emotional regulation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On a related note how tf do you stay calm during these (somewhat absurd) meltdowns? I have a hard time with this. The first few minutes I can be empathetic and calm but eventually i want to scream.

Walking away is good advice but hard AF to implement for some of us. Just keep doing your best. It gets easier to walk away as they get older.

What incentivizes me to walk away is that I’m much less likely to lose my own cool or say something I later regret. That’s how I do it and now it’s easier.