My fantasy is to be a loner who just hangs out with my pets and my plants and my books

[Anonymous]

OMG set the bag of bricks down, OP! This is attainable now, you don’t have to wait until retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm doing this, and it is GLORIOUS.

Same. I can only take people in small doses

[Anonymous]

It's funny because I remember being super judgmental but also worried for my parents that seemed to have no friends. I know now that was probably intentional and they were perfectly content with it. I get it now.

[Anonymous]

After a recent health crisis I am even less interested in folks and their unnecessary drama about how other people’s problems impact them. As in, “oh I’m so upset about so and so’s divorce. I can’t handle hearing any more, so I hope you and your DH are ok”
And then they have judgement or a personal anecdote about everything that anyone says at the table - even more draining in my current state. I’m choosing more peaceful times
Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

This is what I do in retirement! It is great! I do what I want when and with whom I want. It is the reward for all those work years of forced relationships and pleasing others.

[Anonymous]

This is exactly what I want as well. I'm late 50s but my kids are still in school/sports/activities, and I find all the semi-forced socialization so draining. I'm an introverted reader at heart and cannot wait to embrace that lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

I'd only want this if spouse and I were having great, regular sex.

[Anonymous]

You should follow paulinacee on insta.

[Anonymous]

I do very few “socializing” things now and I’m only 53. I just started saying no to things I didn’t want to do, and so I stopped getting invited to those sorts of things. I now go on walks with a few different good friends and regularly get together for breakfast with another. I’m married, so I am not a total loner. I hate parties, happy hours, clubs, etc. But I do love a good handful of people and seeing them regularly makes me happy.

You can quit the social rat race today, OP. Just grab your book and say “no thank you.”

[Anonymous]

Add me to the club! Semi retired and basically doing what you said OP. Just tired of the shallow socializing stuff especially with people who are fleeting or episodic. It never filled my bucket. I always did that stuff out of obligation. I don’t want to explain my viewpoints, my life, my choices to people who don’t get it won’t get it. Live and let live. But overall I think people are tiring. I just don’t need it anymore. I have my family my garden my workouts cooking some travel my favorite movies - if I could live off grid and then transport back for necessities during the week that would be so ideal - but alas no flu powder so I’m in a busy suburb trying to be quiet and stay quiet.

[Anonymous]

Sounds delightful! Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After a recent health crisis I am even less interested in folks and their unnecessary drama about how other people’s problems impact them. As in, “oh I’m so upset about so and so’s divorce. I can’t handle hearing any more, so I hope you and your DH are ok”
And then they have judgement or a personal anecdote about everything that anyone says at the table - even more draining in my current state. I’m choosing more peaceful times
Good luck OP!

OP here. Yes, this is me as well. I'm dealing with a health issue that has forced me to really evaluate what matters most to me, since I only have so much energy these days. I realized that just sitting at home, reading, spending time in nature -- this is it for me. I also like spending time with my spouse and kid, but I like it most when we are internally focused, like just watching a movie together or talking about ideas that interest us. Not talking about other people, which they both often want to do. Inside in like "who cares? Those aren't my people."

My DC is school age and there is a lot of compulsory socialization at school. I absolutely bring my book and keep to myself a lot, but I still have to spend so much time around other parents and people at school. It's so tedious. Some of them are perfectly nice people, i would just rather be alone. I literally sit there thinking about which of my plants need watering or might benefit from a move to another location.

For now it is what it is, but it's clarifying to realize that's what my best life looks like -- more solitude and nature, less small talk and socializing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was worried people were going to tell me I'm terrible. I'm so glad to have found some kindred spirits.

I think I've spent my whole life feeling like I'm supposed to be social, make friends, go out, etc. I turn 50 soon and I think I've just realized it is not what makes me happy. I have always been a fan of Mary Oliver's poetry and recently I've been thinking a lot about her lifestyle, which involved a lot of solitude, time in nature, and just focusing on her work which necessitated being alone a lot. She had a partner for over 40 years so she wasn't totally alone, and certainly she worked with others at times and had friends, but it sounds like she was mostly just a solitary person.

I think that is the truest representation of what I want. It does not feel possible now with my kid the age she is, but I'd like to start working towards it.

Do you at least have a small circle to keep you grounded in reality a little, and as a safety net for emergencies? As in, a sister plus one close friend? Two cousins you’re close with?

I’ve noticed that some people, as they start to do this - usually in retirement- they very quickly decline mentally. I think they inadvertently make things a lot harder for themselves by so drastically limiting their interactions with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what I do in retirement! It is great! I do what I want when and with whom I want. It is the reward for all those work years of forced relationships and pleasing others.

Me, me, me. And more me.

I think this is all fine unless what you want, with who you want, starts inconveniencing others. My mother is like this. She’ll say she wants to see the grandkids, I’ll say today’s not a good day how about tomorrow, and she’ll pout that tomorrow it’s going to be nice out and she wants to go for a walk and why can’t I just bring them today. Then she’ll disappear and the kids will be like, where is grandma these days?

[Anonymous]

Yeesssss. I keep hearing about the epidemic of loneliness? I'm the opposite of lonely. I would be a-ok if I never saw another living soul except my daughter and husband.