My fantasy is to be a loner who just hangs out with my pets and my plants and my books

[Anonymous]

This is what I'd like to do in retirement. I don't want to be a shut in -- I'll leave the house, go to the store and the library and the gym and whatnot. But I kind of want to retire from socializing. Like no more cocktail parties or barbecues. No book clubs. No hosting of any kind unless it's my immediate family. If my spouse wants to have people over, that's fine, but I don't want to cook or make small talk, I want to just retreat to my office or bedroom and relax.

I think I'm just done. Years of feeling compelled to be social in order to be a good spouse, good worker, good parent, and good neighbor. I just want to be done. Happy to spend time with family and text with my handful of close friends, but I'd like to retire from the rest of it and just spend the vast majority of my leisure time alone.

Does anyone else feel this way? It is many years off for me but it sounds like a really nice, peaceful existence to me.

[Anonymous]

I'm doing this, and it is GLORIOUS.

[Anonymous]

I worry about dying before getting a solid year of living comfortably without social obligations but even now I have texts to answer about hosting requests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm doing this, and it is GLORIOUS.

Same. I will never have to attend a crappy wedding or a funeral again if I don't want to. I've learned my lesson. Social situations are way over rated.

[Anonymous]

I think you know what makes your happy Op. I would hate it.

[Anonymous]

My 18yo is like that too. She goes out for the things she has to do, but she doesn’t really spend time with friends or have any interest in boyfriends. She had a few friends from MS who moved away and wanted to reconnect, but she completely ignored their texts. One of them even texted my 14yo son to try to get in touch with her because they didn’t have her number, and when he asked her about it, she told him not to respond.

A younger cousin also wanted to hang out with her recently. She was obviously dreading it and would have preferred to stay home, but she went through with it because she didn't want to disappoint her cousin.

I think she just hates the effort involved in maintaining relationships. She prefers being home with family and really doesn't like having people over or having to go to social events. She's happy, though, and that's really all that matters. It does sound nice and peaceful.

[Anonymous]

I kind of live that way now. Outside of work, I don't socialize with my co-workers and as awkward as it may be, I politely turn down invites to parties or any sort of gatherings.

I've always been a bit of a loner and I will be even more of a loner when I retire. I plan of spending my time with my dog (which I haven't got yet).

[Anonymous]

OP here. I was worried people were going to tell me I'm terrible. I'm so glad to have found some kindred spirits.

I think I've spent my whole life feeling like I'm supposed to be social, make friends, go out, etc. I turn 50 soon and I think I've just realized it is not what makes me happy. I have always been a fan of Mary Oliver's poetry and recently I've been thinking a lot about her lifestyle, which involved a lot of solitude, time in nature, and just focusing on her work which necessitated being alone a lot. She had a partner for over 40 years so she wasn't totally alone, and certainly she worked with others at times and had friends, but it sounds like she was mostly just a solitary person.

I think that is the truest representation of what I want. It does not feel possible now with my kid the age she is, but I'd like to start working towards it.

[Anonymous]

People are very different, I love being around people, I would not survive just with books and plants. Maybe with pets, but only if they are dogs or cats

[Anonymous]

Yes, I am living this life and it's amazing. I do socialize and travel a lot but it's all voluntary.

[Anonymous]

I live like that now. I'm an only child, love being alone and doing my own thing. When invited, I usually attend weddings and birthdays if they're on weekends, but definitely not if they fall on weekdays because I need my sleep. I have to be very social at work and when I get home, I value not having to talk to other humans.

[Anonymous]

This is pretty much my life except I don't have any pets or plants and my books are from the library.

But it's different than your wanting it because I've never had invites or gone to a bbq or cocktail party.

[Anonymous]

I like people and I enjoy being around people. But, the DRAMA! I am so done with drama. People have lost their minds. I've retreated from socializing and life is good. Avoiding the drama is the goal.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with that!

[Anonymous]

Why wait? I’m already doing this.