ADHD kid with another baby on the way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Big hugs you’ve got this momma!

The next four years will be key. After that, adolescence will be in full swing and the window of opportunity for OP to influence DS9 will start to close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big hugs you’ve got this momma!

The next four years will be key. After that, adolescence will be in full swing and the window of opportunity for OP to influence DS9 will start to close.

Right but she won’t be in a headspace to do much because she’s back in the newborn trenches. It’s a disservice to her oldest.

[Anonymous]

It’s amazing the peace that dividing-and-conquering can bring. Try to have two adults around at all times when both children are around - and decide who’s got each one (explicitness about that is important for everyone’s sake)
Line up family and friends for when your partner is gone
It’s manageable this way I promise!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s amazing the peace that dividing-and-conquering can bring. Try to have two adults around at all times when both children are around - and decide who’s got each one (explicitness about that is important for everyone’s sake)
Line up family and friends for when your partner is gone
It’s manageable this way I promise!

Until she finds out hubby is ND too. Hopefully not but probably yes based on this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She does. She asked for kind words and as a mom to a nd kid I offered kind words and not diagnosis of a child I’ve never met. We can choose to support in the way it’s been asked to support or we can choose not to.

I don't think empty words are supportive when there are actual helpful suggestions to make.

[Anonymous]

Even neurotypical siblings can get pretty anxious and obnoxious when confronted with a new sibling.

Due to his situation, his acting out could be a bit extra compared to the typical kid. I feel like you stick to what worked before to get them regulated again.

And be prepared for it all to go out the window again once the baby comes home. I love the divide and conquer suggestion above. Big brother will need some TLC while everyone settles into the new normal.

But try hard not to compromise on your standards. Remember, kids thrive on routine and structure. Even testing it reinforces for them that although things might look different, the expectations for behavior etc. haven't changed.

Oh, and a meds checkup too.

[Anonymous]

I mean, you just have to find a way to make it work. When DD #1 was in early intervention, we were told by a multitude of doctors and therapists that she was “so smart” and would catch up. We had Kid #2.

Then by the age of 3, DD #1 had a genetic diagnosis that meant profound intellectual disability. She didn’t sleep through the night until she was 14 years old. The sleep deprivation was horrific and I’m sure has taken years off our lives.

Meanwhile, by the time DD #1 was 20 months old, she was diagnosed with brain cancer. We spent 2.5 years getting her through treatment which included 2 brain surgeries and 16 months of chemo.

What helped. First, an amazing husband who isn’t afraid of hard work. Second, a commitment to our marriage which included a few sessions of marriage counseling after each diagnosis after each diagnosis — which was really more like two for the price of one coping skills discussions and realistic planning. Third, money to outsource a lot of stuff. When you have been changing diapers for 16 years, it is helpful to outsource a lot of care so you aren’t pissed about who changed the most diapers.

[Anonymous]

I meant the second kid had brain cancer — not the first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you just have to find a way to make it work. When DD #1 was in early intervention, we were told by a multitude of doctors and therapists that she was “so smart” and would catch up. We had Kid #2.

Then by the age of 3, DD #1 had a genetic diagnosis that meant profound intellectual disability. She didn’t sleep through the night until she was 14 years old. The sleep deprivation was horrific and I’m sure has taken years off our lives.

Meanwhile, by the time DD #1 was 20 months old, she was diagnosed with brain cancer. We spent 2.5 years getting her through treatment which included 2 brain surgeries and 16 months of chemo.

What helped. First, an amazing husband who isn’t afraid of hard work. Second, a commitment to our marriage which included a few sessions of marriage counseling after each diagnosis after each diagnosis — which was really more like two for the price of one coping skills discussions and realistic planning. Third, money to outsource a lot of stuff. When you have been changing diapers for 16 years, it is helpful to outsource a lot of care so you aren’t pissed about who changed the most diapers.

I am so sorry for your family’s hardships. Thank you for your perspective.